Question:

This is obviously a sign that you shouldn’t be married.  Leave now while you have a chance. Use your spare money to tip strippers. You’ll be happier.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – : : my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week : did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my : ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear : : Definitly wait a week or so to see what happens to the ‘new’ : Report back.  :)    Well, I’m happy to report (hopefully not prematurely) that my ring finger no longer itches and the skin is back to its normal level.  It’s just a little dry there and looks tanner than the rest of my finger–like a ring tattoo. My "test" hand hasn’t broken out.  The ring will stay there, however, until my ring finger is completely back to normal.  From the cumulative input of the group, it seems the ring needed a good cleaning.  The inside of the ring is engraved and some allergen could have been laying in wait for the right moment.  Sneaky allergens!                                         Thanks everyone,                                         Paul

My wife had a problem with fungus under her ring. She worked with icing cakes, and it was like a culture dish between her finger and the ring. I designed a more open style, to let the air circulate, and it solved the problem. If it’s too tight it might do the same thing. It does sound like you narrowed down the cause. If it’s engraved, the edges of the engraving could be scoring your skin & causing irritation as well. I would have the inside polished to smooth the edges of that engraving. along with keeping it clean, you should be OK. I had to leave bench work after 18 years at it, due to a gold allergy. (The rare cases Peter was talking about I can still wear gold, but if the filings cut through or into the skin, it will react. http://www.goldart.net/allergy.htm  These are the pictures from when I was working at the bench about 4 years ago. If any of you bench persons have a similar look to your digits, see a dermatologist to narrow the cause down. Mine was a gold crown in my mouth, that has since been replaced with Palladium/silver. JC — John Christensen          http://www.home.earthlink.net/~johncgg/

Response:

[followups]  If the finger looks "tanner" under the ring that is direct evidence of chemical irritant. Not usually associated with metal allergy.

Or it could be post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation, which can happen with any prolonged inflammation, including metal allergy. Lara

Response:

   Well, I’m happy to report (hopefully not prematurely) that my ring finger no longer itches and the skin is back to its normal level.  It’s just a little dry there and looks tanner than the rest of my finger–like a ring tattoo.

 If the finger looks "tanner" under the ring that is direct evidence of chemical irritant. Not usually associated with metal allergy. My guess is that although you use normal precautions to avoid contamination from your work you have handled some object which was, in fact, contaminated without your knowledge. — Don Thompson Ex ROMAD

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Actually to chemical composition of 6Al4V is typically more like this: C     0.08% Fe    0.05% N     0.05% Al    5.5/6.75% O     0.20% V     3.5/4.5% H     0.015%   sheet,       0.0125%  bar       0.0100%  billet Ti    Balance Abrasha http://www.abrasha.com

The grade I am talking about (ASTM F136)(6AL4V ELI): T     Balance AL  5.5-6.5 V    3.5-4.5 Fe    0-.30 H     0-.015 N     0-.05 O     0-.20 C     0-.10 Being as we are including trace matierials here. Barry~ www.anatometal.com

Response:

I’ve been wearing my titanium wedding band continuously for nearly 2 years.  Just last week my ring finger became itchy and slighty red/raised under my ring.  I switched the ring to my right hand.  Except for my plastic/stainless steel watch, this is the only piece of jewelry I have ever worn.  It was my understanding that titanium was 100% hypoallergenic.   The ring stays on in the shower and when I do dishes so it does stay wet under there.  I also work in a lab and routinely wear latex gloves.  I have no known allergies.  Someone suggested that the matte finish on the ring could trap some irritant.  The nurse at work suggested there could be trace amounts of nickel in the ring but I doubt there would be enough compared to gold or other metals.  Anyway, I’m looking for any ideas– especially how to clean the ring (never been done except under running tap water) so my other finger doesn’t break out.  It’s OK so far.                            Thanks, Paul

What you have is just a slight infection of the outer layer of skin. For some their finger need time to become accustomed to rings.  You put a glove on, the sweat gets trapped under your ring and bacteria starts to irritate the layers of skin.  At first, you not being accustomed to a ring may have removed it often to see the skin appear white and puffy with lines.  Later, as you wore it more often, it will turn red, itch, and layers of skin will flake off mainly in the center of the inflammation.  Now it will on it’s own with continuous wear, heal.  A little antibiotic cream will help this.  However, until your finger is seasoned and accustomed to the ring, it may revert back to thin skin that will have to go through the entire process again if you take the ring off for long periods of time–weeks/months.  Also, the difference between the size of your fingers on the opposite hand may prevent this from occurring on that hand.  More air or less movement that starts the initial irritation. Cheers, Ned

Response:

: : my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week : did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my : ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear : : Definitly wait a week or so to see what happens to the ‘new’ : Report back.  :)    Well, I’m happy to report (hopefully not prematurely) that my ring finger no longer itches and the skin is back to its normal level.  It’s just a little dry there and looks tanner than the rest of my finger–like a ring tattoo. My "test" hand hasn’t broken out.  The ring will stay there, however, until my ring finger is completely back to normal.  From the cumulative input of the group, it seems the ring needed a good cleaning.  The inside of the ring is engraved and some allergen could have been laying in wait for the right moment.  Sneaky allergens!                                         Thanks everyone,                                         Paul

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –     ladies makeup and skin cleansers which have some slight abrasive properties. It’s unlikely the Ti oxide was severely abraded away but possible. Even if you were to remove the oxide layer it would come right back. -This is assuming the ring is made from 6AL4V. The oxide layer grows instantly in the presence of oxygen. Scratch your ring and that oxide layer is coming right back as you are forming the scratch. 6 parts aluminum 4 parts vanadium 90 parts pure titanium

Actually to chemical composition of 6Al4V is typically more like this: C     0.08% Fe    0.05% N     0.05% Al    5.5/6.75% O     0.20% V     3.5/4.5% H     0.015%   sheet,       0.0125%  bar       0.0100%  billet Ti    Balance Abrasha http://www.abrasha.com

Response:

    Looks like something happened to my original post.  Anyway, I’ve worn my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear latex gloves and work with chemicals but I can’t remember spilling anything on myself and I don’t have a latex allergy.  I have no known allergies.  I do leave the ring on all the time even in the shower so it does remain wet afterwards.  However, no problems for 2 years.  This is my first piece of jewelry except for my watch which is stainless steel.  The nurse at work suggested there could be nickel in the ring but I don’t think that’s likely (or is it?)  I’m almost hoping my other finger breaks out to prove that something is wrong with the ring then I may be able to bring it back.  Any ideas?  From what I’ve read, Ti is 100% hypoallergenic.

        Is the ring a little more snug than it was before?  I have to wear my rings snug because my knuckles aren’t bigger than the part of my fingers where my rings rest.  Thus, air doesn’t circulate underneath the rings.  I do get symptoms like you describe under my rings if I wear my rings continuously.  I take them off at night and take them off to wash and dry my hands, and then it’s fine.  I really think it has *nothing* to do with any sort of allergy and has simply to do with not enough air circulation under the ring (at least in my case). Best wishes, Ericka

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <snip Peter Rowe moderator rec.crafts.jewelry (and a reasonably experienced jeweler too, after over 30 years of it, so I kinda hope I know what I’m talking about by now…) Thanks, Peter, for that very informative post.  I have some questions: In order to re-rhodium plate a gold ring (yellow gold with white gold head) would they need to remove the diamonds?  I am very nervous about having my diamonds removed, if it is necessary to do so, because I’m afraid that they will switch them with diamonds of lesser value.

You do not need to remove the diamonds.  They do not affect the process, nor are they affected by it.   And for the record,  although one occasionally hears horror stories about stone switching, the truth of the matter is that it’s VERY rare indeed.  Jewelers depend quite a bit on repeat business, and on earning the trust of their customers.  Throwing all that away for some quick but illegal and fairly small profit, would be business suicide.   It really doesn’t happen hardly at all, and when some jeweler is caught doing this, as often as not it ends up in the national news…  Keep in mind that anyone trying this would have to substitute stones of close enough quality that there’d be a chance the owner wouldn’t notice the switch.  Thus the relatively small potential profit. Secondly, if I am allergic to the white gold, am I likely to be allergic to platinum as well? (We have thought of having the diamonds reset in the same setting, only platinum, as a last resort).

In white gold, you are allergic to the nickel added to the gold alloy which makes it white instead of yellow.  Platinum is a completely seperate metal. It’s one of the most inert,  and contains no nickel, so the chances of you’re being allergic to it are exceedingly small.  Platinum is so hypoallergenic it can be used for surgical implants…  If you need to finally go this route, at least you can be quite certain that it will solve the problem. I have had my ring since Dec. 99, and have been fighting this gold allergy for about 6 months.  I’m assuming that the rhodium plating has worn off, since I have ruled out all other possibilities.  The ring is set with 3 diamonds, "half-chanel bezel" (sp?) settings. (It’s technically a three-diamond anniversary ring.) I’m also afraid that if they have to remove the diamonds, the setting will be ruined, and we will be forced to buy a new setting.

Well, almost anything can be repaired again, if it’s been messed up in unsetting stones.  But unsetting channel settings does indeed disrupt the metal most of the time. If I have it re-rhodium plated, how long wil the plating last?  

Hard to say.  the rhodium plate that jewelers put on can vary a lot in thickness, and jewelers are not usually equipped to monitor that thickness to given standards.  How much and how you wear it will determine how long it will last.   It might be a month, it might last a couple years.  Somewhere between those two… Are there things I can do to prolong the life of the plating?  How do I find a reputable jeweler to do the rhodium plating?

