Question:

I get this at work all the time.  I’m a bartender….wrong field to be in if you want even *one* happy thought about marriage.  I’ve taken to shocking them into silence… (customer):  "Why would you ruin your life like that?" Me:  How else am I going to get health insurance? I hate the attitude, but I don’t want to listen to miserable stories *every* day  The people that count know that Shawn & I have a wonderful relationship. Joy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have been single for 6 years, and just recently became engaged.  I’ve dated through the years, and have learned that there just aren’t many of the "good ones" left!!!  (I have one now though!) what I’ve found is not that I’ve lost friends due to wedding planning stuff, but the cynical nature of my single friends is really getting me down. this will be the second marriage for both of us, and we both have children.  we are seeing our minister for family counseling in order to make the transition smooth for all of us. My friends are so negative, citing "second marriage failure rates" and the like.  I just tell them "I’m sorry you feel that way.  yada, yada, yada…." why do people react like this????  I dont’ understand why they are just not happy for me!!  oh well….misery loves company I guess.  thank goodness it’s only a handful of them reacting this way. anyone else??? Regards, Ruth (and Phillip) October 2, 1999 Panama City, FL

Response:

I would like to know how many people have lost friends or had falling outs with people they were close with over their wedding?

Well I haven’t lost any friends over my daughter’s wedding. In fact I say Thank God for our friends. We have a sticky situation with the flowergirl though. Actually when we first started planning the wedding we were just considering having my cousin’s little girl for the FG. My daughter decided not to ask her but unfortunately my sister had already mentioned to the mother that we might ask her daughter.  Well when I ran into the mother while shopping one day in March she starts talking about the dress she saw that her daughter could wear in the wedding.  Then a few weeks later I saw her again and she said "Tell XXXX about the wedding you want to be in."  I didn’t want to hurt the little girl’s feelings so I said ok. I have regreted it ever since.  We are having an adult reception but had to include the 6 year old brother since I didn’t feel we could expect the parents to leave him at home with a sitter.  But for the rehearsal dinner I felt I was well within my rights to not include him.  My cousin called and said she noticed his name wasn’t on the invitation and was it an oversight or was it a money thing.  She offered to pay for his dinner if she could bring him.  Told her it was not a money thing. We were only having the people involved in the rehearsal and the parents of the ringbearer and FG. She said she didn’t want her son to feel slighted.  Am I wrong to think that this was in very poor taste?  If the invitation says Mr. and Mrs. Parents and FG, won’t one think that it says that for a reason?  She partically invited her daughter to be in the wedding in the first place and now she thinks the son should be included in all the festivities.  I admit it is my fault that I am in this mess in the first place…but enough is enough.  At this point I feel if she gets mad and takes her daughter out it would be just fine.

Response:

Hi, I’m not yet married so I’m not sure about weddings but I know when I got engaged that I lost several of my friends, people just would drift away, I know it wasn’t the man I’m engaged to because we were friends before we even started going out . we were all part of a big group of friends so they didn’t have objections to him they’d been his friend for years as well. Some people would say well maybe you wereignoring them or they didn’t like the PDa thing but that’s not it either, we aren’t the type who paw each other and make googley eyes in public. We carry on as we always have except for the occassional holding of hands. And we always make the first effort to spend time with people, when we feel the group hasn’t gotten together enough we throw parties, we call them send email and letters, etc etc. now though they seem to have justtotally disassociated with us. several of them are engaged or already married and I know it does hurt. you spend s much time listening to them plan out their weddings, and being patient for fittings and wearing hair pieces you would never wear and when your time comes, you’re pretty much alone. I don’t know what it is but I just wanted to let you know it’s not just you. Gin