Ask about the jewelers process.  Ask if they are using relatively newer rhodium plating solution, and whether they are electrocleaning the items before plating. for a good deposit, the items must be chemically/surgiacally clean.  Ultrasonics and steam cleaners loosen large bits of dirt, but electrocleanign will get out any last vestiages.  As to finding a jeweler, look for independant stores with a good in house workshop, rather than a place that’s part of a chain store.  And stay away from shopping malls.  Instead, find the local jewelers who’ve been around for a while, have a good repuation, and do the work there in that store. the mall operations seldom have as technically skilled sales or service staff.. TIA for the answers to these questions – I have been seeking advice on this matter, to no avail, for a long time.  I’m glad I found your post. -L.

Your welcome Peter

Response:

<snip Peter Rowe moderator rec.crafts.jewelry (and a reasonably experienced jeweler too, after over 30 years of it, so I kinda hope I know what I’m talking about by now…)

Thanks, Peter, for that very informative post.  I have some questions:  In order to re-rhodium plate a gold ring (yellow gold with white gold head) would they need to remove the diamonds?  I am very nervous about having my diamonds removed, if it is necessary to do so, because I’m afraid that they will switch them with diamonds of lesser value. Secondly, if I am allergic to the white gold, am I likely to be allergic to platinum as well? (We have thought of having the diamonds reset in the same setting, only platinum, as a last resort). I have had my ring since Dec. 99, and have been fighting this gold allergy for about 6 months.  I’m assuming that the rhodium plating has worn off, since I have ruled out all other possibilities.  The ring is set with 3 diamonds, "half-chanel bezel" (sp?) settings. (It’s technically a three-diamond anniversary ring.) I’m also afraid that if they have to remove the diamonds, the setting will be ruined, and we will be forced to buy a new setting. If I have it re-rhodium plated, how long wil the plating last?  The real problem I had was exposure to cleaning supplies chemicals while working as a molecular biologist and then later, as a veterinary technician.  That is no longer an issue.  Are there things I can do to prolong the life of the plating?  How do I find a reputable jeweler to do the rhodium plating? TIA for the answers to these questions – I have been seeking advice on this matter, to no avail, for a long time.  I’m glad I found your post. -L.

Response:

    ladies makeup and skin cleansers which have some slight abrasive properties. It’s unlikely the Ti oxide was severely abraded away but possible.

Even if you were to remove the oxide layer it would come right back. -This is assuming the ring is made from 6AL4V. The oxide layer grows instantly in the presence of oxygen. Scratch your ring and that oxide layer is coming right back as you are forming the scratch. 6 parts aluminum 4 parts vanadium 90 parts pure titanium Its this mixture that causes the best oxide layer to grow on the surface of the metal…. and that oxide layer is what gives titanium its hypo allergenic qualities. Throw in the ASTM standard (the titanium would have to be ELI), and you have a winner. A note on latex allergies: its very rare to have someone that is born with an allergy to latex. Most allergies of these types happen from being over exposed over a peiriod of time. You may have aquired a latex allergy from being exposed due to your line of work. The itching and redness is a sure sign of an allergic reaction to something. I tend to think the ring is not the culpret here. I would love to hear the outcome. Barry~ www.anatometal.com

Response:

    Looks like something happened to my original post.  Anyway, I’ve worn my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear

Definitly wait a week or so to see what happens to the ‘new’ finger – could be you just got something under your ring on the ‘regular’ finger – could you have gotten into poison ivy or some such?  You never know. Report back.  :) TQ

Response:

If you’re asking the question in the subject line, the answer is to check the alloys and either figure out a metal which will work better (usually people have problems with nickel in the alloy) or find a way to keep the alloy from sitting against the skin. Sometimes using a thin coat of clear nail polish will do the trick…but this is not a very good permanent solution.

I was going to suggest a permanent lacquer. Liz

Response:

Have you changed soap or use lotion?  Try cleaning your ring and dry your finger and the ring after washing.  I had this problem before, the skin just gets tired of being abused with chemicals, dampness and chaffing.  Hope this is helpful. — Connie

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –     Looks like something happened to my original post.  Anyway, I’ve worn my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear latex gloves and work with chemicals but I can’t remember spilling anything on myself and I don’t have a latex allergy.  I have no known allergies.  I do leave the ring on all the time even in the shower so it does remain wet afterwards.  However, no problems for 2 years.  This is my first piece of jewelry except for my watch which is stainless steel.  The nurse at work suggested there could be nickel in the ring but I don’t think that’s likely (or is it?)  I’m almost hoping my other finger breaks out to prove that something is wrong with the ring then I may be able to bring it back.  Any ideas?  From what I’ve read, Ti is 100% hypoallergenic. Thanks, Paul

Response:

I mostly second everything said by Peter. The surface of titanium will indeed be rutile, the oxide of titanium. But I think a lot of these rings are the 6AlV4 alloy (this is ‘Krell’ metal folks, very tough – for those of you fond of classic Sci-Fi movies<g) not usually CP1 (commercially pure) and PERHAPS some substance you encountered abraded through the oxide layer exposing the raw metal to your skin. This can happen with   ladies makeup and skin cleansers which have some slight abrasive properties. It’s unlikely the Ti oxide was severely abraded away but possible. Then there is this thing I learned about years ago that drug researchers call the "aardvark syndrome". If you test a substance for safety on every animal in the zoo and it only kills the aardvark – and then decide to release it for use by people – somewhere there is a human with exactly the same metabolism as an aardvark and they will ‘recycle their phophates’! perhaps you are a unique allergic reactor to titanium. Not likely but possible. Please let us know how the other finger does OK? Carl 1 Lucky Texan – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks, Paul I’m presuming you’re asking for advice? Yes he was.  Through no fault of his, the body of the post got mostly deleted when I (the moderator of the rec.crafts.jewelry newsgroup) approved and posted it, due to a software glitch in my computer.  Two versions of the reposted message appear today. First of all, when it comes to metal allergies, it’s not commonly due to titanium, gold, etc.  It’s because of what’s alloyed with.  The most common metal allergen is nickel, which is alloyed with gold and several other metals (it’s also the reason many people are allergic to so-called surgical steel). While nickel is by FAR the most aggressive problem with metal allergies, allergies to other metals are not unknown.  copper is the next most common, not surprisingly, since its the next most reactive of the common jewelery metals. it is, in fact, slightly toxic.  While it’s rare, people can also be allergic to both gold and silver, though as i say, it’s rare.  gold especiallly is rare. Platinum allergies are even rarer.  The thing with titanium is that when wearing a Ti ring, one is not exposed to metallic titanium.  The metal forms, instantly on contact with air, a thin but very tough impervious oxide coating.  Normally it’s transparent.  It can be made thicker though anodizing (forcing an electric current through the oxide, which thickens the oxide layer), to the point where the layer is thick enough to cause optical interference effects, which is why and how this type of anodizing can cause colors on titanium, and it’s relative, niobium.   This oxide layer essentially prevents an allergy to actual titanium metal, simply because it protects the wearer from the metal itself.  And the oxide layer is so stable and strong that it’s also very unlikely to be the cause of an allergic reaction.   What you need to do is get your ring coated with a pure metal to which you are not allergic.  The most common one used in this case is rhodium.  Visit a reputable jeweler and arrange to have it done. The approach works, at least temporaritly, with rings made of gold or platinum alloys.  White golds (made of gold, nickel, copper, and trace metals) are almost always rhodium electroplated, both to improve the color (rhodium is whiter than many white golds), and to hide sometimes apparent solder joints, and it can also help prevent allergic reactions.  Nickel in white golds is enough of a problem that in europe, it’s not even legal to sell jewelery made of most white golds, if the jewelery will be worn in contact with skin.  There, most white golds are alloys made with gold and palladium, rather than the nickle.  Both rhodium and palladium are members of the platinum group of metals, and all offer exceptional degrees of freedom from common allergy problems. Note, however, that while rhodium electroplating can be done to gold or platinum rings, it’s considerably more complex to do properly on silver, so few jewelers offer it on silver, and Titanium rings cannot be rhodium plated at all, at least not by the usual means available to jewelers.  One can put such rings in the plating bath, and sometimes even see what looks like a deposit forming, but it doesn’t adhere to the titanium, due to that oxide layer mentioned above, and just brushes back off on your finger or clothes. But it shouldn’t be needed in any case.  titanium is considered one of the most inert metals in terms of it’s reactivity with the body.  Equal to platinum, or perhaps in some cases, even better.  Theres a good reason beyond just it’s low cost compared to gold, why so much piercing jewelery is made in titanium, as well as why it’s such a commonly used metal in surgical implants.  It simply doesnt’ cause the problems other metals do. Still, ANY ring can trap contaminants, and often titanium rings are finished with a matte finish, sandblast finish, or other finish that’s not a high polish on the inside.  The reasons for this are that in the first place, to be blunt, the stuff is a bitch to polish, and for the somewhat lower costs charged for titanium pieces, few jewelers are willing to spend the time and effort (and thus cost) to struggle with getting titanium really high polished.  Plus, since so often it’s anodized for a bright color, the matte finishes show the colors much more intensely.  But the scratches or microscopic multiple pits, or whatever, that make the surface matte finished are on some level, all capable of trapping small amounts of foreign material, which may be an allergen.  If this is the case (and it probably wouldn’t be an actually visible layer), then just a good thorough cleaning should help a lot.  And if more aggressive action is needed, having your jeweler get as good a polish on the inside of the ring as he/she can do, will also help a lot, even if it isn’t a mirror shine, perfect polish) Peter Rowe moderator rec.crafts.jewelry (and a reasonably experienced jeweler too, after over 30 years of it, so I kinda hope I know what I’m talking about by now…)

– to reply, change  ( .not)  to  ( .net)

Response:

Thanks, Paul I’m presuming you’re asking for advice?

Yes he was.  Through no fault of his, the body of the post got mostly deleted when I (the moderator of the rec.crafts.jewelry newsgroup) approved and posted it, due to a software glitch in my computer.  Two versions of the reposted message appear today. First of all, when it comes to metal allergies, it’s not commonly due to titanium, gold, etc.  It’s because of what’s alloyed with.  The most common metal allergen is nickel, which is alloyed with gold and several other metals (it’s also the reason many people are allergic to so-called surgical steel).

While nickel is by FAR the most aggressive problem with metal allergies, allergies to other metals are not unknown.  copper is the next most common, not surprisingly, since its the next most reactive of the common jewelery metals. it is, in fact, slightly toxic.  While it’s rare, people can also be allergic to both gold and silver, though as i say, it’s rare.  gold especiallly is rare. Platinum allergies are even rarer.  The thing with titanium is that when wearing a Ti ring, one is not exposed to metallic titanium.  The metal forms, instantly on contact with air, a thin but very tough impervious oxide coating.  Normally it’s transparent.  It can be made thicker though anodizing (forcing an electric current through the oxide, which thickens the oxide layer), to the point where the layer is thick enough to cause optical interference effects, which is why and how this type of anodizing can cause colors on titanium, and it’s relative, niobium.   This oxide layer essentially prevents an allergy to actual titanium metal, simply because it protects the wearer from the metal itself.  And the oxide layer is so stable and strong that it’s also very unlikely to be the cause of an allergic reaction.   What you need to do is get your ring coated with a pure metal to which you are not allergic.  The most common one used in this case is rhodium.  Visit a reputable jeweler and arrange to have it done.

The approach works, at least temporaritly, with rings made of gold or platinum alloys.  White golds (made of gold, nickel, copper, and trace metals) are almost always rhodium electroplated, both to improve the color (rhodium is whiter than many white golds), and to hide sometimes apparent solder joints, and it can also help prevent allergic reactions.  Nickel in white golds is enough of a problem that in europe, it’s not even legal to sell jewelery made of most white golds, if the jewelery will be worn in contact with skin.  There, most white golds are alloys made with gold and palladium, rather than the nickle.  Both rhodium and palladium are members of the platinum group of metals, and all offer exceptional degrees of freedom from common allergy problems. Note, however, that while rhodium electroplating can be done to gold or platinum rings, it’s considerably more complex to do properly on silver, so few jewelers offer it on silver, and Titanium rings cannot be rhodium plated at all, at least not by the usual means available to jewelers.  One can put such rings in the plating bath, and sometimes even see what looks like a deposit forming, but it doesn’t adhere to the titanium, due to that oxide layer mentioned above, and just brushes back off on your finger or clothes. But it shouldn’t be needed in any case.  titanium is considered one of the most inert metals in terms of it’s reactivity with the body.  Equal to platinum, or perhaps in some cases, even better.  Theres a good reason beyond just it’s low cost compared to gold, why so much piercing jewelery is made in titanium, as well as why it’s such a commonly used metal in surgical implants.  It simply doesnt’ cause the problems other metals do. Still, ANY ring can trap contaminants, and often titanium rings are finished with a matte finish, sandblast finish, or other finish that’s not a high polish on the inside.  The reasons for this are that in the first place, to be blunt, the stuff is a bitch to polish, and for the somewhat lower costs charged for titanium pieces, few jewelers are willing to spend the time and effort (and thus cost) to struggle with getting titanium really high polished.  Plus, since so often it’s anodized for a bright color, the matte finishes show the colors much more intensely.  But the scratches or microscopic multiple pits, or whatever, that make the surface matte finished are on some level, all capable of trapping small amounts of foreign material, which may be an allergen.  If this is the case (and it probably wouldn’t be an actually visible layer), then just a good thorough cleaning should help a lot.  And if more aggressive action is needed, having your jeweler get as good a polish on the inside of the ring as he/she can do, will also help a lot, even if it isn’t a mirror shine, perfect polish) Peter Rowe moderator rec.crafts.jewelry (and a reasonably experienced jeweler too, after over 30 years of it, so I kinda hope I know what I’m talking about by now…)

Response:

Thanks, Paul

I’m presuming you’re asking for advice? First of all, when it comes to metal allergies, it’s not commonly due to titanium, gold, etc.  It’s because of what’s alloyed with.  The most common metal allergen is nickel, which is alloyed with gold and several other metals (it’s also the reason many people are allergic to so-called surgical steel). What you need to do is get your ring coated with a pure metal to which you are not allergic.  The most common one used in this case is rhodium.  Visit a reputable jeweler and arrange to have it done. Sharon in San Jose (jewelry maven, and allergic to nickel)

Response:

    I’ve been wearing my titanium wedding band continuously for nearly 2 years.  Just last week my ring finger became itchy and slighty red/raised under my ring.  I switched the ring to my right hand.  Except for my plastic/stainless steel watch, this is the only piece of jewelry I have ever worn.  It was my understanding that titanium was 100% hypoallergenic.   The ring stays on in the shower and when I do dishes so it does stay wet under there.  I also work in a lab and routinely wear latex gloves.  I have no known allergies.  Someone suggested that the matte finish on the ring could trap some irritant.  The nurse at work suggested there could be trace amounts of nickel in the ring but I doubt there would be enough compared to gold or other metals.  Anyway, I’m looking for any ideas– especially how to clean the ring (never been done except under running tap water) so my other finger doesn’t break out.  It’s OK so far.                                 Thanks, Paul

Response:

If you’re asking the question in the subject line, the answer is to check the alloys and either figure out a metal which will work better (usually people have problems with nickel in the alloy) or find a way to keep the alloy from sitting against the skin. Sometimes using a thin coat of clear nail polish will do the trick…but this is not a very good permanent solution. Jenrose

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks, Paul

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                                        Thanks, Paul

Response:

    Looks like something happened to my original post.  Anyway, I’ve worn my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear latex gloves and work with chemicals but I can’t remember spilling anything on myself and I don’t have a latex allergy.  I have no known allergies.  I do leave the ring on all the time even in the shower so it does remain wet afterwards.  However, no problems for 2 years.  This is my first piece of jewelry except for my watch which is stainless steel.  The nurse at work suggested there could be nickel in the ring but I don’t think that’s likely (or is it?)  I’m almost hoping my other finger breaks out to prove that something is wrong with the ring then I may be able to bring it back.  Any ideas?  From what I’ve read, Ti is 100% hypoallergenic.                                 Thanks, Paul

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Question:

                                        Thanks, Paul

Response:

    Looks like something happened to my original post.  Anyway, I’ve worn my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear latex gloves and work with chemicals but I can’t remember spilling anything on myself and I don’t have a latex allergy.  I have no known allergies.  I do leave the ring on all the time even in the shower so it does remain wet afterwards.  However, no problems for 2 years.  This is my first piece of jewelry except for my watch which is stainless steel.  The nurse at work suggested there could be nickel in the ring but I don’t think that’s likely (or is it?)  I’m almost hoping my other finger breaks out to prove that something is wrong with the ring then I may be able to bring it back.  Any ideas?  From what I’ve read, Ti is 100% hypoallergenic.                                 Thanks, Paul

Response:

If you’re asking the question in the subject line, the answer is to check the alloys and either figure out a metal which will work better (usually people have problems with nickel in the alloy) or find a way to keep the alloy from sitting against the skin. Sometimes using a thin coat of clear nail polish will do the trick…but this is not a very good permanent solution. Jenrose

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks, Paul

Response:

Thanks, Paul

I’m presuming you’re asking for advice? First of all, when it comes to metal allergies, it’s not commonly due to titanium, gold, etc.  It’s because of what’s alloyed with.  The most common metal allergen is nickel, which is alloyed with gold and several other metals (it’s also the reason many people are allergic to so-called surgical steel). What you need to do is get your ring coated with a pure metal to which you are not allergic.  The most common one used in this case is rhodium.  Visit a reputable jeweler and arrange to have it done. Sharon in San Jose (jewelry maven, and allergic to nickel)

Response:

Thanks, Paul I’m presuming you’re asking for advice?

Yes he was.  Through no fault of his, the body of the post got mostly deleted when I (the moderator of the rec.crafts.jewelry newsgroup) approved and posted it, due to a software glitch in my computer.  Two versions of the reposted message appear today. First of all, when it comes to metal allergies, it’s not commonly due to titanium, gold, etc.  It’s because of what’s alloyed with.  The most common metal allergen is nickel, which is alloyed with gold and several other metals (it’s also the reason many people are allergic to so-called surgical steel).

While nickel is by FAR the most aggressive problem with metal allergies, allergies to other metals are not unknown.  copper is the next most common, not surprisingly, since its the next most reactive of the common jewelery metals. it is, in fact, slightly toxic.  While it’s rare, people can also be allergic to both gold and silver, though as i say, it’s rare.  gold especiallly is rare. Platinum allergies are even rarer.  The thing with titanium is that when wearing a Ti ring, one is not exposed to metallic titanium.  The metal forms, instantly on contact with air, a thin but very tough impervious oxide coating.  Normally it’s transparent.  It can be made thicker though anodizing (forcing an electric current through the oxide, which thickens the oxide layer), to the point where the layer is thick enough to cause optical interference effects, which is why and how this type of anodizing can cause colors on titanium, and it’s relative, niobium.   This oxide layer essentially prevents an allergy to actual titanium metal, simply because it protects the wearer from the metal itself.  And the oxide layer is so stable and strong that it’s also very unlikely to be the cause of an allergic reaction.   What you need to do is get your ring coated with a pure metal to which you are not allergic.  The most common one used in this case is rhodium.  Visit a reputable jeweler and arrange to have it done.