Response:

a friend of my FH is one of our groomsmen and i am friends with his girlfriend, when she found out about our engagement she freaked! She is so green with envy its sickening and now, she doesnt want her boyfriend to be a groomsman ,she is totally nasty to me for no reason, she even puts down everything that we’re doing for the wedding down to the nitty gritty where we’re having our reception ( huge hotel)… and everytime my fiance calls his friend to go for tux fittings or just to do wedding stuff she throws "tantrums" like a 2 year old nice..she also told her boyfriend, who’s our groomsman that she will not even consider marrying him unless she gets "a 3 carat ring or bigger!" lovely….toxic i tell yah! grace ( marrying alex 09/19/ 99) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, I’m not yet married so I’m not sure about weddings but I know when I got engaged that I lost several of my friends, people just would drift away, I know it wasn’t the man I’m engaged to because we were friends before we even started going out . we were all part of a big group of friends so they didn’t have objections to him they’d been his friend for years as well. Some people would say well maybe you wereignoring them or they didn’t like the PDa thing but that’s not it either, we aren’t the type who paw each other and make googley eyes in public. We carry on as we always have except for the occassional holding of hands. And we always make the first effort to spend time with people, when we feel the group hasn’t gotten together enough we throw parties, we call them send email and letters, etc etc. now though they seem to have justtotally disassociated with us. several of them are engaged or already married and I know it does hurt. you spend s much time listening to them plan out their weddings, and being patient for fittings and wearing hair pieces you would never wear and when your time comes, you’re pretty much alone. I don’t know what it is but I just wanted to let you know it’s not just you. Gin

Response:

Hi all, I would like to know how many people have lost friends or had falling outs with people they were close with over their wedding?

We didn’t lose any friends, but my husband’s relationship with his sister has taken a serious beating. Here’s the story: We decided that we didn’t want a huge, foofy bridal party. And since our best friends are *friends* and not our siblings, we also decided to have no family members in the wedding party (I have one brother, who specifically asked me *not* to have him in the wedding; he’s shy.  DH has a brother and a sister.  His brother was not insulted at all by this.) The other reason for this was that once we started in with siblings, there were cousins who would freak out if they weren’t asked, etc.  So, as we really didn’t want a big parade of people anyway, we decided to stick with two friends each as best men and "best women." DH’s sister absolutely flipped out over this.  She took him to dinner and screamed and cried in the restaurant (keep in mind that this "woman" was 29 years old at the time!)  He explained everything to her — that it was *not* a personal insult, that we were keeping things small, and that *none* of our siblings were included — and she said she understood, but she was a total witch from then on. (FYI — she is the only one of our three siblings who had a problem with this.) To make matters worse, she got married six weeks after we did (she got engaged and then they got married very quickly because they had to relocate across the country.)  She had her *other* brother in her wedding party, but not DH.  And all this was sanctioned by my MIL.  So now she lives 3000 miles away and we almost never hear from her.  I don’t feel like it’s such a loss, but she *is* DH’s only sister, and I feel badly for him. This is a long way of saying that you aren’t alone.  There’s something about weddings that makes people act like complete freaks and makes them think they’re entitled to something. Argh! I’m glad it’s over. Good luck…hang in there… Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

I have been single for 6 years, and just recently became engaged.  I’ve dated through the years, and have learned that there just aren’t many of the "good ones" left!!!  (I have one now though!)   what I’ve found is not that I’ve lost friends due to wedding planning stuff, but the cynical nature of my single friends is really getting me down.  this will be the second marriage for both of us, and we both have children.  we are seeing our minister for family counseling in order to make the transition smooth for all of us.   My friends are so negative, citing "second marriage failure rates" and the like.  I just tell them "I’m sorry you feel that way.  yada, yada, yada…." why do people react like this????  I dont’ understand why they are just not happy for me!!  oh well….misery loves company I guess.  thank goodness it’s only a handful of them reacting this way.   anyone else??? Regards, Ruth (and Phillip) October 2, 1999 Panama City, FL

Response:

Hi all, I would like to know how many people have lost friends or had falling outs with people they were close with over their wedding? I had a friend for over 13 years that I was extremely close to.  She went through some problems a few years ago that she was embarrased to tell me about, but we got over that. She was going to be my MOH but after about two months rudely informed me that she couldn’t do it and wouldn’t even give me an explaination.  She lives in another state but we used to talk twice a week but now I may have spoken with her three times in three months. I am curious though because it seems like when you get married, people get upset with you when I always thought they would be glad and happy for you. It really hurt me that she did that.  I always we were better than this. But if this has happened to anyone else, please post so I can see if this is normal behavior or just my friend being a bum. Thank,   Smoochie 10/9/99 Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