The approach works, at least temporaritly, with rings made of gold or platinum alloys.  White golds (made of gold, nickel, copper, and trace metals) are almost always rhodium electroplated, both to improve the color (rhodium is whiter than many white golds), and to hide sometimes apparent solder joints, and it can also help prevent allergic reactions.  Nickel in white golds is enough of a problem that in europe, it’s not even legal to sell jewelery made of most white golds, if the jewelery will be worn in contact with skin.  There, most white golds are alloys made with gold and palladium, rather than the nickle.  Both rhodium and palladium are members of the platinum group of metals, and all offer exceptional degrees of freedom from common allergy problems. Note, however, that while rhodium electroplating can be done to gold or platinum rings, it’s considerably more complex to do properly on silver, so few jewelers offer it on silver, and Titanium rings cannot be rhodium plated at all, at least not by the usual means available to jewelers.  One can put such rings in the plating bath, and sometimes even see what looks like a deposit forming, but it doesn’t adhere to the titanium, due to that oxide layer mentioned above, and just brushes back off on your finger or clothes. But it shouldn’t be needed in any case.  titanium is considered one of the most inert metals in terms of it’s reactivity with the body.  Equal to platinum, or perhaps in some cases, even better.  Theres a good reason beyond just it’s low cost compared to gold, why so much piercing jewelery is made in titanium, as well as why it’s such a commonly used metal in surgical implants.  It simply doesnt’ cause the problems other metals do. Still, ANY ring can trap contaminants, and often titanium rings are finished with a matte finish, sandblast finish, or other finish that’s not a high polish on the inside.  The reasons for this are that in the first place, to be blunt, the stuff is a bitch to polish, and for the somewhat lower costs charged for titanium pieces, few jewelers are willing to spend the time and effort (and thus cost) to struggle with getting titanium really high polished.  Plus, since so often it’s anodized for a bright color, the matte finishes show the colors much more intensely.  But the scratches or microscopic multiple pits, or whatever, that make the surface matte finished are on some level, all capable of trapping small amounts of foreign material, which may be an allergen.  If this is the case (and it probably wouldn’t be an actually visible layer), then just a good thorough cleaning should help a lot.  And if more aggressive action is needed, having your jeweler get as good a polish on the inside of the ring as he/she can do, will also help a lot, even if it isn’t a mirror shine, perfect polish) Peter Rowe moderator rec.crafts.jewelry (and a reasonably experienced jeweler too, after over 30 years of it, so I kinda hope I know what I’m talking about by now…)

Response:

I mostly second everything said by Peter. The surface of titanium will indeed be rutile, the oxide of titanium. But I think a lot of these rings are the 6AlV4 alloy (this is ‘Krell’ metal folks, very tough – for those of you fond of classic Sci-Fi movies<g) not usually CP1 (commercially pure) and PERHAPS some substance you encountered abraded through the oxide layer exposing the raw metal to your skin. This can happen with   ladies makeup and skin cleansers which have some slight abrasive properties. It’s unlikely the Ti oxide was severely abraded away but possible. Then there is this thing I learned about years ago that drug researchers call the "aardvark syndrome". If you test a substance for safety on every animal in the zoo and it only kills the aardvark – and then decide to release it for use by people – somewhere there is a human with exactly the same metabolism as an aardvark and they will ‘recycle their phophates’! perhaps you are a unique allergic reactor to titanium. Not likely but possible. Please let us know how the other finger does OK? Carl 1 Lucky Texan – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks, Paul I’m presuming you’re asking for advice? Yes he was.  Through no fault of his, the body of the post got mostly deleted when I (the moderator of the rec.crafts.jewelry newsgroup) approved and posted it, due to a software glitch in my computer.  Two versions of the reposted message appear today. First of all, when it comes to metal allergies, it’s not commonly due to titanium, gold, etc.  It’s because of what’s alloyed with.  The most common metal allergen is nickel, which is alloyed with gold and several other metals (it’s also the reason many people are allergic to so-called surgical steel). While nickel is by FAR the most aggressive problem with metal allergies, allergies to other metals are not unknown.  copper is the next most common, not surprisingly, since its the next most reactive of the common jewelery metals. it is, in fact, slightly toxic.  While it’s rare, people can also be allergic to both gold and silver, though as i say, it’s rare.  gold especiallly is rare. Platinum allergies are even rarer.  The thing with titanium is that when wearing a Ti ring, one is not exposed to metallic titanium.  The metal forms, instantly on contact with air, a thin but very tough impervious oxide coating.  Normally it’s transparent.  It can be made thicker though anodizing (forcing an electric current through the oxide, which thickens the oxide layer), to the point where the layer is thick enough to cause optical interference effects, which is why and how this type of anodizing can cause colors on titanium, and it’s relative, niobium.   This oxide layer essentially prevents an allergy to actual titanium metal, simply because it protects the wearer from the metal itself.  And the oxide layer is so stable and strong that it’s also very unlikely to be the cause of an allergic reaction.   What you need to do is get your ring coated with a pure metal to which you are not allergic.  The most common one used in this case is rhodium.  Visit a reputable jeweler and arrange to have it done. The approach works, at least temporaritly, with rings made of gold or platinum alloys.  White golds (made of gold, nickel, copper, and trace metals) are almost always rhodium electroplated, both to improve the color (rhodium is whiter than many white golds), and to hide sometimes apparent solder joints, and it can also help prevent allergic reactions.  Nickel in white golds is enough of a problem that in europe, it’s not even legal to sell jewelery made of most white golds, if the jewelery will be worn in contact with skin.  There, most white golds are alloys made with gold and palladium, rather than the nickle.  Both rhodium and palladium are members of the platinum group of metals, and all offer exceptional degrees of freedom from common allergy problems. Note, however, that while rhodium electroplating can be done to gold or platinum rings, it’s considerably more complex to do properly on silver, so few jewelers offer it on silver, and Titanium rings cannot be rhodium plated at all, at least not by the usual means available to jewelers.  One can put such rings in the plating bath, and sometimes even see what looks like a deposit forming, but it doesn’t adhere to the titanium, due to that oxide layer mentioned above, and just brushes back off on your finger or clothes. But it shouldn’t be needed in any case.  titanium is considered one of the most inert metals in terms of it’s reactivity with the body.  Equal to platinum, or perhaps in some cases, even better.  Theres a good reason beyond just it’s low cost compared to gold, why so much piercing jewelery is made in titanium, as well as why it’s such a commonly used metal in surgical implants.  It simply doesnt’ cause the problems other metals do. Still, ANY ring can trap contaminants, and often titanium rings are finished with a matte finish, sandblast finish, or other finish that’s not a high polish on the inside.  The reasons for this are that in the first place, to be blunt, the stuff is a bitch to polish, and for the somewhat lower costs charged for titanium pieces, few jewelers are willing to spend the time and effort (and thus cost) to struggle with getting titanium really high polished.  Plus, since so often it’s anodized for a bright color, the matte finishes show the colors much more intensely.  But the scratches or microscopic multiple pits, or whatever, that make the surface matte finished are on some level, all capable of trapping small amounts of foreign material, which may be an allergen.  If this is the case (and it probably wouldn’t be an actually visible layer), then just a good thorough cleaning should help a lot.  And if more aggressive action is needed, having your jeweler get as good a polish on the inside of the ring as he/she can do, will also help a lot, even if it isn’t a mirror shine, perfect polish) Peter Rowe moderator rec.crafts.jewelry (and a reasonably experienced jeweler too, after over 30 years of it, so I kinda hope I know what I’m talking about by now…)

– to reply, change  ( .not)  to  ( .net)

Response:

Have you changed soap or use lotion?  Try cleaning your ring and dry your finger and the ring after washing.  I had this problem before, the skin just gets tired of being abused with chemicals, dampness and chaffing.  Hope this is helpful. — Connie

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –     Looks like something happened to my original post.  Anyway, I’ve worn my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear latex gloves and work with chemicals but I can’t remember spilling anything on myself and I don’t have a latex allergy.  I have no known allergies.  I do leave the ring on all the time even in the shower so it does remain wet afterwards.  However, no problems for 2 years.  This is my first piece of jewelry except for my watch which is stainless steel.  The nurse at work suggested there could be nickel in the ring but I don’t think that’s likely (or is it?)  I’m almost hoping my other finger breaks out to prove that something is wrong with the ring then I may be able to bring it back.  Any ideas?  From what I’ve read, Ti is 100% hypoallergenic. Thanks, Paul

Response:

    Looks like something happened to my original post.  Anyway, I’ve worn my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear

Definitly wait a week or so to see what happens to the ‘new’ finger – could be you just got something under your ring on the ‘regular’ finger – could you have gotten into poison ivy or some such?  You never know. Report back.  :) TQ

Response:

If you’re asking the question in the subject line, the answer is to check the alloys and either figure out a metal which will work better (usually people have problems with nickel in the alloy) or find a way to keep the alloy from sitting against the skin. Sometimes using a thin coat of clear nail polish will do the trick…but this is not a very good permanent solution.

I was going to suggest a permanent lacquer. Liz

Response:

    ladies makeup and skin cleansers which have some slight abrasive properties. It’s unlikely the Ti oxide was severely abraded away but possible.

Even if you were to remove the oxide layer it would come right back. -This is assuming the ring is made from 6AL4V. The oxide layer grows instantly in the presence of oxygen. Scratch your ring and that oxide layer is coming right back as you are forming the scratch. 6 parts aluminum 4 parts vanadium 90 parts pure titanium Its this mixture that causes the best oxide layer to grow on the surface of the metal…. and that oxide layer is what gives titanium its hypo allergenic qualities. Throw in the ASTM standard (the titanium would have to be ELI), and you have a winner. A note on latex allergies: its very rare to have someone that is born with an allergy to latex. Most allergies of these types happen from being over exposed over a peiriod of time. You may have aquired a latex allergy from being exposed due to your line of work. The itching and redness is a sure sign of an allergic reaction to something. I tend to think the ring is not the culpret here. I would love to hear the outcome. Barry~ www.anatometal.com

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<snip Peter Rowe moderator rec.crafts.jewelry (and a reasonably experienced jeweler too, after over 30 years of it, so I kinda hope I know what I’m talking about by now…)

Thanks, Peter, for that very informative post.  I have some questions:  In order to re-rhodium plate a gold ring (yellow gold with white gold head) would they need to remove the diamonds?  I am very nervous about having my diamonds removed, if it is necessary to do so, because I’m afraid that they will switch them with diamonds of lesser value. Secondly, if I am allergic to the white gold, am I likely to be allergic to platinum as well? (We have thought of having the diamonds reset in the same setting, only platinum, as a last resort). I have had my ring since Dec. 99, and have been fighting this gold allergy for about 6 months.  I’m assuming that the rhodium plating has worn off, since I have ruled out all other possibilities.  The ring is set with 3 diamonds, "half-chanel bezel" (sp?) settings. (It’s technically a three-diamond anniversary ring.) I’m also afraid that if they have to remove the diamonds, the setting will be ruined, and we will be forced to buy a new setting. If I have it re-rhodium plated, how long wil the plating last?  The real problem I had was exposure to cleaning supplies chemicals while working as a molecular biologist and then later, as a veterinary technician.  That is no longer an issue.  Are there things I can do to prolong the life of the plating?  How do I find a reputable jeweler to do the rhodium plating? TIA for the answers to these questions – I have been seeking advice on this matter, to no avail, for a long time.  I’m glad I found your post. -L.

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <snip Peter Rowe moderator rec.crafts.jewelry (and a reasonably experienced jeweler too, after over 30 years of it, so I kinda hope I know what I’m talking about by now…) Thanks, Peter, for that very informative post.  I have some questions: In order to re-rhodium plate a gold ring (yellow gold with white gold head) would they need to remove the diamonds?  I am very nervous about having my diamonds removed, if it is necessary to do so, because I’m afraid that they will switch them with diamonds of lesser value.

You do not need to remove the diamonds.  They do not affect the process, nor are they affected by it.   And for the record,  although one occasionally hears horror stories about stone switching, the truth of the matter is that it’s VERY rare indeed.  Jewelers depend quite a bit on repeat business, and on earning the trust of their customers.  Throwing all that away for some quick but illegal and fairly small profit, would be business suicide.   It really doesn’t happen hardly at all, and when some jeweler is caught doing this, as often as not it ends up in the national news…  Keep in mind that anyone trying this would have to substitute stones of close enough quality that there’d be a chance the owner wouldn’t notice the switch.  Thus the relatively small potential profit. Secondly, if I am allergic to the white gold, am I likely to be allergic to platinum as well? (We have thought of having the diamonds reset in the same setting, only platinum, as a last resort).

In white gold, you are allergic to the nickel added to the gold alloy which makes it white instead of yellow.  Platinum is a completely seperate metal. It’s one of the most inert,  and contains no nickel, so the chances of you’re being allergic to it are exceedingly small.  Platinum is so hypoallergenic it can be used for surgical implants…  If you need to finally go this route, at least you can be quite certain that it will solve the problem. I have had my ring since Dec. 99, and have been fighting this gold allergy for about 6 months.  I’m assuming that the rhodium plating has worn off, since I have ruled out all other possibilities.  The ring is set with 3 diamonds, "half-chanel bezel" (sp?) settings. (It’s technically a three-diamond anniversary ring.) I’m also afraid that if they have to remove the diamonds, the setting will be ruined, and we will be forced to buy a new setting.

Well, almost anything can be repaired again, if it’s been messed up in unsetting stones.  But unsetting channel settings does indeed disrupt the metal most of the time. If I have it re-rhodium plated, how long wil the plating last?  

Hard to say.  the rhodium plate that jewelers put on can vary a lot in thickness, and jewelers are not usually equipped to monitor that thickness to given standards.  How much and how you wear it will determine how long it will last.   It might be a month, it might last a couple years.  Somewhere between those two… Are there things I can do to prolong the life of the plating?  How do I find a reputable jeweler to do the rhodium plating?

Ask about the jewelers process.  Ask if they are using relatively newer rhodium plating solution, and whether they are electrocleaning the items before plating. for a good deposit, the items must be chemically/surgiacally clean.  Ultrasonics and steam cleaners loosen large bits of dirt, but electrocleanign will get out any last vestiages.  As to finding a jeweler, look for independant stores with a good in house workshop, rather than a place that’s part of a chain store.  And stay away from shopping malls.  Instead, find the local jewelers who’ve been around for a while, have a good repuation, and do the work there in that store. the mall operations seldom have as technically skilled sales or service staff.. TIA for the answers to these questions – I have been seeking advice on this matter, to no avail, for a long time.  I’m glad I found your post. -L.

Your welcome Peter

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –     ladies makeup and skin cleansers which have some slight abrasive properties. It’s unlikely the Ti oxide was severely abraded away but possible. Even if you were to remove the oxide layer it would come right back. -This is assuming the ring is made from 6AL4V. The oxide layer grows instantly in the presence of oxygen. Scratch your ring and that oxide layer is coming right back as you are forming the scratch. 6 parts aluminum 4 parts vanadium 90 parts pure titanium

Actually to chemical composition of 6Al4V is typically more like this: C     0.08% Fe    0.05% N     0.05% Al    5.5/6.75% O     0.20% V     3.5/4.5% H     0.015%   sheet,       0.0125%  bar       0.0100%  billet Ti    Balance Abrasha http://www.abrasha.com

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: : my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week : did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my : ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear : : Definitly wait a week or so to see what happens to the ‘new’ : Report back.  :)    Well, I’m happy to report (hopefully not prematurely) that my ring finger no longer itches and the skin is back to its normal level.  It’s just a little dry there and looks tanner than the rest of my finger–like a ring tattoo. My "test" hand hasn’t broken out.  The ring will stay there, however, until my ring finger is completely back to normal.  From the cumulative input of the group, it seems the ring needed a good cleaning.  The inside of the ring is engraved and some allergen could have been laying in wait for the right moment.  Sneaky allergens!                                         Thanks everyone,                                         Paul

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Actually to chemical composition of 6Al4V is typically more like this: C     0.08% Fe    0.05% N     0.05% Al    5.5/6.75% O     0.20% V     3.5/4.5% H     0.015%   sheet,       0.0125%  bar       0.0100%  billet Ti    Balance Abrasha http://www.abrasha.com

The grade I am talking about (ASTM F136)(6AL4V ELI): T     Balance AL  5.5-6.5 V    3.5-4.5 Fe    0-.30 H     0-.015 N     0-.05 O     0-.20 C     0-.10 Being as we are including trace matierials here. Barry~ www.anatometal.com

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   Well, I’m happy to report (hopefully not prematurely) that my ring finger no longer itches and the skin is back to its normal level.  It’s just a little dry there and looks tanner than the rest of my finger–like a ring tattoo.

 If the finger looks "tanner" under the ring that is direct evidence of chemical irritant. Not usually associated with metal allergy. My guess is that although you use normal precautions to avoid contamination from your work you have handled some object which was, in fact, contaminated without your knowledge. — Don Thompson Ex ROMAD

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Actually to chemical composition of 6Al4V is typically more like this: The grade I am talking about (ASTM F136)(6AL4V ELI):

this is awesome, a "my penis is bigger than your penis" competition of the jewelry world. good going, boys. Purity

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Actually to chemical composition of 6Al4V is typically more like this: The grade I am talking about (ASTM F136)(6AL4V ELI): this is awesome, a "my penis is bigger than your penis" competition of the jewelry world. good going, boys. Purity

This is nothing! You should see ‘em go at it at the APP. I bet Barry’s pretty psyched Erik’s going… It’ll be like battle of the APP allstars!!! erica

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  This is nothing! You should see ‘em go at it at the APP. I bet Barry’s pretty psyched Erik’s going… It’ll be like battle of the APP allstars!!! erica

Easy thar hippielet. You are going to be close enough for me to throw cow dung at you. 1) Erik is my homeboy. 2) Bring amber. Barry. www.anatometal.com

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  This is nothing! You should see ‘em go at it at the APP. I bet Barry’s pretty psyched Erik’s going… It’ll be like battle of the APP allstars!!! Easy thar hippielet. You are going to be close enough for me to throw cow dung at you. 1) Erik is my homeboy. 2) Bring amber.

I’m thinkin’… 3) Cerrito of mud, ala Devil’s Tower, and hemp butterfly net, as counterattack system. 4) Bring freeze dried Zachary’s frittata. e

Response:

[followups]  If the finger looks "tanner" under the ring that is direct evidence of chemical irritant. Not usually associated with metal allergy.

Or it could be post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation, which can happen with any prolonged inflammation, including metal allergy. Lara

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This is obviously a sign that you shouldn’t be married.  Leave now while you have a chance. Use your spare money to tip strippers. You’ll be happier.