: Hi all, : I would like to know how many people have lost friends or had falling : outs with people they were close with over their wedding? I had a falling out with someone who was supposed to be a bridesmaid. The thing we had a falling out over was not wedding related but it was shortly after I asked her to be in the wedding.  We still have not really resolved the issue but we are at least talking now that the wedding is over.   For the record, she did not participate in the wedding.  She was planning to come to the wedding but her uncle was diagnosed with cancer that was inoperable and he wasn’t expected to live very long.  The family gathered at his house to be with him the weekend of our wedding.  It’s fortunate that they were all able to get together when they did because he died two weeks after our wedding.  We missed her at the wedding but we’re really glad she had that time to be with her uncle. Jan — :Mary Kay Cosmetics, Inc.              : CAT:  A pigmy lion that loves : :http://www.mkinet.com/04/jcordes.html :       mice, hates dogs, and   : :                                      :       patronizes human beings.: :Silicon Valley Friends of Ferals      :         –Oliver Herford      : :http://www.zeemud.org/svff/           :                               :

Response:

Question:

You might also want to check if they are Tapestry or Crewel/Sharp.  The needles are the same size, but the tip of a Tapestry is a little blunt in comparison to the Crewel.  The Tapestry works fine for Needlepoint and most cross stitch. However, the Crewel is best for Crewel of course and other surface embroidery, where you might need to split the threads of your ground fabric as opposed to placing the needle between the threads.  I hope that made sense. Candy

Response:

Most are longer now unless you specifically buy a short one.  The larger the number the smaller the needle!  I like the John James platinum-coated ones. Someone told me they swear by needles called Piecemakers.  You can see them at http://www.piecemakers.com/products/pm/needles.html

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well the last of my favorite needles is almost dead.  These are needles which I inherited and I have no identifying marks on them.  They were kept in an old pill bottle. So I have to investigate getting some new ones and I have a question.  How does the number of a needle correspond to it’s size?  I liked these inherited needles because they were kind of long (almost 2 inches.)  When I use shorter ones, my fingers cramp up. — Carolee Rose A Volunteer For Random Act of Genealogical Kindness in Cheboygan County, Michigan http://raogk.rootsweb.com

Response:

Myna — back when I worked in a fabric store I always had a bunch of straight pins stuck in my sleeve, so don’t feel bad.  :) Angie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Richard, I’ve been known to stitch something and then pin the needle to my shirt.  On a long Sunday, I kept losing needles.  Went to the grocery store.  The kind check-out lady politely asked me if I was aware I have 4 needles pinned to the left side of my shirt.  Looked down.  Yep…there they were.  All with about 6" of string in different colored threads.  Funny part, though.  It didn’t even phase me.  Just left them there.  I knew I would be stitching again in about…oh…2 hours.  I wonder how many of us have done this only to find out later. Laura S.

Response:

I do that, too.  Sometimes in my cuff or my sleeve.  I also use my cuff for pins when I am hand-hemming a skirt.  DH has asked me more than once to PLEASE take the pins off my cuff before I hug him!  Don’t I realize they are there?! (VBG) the Wren – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – First, be sure and keep one of the needles you like for comparison, you may want to go to the store and see if you can find some like the one you are using Richard Hi Richard, I’ve been known to stitch something and then pin the needle to my shirt.  On a long Sunday, I kept losing needles.  Went to the grocery store.  The kind check-out lady politely asked me if I was aware I have 4 needles pinned to the left side of my shirt.  Looked down.  Yep…there they were.  All with about 6" of string in different colored threads.  Funny part, though.  It didn’t even phase me.  Just left them there.  I knew I would be stitching again in about…oh…2 hours.  I wonder how many of us have done this only to find out later. Laura S.