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – : : my titanium wedding band continuously for almost 2 years.  Only last week : did I notice my ring finger getting itchy and red/raised underneath my : ring.  I switched it my other hand.  I work in a lab and routinely wear : : Definitly wait a week or so to see what happens to the ‘new’ : Report back.  :)    Well, I’m happy to report (hopefully not prematurely) that my ring finger no longer itches and the skin is back to its normal level.  It’s just a little dry there and looks tanner than the rest of my finger–like a ring tattoo. My "test" hand hasn’t broken out.  The ring will stay there, however, until my ring finger is completely back to normal.  From the cumulative input of the group, it seems the ring needed a good cleaning.  The inside of the ring is engraved and some allergen could have been laying in wait for the right moment.  Sneaky allergens!                                         Thanks everyone,                                         Paul

My wife had a problem with fungus under her ring. She worked with icing cakes, and it was like a culture dish between her finger and the ring. I designed a more open style, to let the air circulate, and it solved the problem. If it’s too tight it might do the same thing. It does sound like you narrowed down the cause. If it’s engraved, the edges of the engraving could be scoring your skin & causing irritation as well. I would have the inside polished to smooth the edges of that engraving. along with keeping it clean, you should be OK. I had to leave bench work after 18 years at it, due to a gold allergy. (The rare cases Peter was talking about I can still wear gold, but if the filings cut through or into the skin, it will react. http://www.goldart.net/allergy.htm  These are the pictures from when I was working at the bench about 4 years ago. If any of you bench persons have a similar look to your digits, see a dermatologist to narrow the cause down. Mine was a gold crown in my mouth, that has since been replaced with Palladium/silver. JC — John Christensen          http://www.home.earthlink.net/~johncgg/

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Question:

Hello, I bought a engagement from sndgems.com and I am very pleased with the platinum ring from sndgems.com. A year later I bought a anniversary ring from them and I paid half the price I would have paid at a local jewelry store. Thanks.

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Wasn’t it Sam who said… I bought a anniversary ring from them and I paid half the price I would have paid at a local jewelry store

Wow Sam!   And then, the employee discount must have made it even cheaper!   Silly spammer…. — Joe Pucillo Baltimore, Maryland  USA To reply by email, please remove the .xx from the address.

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SPAMMER Ron Ng Knows!

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Question:

Michael, About 10 years ago when on a cruise to the Southern Caribbean, my wife purchased a beautiful Rolex from Little Switzerland in St. Thomas. Although she (we) paid a lot for it (around $12,500 to $13,000), it was a Rolex with diamonds and gold. She took it to a major jeweler in Birmingham that handled Rolex. The Jeweler confirmed it was genuine. The jeweler also said that my wife would have paid about $8,000 more to buy it from him. Now for the flip side. Would I buy a Rolex. Hell no! I have a $50 Fossil on my arm and I like it a lot. My wife has to wind her Rolex occasionally. Mine has never stopped. I can think of a lot of things I can do with the difference between a Rolex and a Fossil. Take at least 4 more cruises, buy some more toys for my 26′ sailboat, etc. Even if I hit the Florida Lottery, I doubt that I would buy a Rolex. John – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all, I am wondering if any out there has purchased a Rolex from A.H. Riise in St. Thomas lately? I was going to buy one (Submariner) a couple of years ago and after shopping around I found at that time I could have saved about $800 buying it there. I decided against it then, but I am getting the urge to make the purchase again.  We will be making a stop there on the Radiance OTS in a few months and I was wondering if anyone could fill me in on how much they saved recently. Thanks in advance. Mike

Response:

With everyone here who would NEVER EVER consider buying anything but a fake Rolex… A couple of questions… How many of you would ONLY buy gold plated necklaces, and not a real gold necklace? How many of you would only buy gold plated bracelets, and not a real gold bracelet? How many of you have gold plated wedding rings, instead of real gold wedding rings? [Why do I think Tom G. will have a story for this question??] What if your fianc

Question:

Maria, There isn’t a right way or wrong way. I waited till I was ready to take them off. When I did I put them away. One day I took them back where we bought them and traded it in for a cocktail ring and kept the wedding band. I do not have any daughters but my ex had given me 2 bands. One was soldered to the engagement ring and the other he purchased when I went to nursing school. These I have saved for my 2 sons. I do not have any regrets. Erin

Response:

Excellent question!  I took mine off a couple of weeks after my wife moved out.  I was talking about the co-dependent nature of my marriage in a group therapy session — "Steve good!  <Wife bad!" — and a woman who was sitting next to me asked me why I was still wearing it.  I had no good answer for her so I yanked it off my finger (which wasn’t easy since it had been on there for over twelve years) and stuffed it in my pocket.  Then I forgot about it and found it when I was doing laundry so I put it into the original box (which I’d kept since I’m such a romantic old softie) and tucked it safely away.  I wouldn’t dream of selling it or melting it down or something like that because I hope I’ll need it again some day soon and besides, it’s a beautiful ring.  I did get a bit self-conscious about the "cheater’s band" it left behind, so I started wearing my old high school ring again.  I was amazed that it still fit me perfectly (Class of ‘69)! My wife, on the other hand, has removed her rings a couple of times in the past year or so, particualarly when she wanted to rub my nose in the fact that she was having an affair last fall.  She stopped wearing the ring I got her for her fortieth birthday as well.  The impression I was left with was that she wants to make sure that she looks well and truly available to anyone who might be interested.  She had of course already disposed of them the night she came to the hospital to tell me she’d be   moved out of the house by the time I was released.  I have no idea what she may have done with them, but my hunch is that she hang onto them, especially since one of the things she removed from the house was our wedding album.  There must still be some sentiment attached to such items or I figure she would have left that behind. Steve (in the wild western suburbs of Chicago)

… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel this way? As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something else with it? All thoughts/opinions appreciated.   Thanks, Maria K.

Response:

    I took mine off as soon as I left the house, slammed it in the drawer and never looked back. I can’t even tell you where it is now, and it has only been 14 months since then and the divorce is still in the works.     Ain’t it funny how hard you can be after 3 of them damned things. After the first two, I couldn’t care less. It’s just TCB. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, First I just want to say that I appreciate all of your advice on my previous posts.  *deep breath*  I am selling my house and getting divorced.  No, it wasn’t my idea but I am learning to cope. A counseling session, self help books, friends, family, ASD… all are helping me out. I’m not doing any backflips these days but getting out of bed in the morning is not akin to climbing mount everest — and while I still get weepy over what is happening, it is usually only once/twice a day and not once/twice an half hour. It is funny how little things get you.  After volleyball, a male teammate and I went to a local sandwich shop.  We were talking about what we were going to get as we stood at the counter.  The clerk said to me "Are you together or alone?"  I replied "I am alone" and then I started to tear up.   Geez, who knew that buying a sandwich could be that traumatic. Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel this way? As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something else with it? All thoughts/opinions appreciated. Thanks, Maria K. Yep — I do have a new song now.    (I’m not ready to party but I’m not going to lie down and die either.) "It’s time to face and come-on in and join the party Life has been waiting for you to care Don’t try to fake it, jump on in and get it started There’s so much lovin for you to share ! There is nowhere to run There is no way to hide Don’t let it beat you Say ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘bye’ Once you dig in You’ll find it coming out the other side And once you dig in You’ll find you’ll have yourself a good time"

– Cry havoc! and let loose the dogs of war….. — William Shakespeare

Response:

I took off my wedding ring the night he told me that he was leaving. I also have not worn any jewellery that he bought since that day. I expect I will wear the earrings and pendants at some time in the future but I don’t think I will wear the rings. I had two wedding rings because we bought new ones for our tenth anniversary. I think the rings are in the bedside cabinet. He took his off a week before he told me but I didn’t notice ( he hasn’t always worn a ring especially when he has been working on the car or motorbike). Debbie

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel this way? As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something else with it? All thoughts/opinions appreciated. Thanks, Maria K. Yep — I do have a new song now.    (I’m not ready to party but I’m not going to lie down and die either.) "It’s time to face and come-on in and join the party Life has been waiting for you to care Don’t try to fake it, jump on in and get it started There’s so much lovin for you to share ! There is nowhere to run There is no way to hide Don’t let it beat you Say ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘bye’ Once you dig in You’ll find it coming out the other side And once you dig in You’ll find you’ll have yourself a good time"

Response:

Jack Frost wrote… My rings sit in my jewllery box. I don’t know what to do with them. Maybe give them to my son one day for his future bride? But seeing how they come from a split marriage they might be jinxed. I’d be interested to hear what others have done with theirs. I won’t give them back to my stbx. They are mine. I have always admired diamond earrings maybe I’ll have them transformed. Nice trophy Lisa

I’m not sure I’d call it a "trophy"…

Response:

So in your opinion the ring is a gift!  I think it as a symbol, not a gift. Sort of like a contract and a no trespassing sign.  That may be a ridiculous idea but to me gifts are other sorts of things. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Never wore mine – or did just for a short time.  Could never get used to wearing jewelry. It belongs with the recipient, not the giver (IMO).  I would never stoop to asking my s2bx to give her ring back.  That’s ridiculous!  Of course, if it were worth $10,000, I might have second thoughts!  (it would then have to be part of the estate settlement, I think)

Response:

I plan to give my engagement ring to my son…..my daughter will have my mother’s engagement ring….She recently got engaged, with two rows of diamonds (looks more like an anniversary ring, and I can’t imagine what kind of wedding ring will go with it.) Now if my money is disappearing faster than I can earn it, I might have to sell the rings. Tispe

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My rings sit in my jewllery box. I don’t know what to do with them. Maybe give them to my son one day for his future bride? But seeing how they come from a split marriage they might be jinxed. I’d be interested to hear what others have done with theirs. I won’t give them back to my stbx. They are mine. I have always admired diamond earrings maybe I’ll have them transformed. Nice trophy Lisa

Response:

Never wore mine – or did just for a short time.  Could never get used to wearing jewelry. It belongs with the recipient, not the giver (IMO).  I would never stoop to asking my s2bx to give her ring back.  That’s ridiculous!  Of course, if it were worth $10,000, I might have second thoughts!  (it would then have to be part of the estate settlement, I think)

Response:

In my specific case, he didn’t even give me my ring.  I purchased it myself, with my own money.  I think I spent $25.00.  (He never had a ring at all – doesn’t like jewelry, didn’t want to wear one, so we didn’t spend any money on a ring for him.)  I don’t see any reason *at all* to give him my ring.

In your case, I agree.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My rings sit in my jewllery box. I don’t know what to do with them. Maybe give them to my son one day for his future bride? But seeing how they come from a split marriage they might be jinxed. I’d be interested to hear what others have done with theirs. I won’t give them back to my stbx. They are mine. I have always admired diamond earrings maybe I’ll have them transformed. Nice trophy Lisa

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel this way? As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something else with it? All thoughts/opinions appreciated.   Thanks, Maria K.

I stopped wearing my ring the day I made the decision to get out of the nightmare.  It is in a little baggy with some other jewellery, and I will probably sell it some day, or break it down and sell the diamonds and keep the rubies.   Becky

Response:

Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?  

I stopped wearing it the night she announced she was leaving.  I flushed it down the toilet. Why did you stop wearing it when you did?

That night the ring ceased to be a symbol of a committed, loving life together and became a symbol of anger and betrayal. Was it before you were legally divorced?

Yes. Was it while you were still living in the same house?

Technically, yes. -b

Response:

ASD (Alt.Support.Divorce) is having a Saturday Night Chat every week now on IRC (Internet Relay Chat). We are using the DalNet server group, and specifically you will find the fewest problems if you select the server suggested in the instructions. The chat room is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, of course, but you’ll find a group of ASD folks here every Saturday night from 8:00 p.m. EDT to usually well past midnight. Come on in and join us! Right about now, some of you guys are wondering what the heck is DalNet, and there is a voice in the back of your minds saying ‘Help meeeee help meeeee." Well Never Fear! There are step by step instructions at http://www.altsupportdivorce.org/ Take a look under IRC chat, and feel free to message me if you have any problems at all. My ICQ# is 86282159 , and my AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger ID’s are both RWCurriden2 Hope to see you there! Rob

Response:

never wore mine anyway but I taped it to the wedding album that was collected with her clothes and personal belongings – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi, First I just want to say that I appreciate all of your advice on my previous posts.  *deep breath*  I am selling my house and getting divorced.  No, it wasn’t my idea but I am learning to cope. A counseling session, self help books, friends, family, ASD… all are helping me out. I’m not doing any backflips these days but getting out of bed in the morning is not akin to climbing mount everest — and while I still get weepy over what is happening, it is usually only once/twice a day and not once/twice an half hour. It is funny how little things get you.  After volleyball, a male teammate and I went to a local sandwich shop.  We were talking about what we were going to get as we stood at the counter.  The clerk said to me "Are you together or alone?"  I replied "I am alone" and then I started to tear up.   Geez, who knew that buying a sandwich could be that traumatic. Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel this way? As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something else with it? All thoughts/opinions appreciated.   Thanks, Maria K. Yep — I do have a new song now.    (I’m not ready to party but I’m not going to lie down and die either.) "It’s time to face and come-on in and join the party Life has been waiting for you to care Don’t try to fake it, jump on in and get it started There’s so much lovin for you to share ! There is nowhere to run There is no way to hide Don’t let it beat you Say ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘bye’ Once you dig in You’ll find it coming out the other side And once you dig in You’ll find you’ll have yourself a good time"

Response:

I wrapped mine in bread and through it in the ocean. I watched the fish eat it off the pear. That was 30 days after the bitch left me, after 20 years.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, First I just want to say that I appreciate all of your advice on my previous posts.  *deep breath*  I am selling my house and getting divorced.  No, it wasn’t my idea but I am learning to cope. A counseling session, self help books, friends, family, ASD… all are helping me out. I’m not doing any backflips these days but getting out of bed in the morning is not akin to climbing mount everest — and while I still get weepy over what is happening, it is usually only once/twice a day and not once/twice an half hour. It is funny how little things get you.  After volleyball, a male teammate and I went to a local sandwich shop.  We were talking about what we were going to get as we stood at the counter.  The clerk said to me "Are you together or alone?"  I replied "I am alone" and then I started to tear up.   Geez, who knew that buying a sandwich could be that traumatic. Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced? Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel this way? As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something else with it? All thoughts/opinions appreciated. Thanks, Maria K. Yep — I do have a new song now.    (I’m not ready to party but I’m not going to lie down and die either.) "It’s time to face and come-on in and join the party Life has been waiting for you to care Don’t try to fake it, jump on in and get it started There’s so much lovin for you to share ! There is nowhere to run There is no way to hide Don’t let it beat you Say ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘bye’ Once you dig in You’ll find it coming out the other side And once you dig in You’ll find you’ll have yourself a good time"

Response:

I stopped wearing my ring when I stopped "feeling" married.  That was when I’d been living alone for two or three months.  Neither of us has filed for divorce yet (as far as I know). It’s currently sitting on my desk with in the little plastic box with my paper clips.  I didn’t know what else to do with it and I still don’t.

Response:

Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious…

Good thread! We were still living together, but she had rebuffed my pleas and signed a separation agreement, so I asked for her ring back. We were wearing my (deceased) parents rings.  I put them away. –Roger–

Response:

I can’t remember when I decided to stop wearing my first wedding ring (Ex#1?) It now sits in a ring box with the ring my father wore to symbolize his marriage to my mother. They divorced when I was 13 and as soon as my dad had accepted the divorce he passed the ring on to me as a keep sake. As for my second ring – well that’s a whole different story. I actually still wear it! The ring is not your typical wedding style, I picked it out and paid for it myself. It holds no sentimental value (for obvious reason to most in this group) so I now wear it on the opposite hand (strange – well maybe, but it works for me!) For those not familiar with my saga; my second marriage was an – ‘A’ typical rebound with a rushed marriage for reasons of guilt and necessity (immigration reasons not pregnancy!) This disaster of a marriage only lasted 5 months and ended up being a small diversion in the long roller coaster ride caused by my first divorce. Isn’t life’s journey grand! John

:: Hi, :: :: First I just want to say that I appreciate all of your advice on my :: previous posts.  *deep breath*  I am selling my house and getting :: divorced.  No, it wasn’t my idea but I am learning to cope. A :: counseling session, self help books, friends, family, ASD… all are :: helping me out. I’m not doing any backflips these days but getting :: out of bed in the morning is not akin to climbing mount everest — :: and while I still get weepy over what is happening, it is usually :: only once/twice a day and not once/twice an half hour. :: :: It is funny how little things get you.  After volleyball, a male :: teammate and I went to a local sandwich shop.  We were talking about :: what we were going to get as we stood at the counter.  The clerk said :: to me "Are you together or alone?"  I replied "I am alone" and then I :: started to tear up.   Geez, who knew that buying a sandwich could be :: that traumatic. :: :: Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your :: wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing :: it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it :: while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is :: no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… :: :: I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to :: take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the :: time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel :: this way? :: :: As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did :: you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something :: else with it? :: :: All thoughts/opinions appreciated. :: :: Thanks, :: Maria K. :: :: Yep — I do have a new song now.    (I’m not ready to party but I’m :: not going to lie down and die either.) :: :: "It’s time to face and come-on in and join the party :: Life has been waiting for you to care :: Don’t try to fake it, jump on in and get it started :: There’s so much lovin for you to share ! :: :: There is nowhere to run :: There is no way to hide :: Don’t let it beat you :: Say ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘bye’ :: :: Once you dig in :: You’ll find it coming out the other side :: And once you dig in :: You’ll find you’ll have yourself a good time" — Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Response:

I took mine off shortly after we decided to get divorced. That was about six months ago and the "scar" still remains. My divorce is final on July 17. Robert

Response:

Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?

I think once the ex finally filed for divorce instead of us just being separated, that’s when the ring came off. Standing offer, if anyone ever wants to get rid of their rings, I’ll be more than happy to take them. (for free, of course)

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Maria K wrote… Hi, First I just want to say that I appreciate all of your advice on my previous posts.  *deep breath*  I am selling my house and getting divorced.  No, it wasn’t my idea but I am learning to cope. A counseling session, self help books, friends, family, ASD… all are helping me out. I’m not doing any backflips these days but getting out of bed in the morning is not akin to climbing mount everest — and while I still get weepy over what is happening, it is usually only once/twice a day and not once/twice an half hour. It is funny how little things get you.  After volleyball, a male teammate and I went to a local sandwich shop.  We were talking about what we were going to get as we stood at the counter.  The clerk said to me "Are you together or alone?"  I replied "I am alone" and then I started to tear up.   Geez, who knew that buying a sandwich could be that traumatic. Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel this way? As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something else with it? All thoughts/opinions appreciated. Thanks, Maria K.

Hi Maria, My situation is a little different than yours because I want my marriage to be over. I stopped wearing my rings a little more than two years ago although I have only been separtated two months now. The reason at the time was during pregnancy my fingers swelled and I couldn’t wear them. But after the baby was born and they did fit I never put them on. My stbx was/is very controlling and this was one way I could be in controll.<shrug My rings sit in my jewllery box. I don’t know what to do with them. Maybe give them to my son one day for his future bride? But seeing how they come from a split marriage they might be jinxed. I’d be interested to hear what others have done with theirs. I won’t give them back to my stbx. They are mine. I have always admired diamond earrings maybe I’ll have them transformed. Lisa

Response:

Personally, I took my wedding ring off immediately prior to our divorce hearing.  I had deliberately selected that day in advance to remove my ring – it seemed symbolic and appropriate to me.  Other people might feel differently… See a little more below:

IMHO both parties should return all symbols of the broken contract.

If an engagement is broken, then I think the rings should be returned.  I’m not sure that I agree in the case of a divorce – another way to look at it is that once the marriage has occurred, then the contract to marry has been observed, and the rings belong to the partners to whom they were given. Also MO the ring is a symbol of commitment and (not in legalize I know) the property of the giver (e.g., h/she is wearing MY ring).