Response:

Well the last of my favorite needles is almost dead.  These are needles which I inherited and I have no identifying marks on them.  They were kept in an old pill bottle. So I have to investigate getting some new ones and I have a question.  How does the number of a needle correspond to it’s size?  I liked these inherited needles because they were kind of long (almost 2 inches.)  When I use shorter ones, my fingers cramp up. — Carolee Rose A Volunteer For Random Act of Genealogical Kindness in Cheboygan County, Michigan http://raogk.rootsweb.com

Response:

The higher the number, the smaller the "eye" and the length of the needle.  Sometimes this length is a minute difference between two sizes.  I believe there are also petite tapestry and beading needles (extra short). Always use a needle with an eye sufficient in size to hold the thread comfortably.  But just because the eye is "sufficient" doesn’t mean it is necessarily easy to thread.  "Sufficient" means comfortable (enough room) *after* threading.  The thread should move freely within the eye. This helps against excess abrasion on the thread. Another trick for embroidery on a non-countable ground, sometimes the fabric is heavier and more dense (jean, drill, moire satins, etc), and this requires a stouter needle.  You want the hole that the needle pierces to allow the thread to travel through without excess abrasion. Tapestry (blunt) needles are excellent for counted embroidery (embroidery that does not pierce the ground but goes between the ground threads) such as cross stitch, needlelace, needle weaving, hemstitching, pin stitching, etc. Crewel needles (aka embroidery needles) are good for piercing grounds: padded whitework, normal surface embroidery, shadow work, stumpwork.  If you’re adept, they can also be used for anything a tapestry needle is used for. Chenille needles are stouter and used for:  ribbon embroidery, wool embroidery, tying in ends on knitted and crocheted "stuff", as well as a host of other uses. Milliner (aka straw) needles are used for Brazilian embroidery and any embroidery which employs bullion knots; as well they are (as their name implies) hat makers needles.  Their extra length comes in handy for several tasks, including making stuffed ornaments, toys/dolls. Sharps:  interchangeable with crewel needles, in some situations. Mostly used for hand sewing. Betweens:  shorter than sharps.  Also interchangeable with crewel needles in some situations (mainly padded satin stitching).  Used by quilters and hand sewers.  They are called the "work horses", of which quilting is one such task, and generally used in heavier sewing/embroidery. Dianne – who probably forgot something somewhere. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well the last of my favorite needles is almost dead.  These are needles which I inherited and I have no identifying marks on them.  They were kept in an old pill bottle. So I have to investigate getting some new ones and I have a question.  How does the number of a needle correspond to it’s size?  I liked these inherited needles because they were kind of long (almost 2 inches.)  When I use shorter ones, my fingers cramp up. — Carolee Rose A Volunteer For Random Act of Genealogical Kindness in Cheboygan County, Michigan http://raogk.rootsweb.com

Response:

does the number of a needle correspond to it’s size?  I liked these inherited needles because they were kind of long (almost 2 inches.)  When I use shorter ones, my fingers cramp up.

First, be sure and keep one of the needles you like for comparison, you may want to go to the store and see if you can find some like the one you are using.  In CCS (counted cross stitch) size 24 tapestry needle is usually used with 14ct aida cloth and larger count linens, like 10ct or 22ct with larger holes.  Size 26 are used for 18ct aida or 28ct linen.  And size 28 with finer linens like 32ct, 35ct, 36ct. But these are not rules, different needles for different folks. Piecemakers don’t come in size 28, but I find their size 26 to be smaller than a John James 26 but larger than a JJ 28.  And easier to thread.  Your needle should open the hole for the thread to pass through without excess rubbing and wearing as it goes through the fabric. Richard

Response:

First, be sure and keep one of the needles you like for comparison, you may want to go to the store and see if you can find some like the one you are using Richard

Hi Richard, I’ve been known to stitch something and then pin the needle to my shirt.  On a long Sunday, I kept losing needles.  Went to the grocery store.  The kind check-out lady politely asked me if I was aware I have 4 needles pinned to the left side of my shirt.  Looked down.  Yep…there they were.  All with about 6" of string in different colored threads.  Funny part, though.  It didn’t even phase me.  Just left them there.  I knew I would be stitching again in about…oh…2 hours.  I wonder how many of us have done this only to find out later. Laura S.

Response:

I have the same problem with regular or gold plated needles. Platinum needles last much longer. usually until i bend them. Connie and the little Ragamuffin – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I remember the recent thread about needles and how long people were able to use them for, I wish I could make mine last!  I finished a project yesterday and was surprised to find the coating on the middle of the needle( where the fingers are) had gone completely exposing the metal below.  It’s also amazing how quickly the gold plated needles also get to the same stage. Yesterdays project was in my rotation and was about 100 stitches wide and 140 high, and I don’t think I’d used the needle before. Do others have their needles wear out quickly? — Brian Crawley, West Sussex, UK.

Response:

Hi to all, I am not a jewler but once had this explaination given to me: Gold is a Very wearable metal, the higher the carat the quicker it wears out!!! Take a 24-carat gold ring, it will wear out 2

Question:

Just a question on rings…   I’ve been told that I should solder my engagement & wedding rings together so that they don’t cause undue wear & tear on each other. I’d like to hear opinions about this from people who have done this, as well as from those who have not. Thanks! MElanie. — |  GSLIS, University of Illinois  |       learning how to think.        | |         Urbana-Champaign        |                 — Robert Fulghum   |

Response:

Just a question on rings…  I’ve been told that I should solder my engagement & wedding rings together so that they don’t cause undue wear & tear on each other. I’d like to hear opinions about this from people who have done this, as well as from those who have not. Thanks! MElanie. —

I wouldn’t solder them together for the fact that you might want to remove the engagement ring to do yard work, cleaning, etc. but keep your wedding band on…I know many women who even come to work w/o their engagement ring but with their band.  My fiancee is opposed to doing it since she wants the option of protecting the diamond. Joe McMahon  -  Loral Federal Systems  – All opinions expressed or              -                         — derived are solely my own We are Loral.  Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Response:

(Melanie Lotocky) writes: Just a question on rings…  I’ve been told that I should solder my engagement & wedding rings together so that they don’t cause undue wear & tear on each other. I’d like to hear opinions about this from people who have done this, as well as from those who have not.

The following are the posts that responded to a similar question from myself.  (And a much belated thanks to everyone who responded.) The summary is as follows: Got rings soldered and pleased:      5 Got rings soldered and displeased:   1 Didn’t solder rings and pleased:     4 Didn’t solder rings and displeased:  1 (will solder) Undecided:                           1 (myself) Pros to solder:    Rings don’t get misaligned.    When you take them off, you know the two rings won’t get separated.    Prevents excessive wear due to friction between the two rings,         especially if they are of different carats. Cons to solder:    Lint, fuzz, and lotion get stuck between rings and they require more         frequent cleaning.    If the rings are large to begin with, soldering them together will         make them even bulkier.    You can’t remove only the diamond to protect it from harsh condidions         while still keeping on wedding band. [see note 1] Pros to not solder:    Can wear either ring separately, admire diamond by itself, reminisce         about your husband placing the wedding band on your finger.    When you’re old and your grandchild want to use your engagement ring         for his love, you can give it to him without the wedding band. Notes:      1) Some people had a separate plain band to wear on occasions when       the full set was not appropriate.  (e.g. gardening, sailing)    2) There is no expert answer to whether soldering is reversible, but       the general view was that it is. I am as yet undecided.  It is annoying when the rings get misaligned, which is frequent, but I like the two rings being separate.  I’ve given myself a year to decide if I want them soldered or not. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -(Nardo) writes: The jeweler suggested I get the two rings soldered together after I got married.  This would prevent excessive wear due to the two rings rubbing against each other.   A friend of mine did this several years after she got married.  She was very happy that she did.  Her rings were also meant to fit together, however they were always twisting around and coming apart.  Soldering them together, remedied this problem.  She said she wished she had done this sooner. Teresa ——-

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – (Carol S. Cochrane) writes: Here’s a question for the already-marrieds in the group: My wedding band was made to mesh with the contours of my engagement (diamond) ring.  The jeweler suggested I get the two rings soldered together after I got married.  This would prevent excessive wear due to the two rings rubbing against each other.   Well I don’t know anything about soldering rings together — in fact I’ve never heard of it before now. But it’s worth mentioning that you should get your engagement ring and wedding ring to be of the same carat gold(*). So if you’ve got a 9 carat gold engagement ring, you should get a 9 carat gold wedding ring. The reason is that less pure gold is harder, and so if you wear a 9 carat and an 18 carat ring together, the 9 carat gold will wear down the 18 carat. Overall, 9 carat is harder-wearing than 18 carat, but the important thing is not to mix them (I believe). (*) I don’t know if other countries measure gold in carats. It’s not a measure of the total weight of the gold (unlike diamonds) — it’s how pure the gold is, in 24ths. So, for example, 9 carat gold is in fact only 9/24 = 37.5% gold. —           Stephen Turner             Statistical Laboratory, University of Cambridge, England

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –  I had my rings soldered at the advise of the jeweler. I wish I had not done it.  The reason being that when I get lotion or fuzz or other things in the ring, I cannot take them apart to clean them myself.  I therefore have to take it in to the jeweler every month or so.  I also liked the feel of the two joining pieces rather than one bulky piece. — * Marci Maddox                     (  ) )                   * *                                 ( ( ‘) )(__)              * *  - Those opinions are mine and   ( ` ) (oo)              * *      you can’t use ‘em         | |___/     cow-hide  * *                                    | |  ||                *

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Ringrose) writes: It’s probably easier to have your rings soldered together if you have a engagement and wedding band set or if you have a solitaire and a wrap.  It does keep them from wandering separately around your finger.:)  I’m going to have my fingers soldered together after the honeymoon, if I can bear to take them off long enough to let the jeweler do it! However, if you have two wider rings that don’t fit together you may not want to solder them.  My sister’s wedding band and engagement ring don’t mesh together so she didn’t solder them together. If you’re worried about damaging your ring while gardening, etc., think about getting a plain gold or silver wedding band to wear when your set isn’t appropriate.  My sister bought a plain silver wedding band to wear on a trip to Rio because it was recommended that she not wear her (expensive) engagement and wedding rings.  Her silver band cost her $25.  I’ve gotten a plain gold band to wear when I’m gardening or sailing – I can just imagine getting my diamond got on a line on the boat and going overboard!  My plain wedding band cost us about $80. Another great idea for wedding and engagement rings – pawn shops. A friend bought her wedding band and her husbands at a pawn shop. Both rings cost $50 total I think.  And her husband’s ring is identical to my fiance’s (except in a size 13) and ours cost $200. Sharon Ringrose

My question is, did you get your rings soldered together?  Were you pleased with your decision? (i.e. did you later get them soldered after deciding not to or did you regret getting them soldered?)

My rings are similiar to what you explained your rings were like.  I had my rings soldered together after we were married.  I had planned on having this done, and after two days of them not soldered together I definitely wanted it done.  The time after the ceremony and the next day when I had the rings on they moved sometime and the rings came apart from the way they set together. I’ve had them soldered together for the last 6 weeks and it’s alot better. Also, I take my rings off sometime if I doing something that could get it very dirty or if I thought it would damamge it. — Just my 2 cents… Lillie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – (Carol S. Cochrane) writes: … My wedding band was made to mesh with the contours of my engagement (diamond) ring.  The jeweler suggested I get the two rings soldered together after I got married.  This would prevent excessive wear due to the two rings rubbing against each other.   …   My wedding band is my grandmothers, made up of a white gold   band with rectangular diamonds all around and then there are   two guard bands – pink gold – on either side of it. My engagement   ring (when I get it!) will be yellow gold. My jeweler also   suggested soldering them all together, primarily to protect my   grandmother’s ring from wear. They all fit together ok, kind of   different looking with three colors of gold. I’ll probably do   it since he promised I could have them unsoldered if sometime in   the future I hated it. And the soldering isn’t supposed to damage   the rings at all.   Note: this was the _good_ jeweler, I like him. We walked out of   the mall store that suggested I cut my grandmother’s ring down   to use as a pinky-ring and buy a wedding band from them    AARRRRGGHH….    geri (he won’t give me the ring until after finals….)    :)  :)  :)      :)  :)  :)      :)  :)  :)

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -(Michal Leah Peri) writes: I’ve gotten a plain gold band to wear when I’m gardening or sailing – I can just imagine getting my diamond got on a line on the boat and going overboard!  My plain wedding band cost us about $80. I did

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