That is where I think I differ – I think once any gift is given, then it is the property of the recipient.  I was wearing MY wedding ring, not his. In my specific case, he didn’t even give me my ring.  I purchased it myself, with my own money.  I think I spent $25.00.  (He never had a ring at all – doesn’t like jewelry, didn’t want to wear one, so we didn’t spend any money on a ring for him.)  I don’t see any reason *at all* to give him my ring. As for what I did with my wedding ring – I put it away in a box.  I plan to give it to my daughter when she is older, if she wants it. S.B. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, First I just want to say that I appreciate all of your advice on my previous posts.  *deep breath*  I am selling my house and getting divorced.  No, it wasn’t my idea but I am learning to cope. A counseling session, self help books, friends, family, ASD… all are helping me out. I’m not doing any backflips these days but getting out of bed in the morning is not akin to climbing mount everest — and while I still get weepy over what is happening, it is usually only once/twice a day and not once/twice an half hour. It is funny how little things get you.  After volleyball, a male teammate and I went to a local sandwich shop.  We were talking about what we were going to get as we stood at the counter.  The clerk said to me "Are you together or alone?"  I replied "I am alone" and then I started to tear up.   Geez, who knew that buying a sandwich could be that traumatic. Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel this way? As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something else with it? All thoughts/opinions appreciated. Thanks, Maria K. Yep — I do have a new song now.    (I’m not ready to party but I’m not going to lie down and die either.) "It’s time to face and come-on in and join the party Life has been waiting for you to care Don’t try to fake it, jump on in and get it started There’s so much lovin for you to share ! There is nowhere to run There is no way to hide Don’t let it beat you Say ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘bye’ Once you dig in You’ll find it coming out the other side And once you dig in You’ll find you’ll have yourself a good time"

Response:

IMHO both parties should return all symbols of the broken contract. Also MO the ring is a symbol of commitment and (not in legalize I know) the property of the giver (e.g., h/she is wearing MY ring).

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, First I just want to say that I appreciate all of your advice on my previous posts.  *deep breath*  I am selling my house and getting divorced.  No, it wasn’t my idea but I am learning to cope. A counseling session, self help books, friends, family, ASD… all are helping me out. I’m not doing any backflips these days but getting out of bed in the morning is not akin to climbing mount everest — and while I still get weepy over what is happening, it is usually only once/twice a day and not once/twice an half hour. It is funny how little things get you.  After volleyball, a male teammate and I went to a local sandwich shop.  We were talking about what we were going to get as we stood at the counter.  The clerk said to me "Are you together or alone?"  I replied "I am alone" and then I started to tear up.   Geez, who knew that buying a sandwich could be that traumatic. Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel this way? As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something else with it? All thoughts/opinions appreciated. Thanks, Maria K. Yep — I do have a new song now.    (I’m not ready to party but I’m not going to lie down and die either.) "It’s time to face and come-on in and join the party Life has been waiting for you to care Don’t try to fake it, jump on in and get it started There’s so much lovin for you to share ! There is nowhere to run There is no way to hide Don’t let it beat you Say ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘bye’ Once you dig in You’ll find it coming out the other side And once you dig in You’ll find you’ll have yourself a good time"

Response:

Hi, First I just want to say that I appreciate all of your advice on my previous posts.  *deep breath*  I am selling my house and getting divorced.  No, it wasn’t my idea but I am learning to cope. A counseling session, self help books, friends, family, ASD… all are helping me out. I’m not doing any backflips these days but getting out of bed in the morning is not akin to climbing mount everest — and while I still get weepy over what is happening, it is usually only once/twice a day and not once/twice an half hour. It is funny how little things get you.  After volleyball, a male teammate and I went to a local sandwich shop.  We were talking about what we were going to get as we stood at the counter.  The clerk said to me "Are you together or alone?"  I replied "I am alone" and then I started to tear up.   Geez, who knew that buying a sandwich could be that traumatic. Anyway, my question to you all — when did you stop wearing your wedding ring and what did you do with it?   Why did you stop wearing it when you did? Was it before you were legally divorced?  Was it while you were still living in the same house?  I know that there is no ‘right’ answer but I am curious… I am still wearing my wedding/engagement ring.  I’m just not ready to take if off (permanently) yet.  I think that I will know when the time is right and it is just not right yet.  Did anyone else feel this way? As for what to do with it — do you just let it sit in a drawer? Did you sell it? Did you melt it down/remove the stone and make something else with it? All thoughts/opinions appreciated.   Thanks, Maria K. Yep — I do have a new song now.    (I’m not ready to party but I’m not going to lie down and die either.) "It’s time to face and come-on in and join the party Life has been waiting for you to care Don’t try to fake it, jump on in and get it started There’s so much lovin for you to share ! There is nowhere to run There is no way to hide Don’t let it beat you Say ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘bye’ Once you dig in You’ll find it coming out the other side And once you dig in You’ll find you’ll have yourself a good time"

Response:

Question:

I proposed to my (then) girlfriend on X-mas morning. About three weeks before the big day I decided to do this. I have a hard time keeping secrets and I told everyone in her’s and my family/friends what I was going to do just so I wouldn’t spoil the surprise for her. When I had decided to do this I went to my dad and made sure it was okay with him if I gave my (now) fiance my mom’s 25th anniversary ring as the engagement ring. He was fine with it and I could see a sense of pride showing on his face. The next evening after work I got the ring resized and told her I was late because I was doing something for her Xmas gift… So the next two weeks were difficult and as I said I told everyone about this. She was (still and always will be) madly in love with me and ditto here… I heard later that my Dad had begun to send announcements to relatives overseas…. before she said yes. So a week before Xmas comes around and I end up telling her that I’m committed to asking her to marry me but I "won’t" do it on Xmas, Valentine’s, Birthdays, Easter, or Halloween (my first choice:) because it too "cliche". I couldn’t believe this but she actually believed me… Now my proposal… I got a whole bunch of Elvis CDs and got my brother to burn the chosen music on a R-CD. The label appeared as the following… Wear my ring around your neck I want you, I need you, I love you Love me tender Let me be your teddy bear You’re so square, baby I don’t care Only one Girl Unchained melody My wish came true Any way you want me Ready teddy Rip it up You belong to my heart Money Honey Earth Angel The cover had a b&w pic of the King himself with the title: Have an Elvis Christmas Love Scott Not all the songs made it on the CD I wanted to start a tradition of Christmasses (sp?) with a video camera rolling so we could have something to watch when we’re old:) So I started the tape and we exchanged gifts. The CD was in her stocking and I was going to slip the ring back in the stocking as she emptied it. NOTE: The elvis CD is significant because I saranated her on the dance floor of a Karaoke bar on my birthday after a long night. So seeing the title on the cover lit her face up. She opened the cover and saw the label and started to cry and I (thinking she read the whole cover the way it was meant to be read) pulled out the ring – then she freaked (in a good way) I started talking with tears in my eyes. She just thought I was giving her my mom’s ring and that was it. When the waterworks started I crawled over to the vidcam and paused it and asked her in private. She said yes (of course) and I turned the cam back on. It wasn’t until after I turned it on did I realize she didn’t catch what the label actually said (understandable because the colour of the paper was golden brown and the first letters of each song were in Red – difficult to read I guess). When I explained it to her she gave me a great big hug and started crying again. This was our best moment. I will admit I like telling this story because its funny and fills me with happiness any time I tell it. I’ve thought of many ways to propose. D  and I watch soaps when I get home from work (DOOL and GH) so I’m pretty familiar with all those sappy proposals. Didn’t seem to work for me. Wanted something special. Main reason for posting this is … 1) How did he propose? 2) Was I grand standing with the camera being there?

Response:

One more thing… She was surprised to the extreme when I proposed on Xmas

Response:

One more thing… She was surprised to the extreme when I proposed on Xmas

I’ll bet she was, given that she had taken you for an honest person up until then:    I end up telling her that I’m committed to asking her    to marry me but I "won’t" do it on Xmas, Valentine’s,    Birthdays, Easter, or Halloween (my first choice:)    because it too "cliche". [sic]

Response:

I think it was very sweet.. My FH and I had been talking about getting married for months !! And I had the ring picked out and everything… we were waiting to get approved to buy it on credit… So I asked him every day…’did you hear? did you call?’ and he would just avoid it…I was starting to get really upset, that maybe he was having second thoughts… Memorial weekend we planned a camping trip up to Whitefish Pointe in Michigan. I was thinking, ‘how perfect would this be to get engaged…’ I know that Whitefish Pointe is his favorite place in Michigan… (it really is beautiful. Nice sandy beach on the lake…gorgeous…)anyways… I asked him Friday (the day we were leaving) if he had heard from the bank and he hadn’t..So I was soo bummed. But I went camping anyways… We woke up Saturday morning and drove to Whitefish Pointe and I could kinda tell that something was up because he kept saying ‘you are so beautiful’. ‘i love you so much’… but I knew he didn’t have the ring…. So we get on the sand and start walking…then he says ‘lets sit down’, He then proceeded to get down on one knee and pull out the ring… I cried After that we went to Taq. Falls and the sun followed us everywhere we went…It was a gorgeous day… Congrats to you 17 days til we are married

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I proposed to my (then) girlfriend on X-mas morning. About three weeks before the big day I decided to do this. I have a hard time keeping secrets and I told everyone in her’s and my family/friends what I was going to do just so I wouldn’t spoil the surprise for her. When I had decided to do this I went to my dad and made sure it was okay with him if I gave my (now) fiance my mom’s 25th anniversary ring as the engagement ring. He was fine with it and I could see a sense of pride showing on his face. The next evening after work I got the ring resized and told her I was late because I was doing something for her Xmas gift… So the next two weeks were difficult and as I said I told everyone about this. She was (still and always will be) madly in love with me and ditto here… I heard later that my Dad had begun to send announcements to relatives overseas…. before she said yes. So a week before Xmas comes around and I end up telling her that I’m committed to asking her to marry me but I "won’t" do it on Xmas, Valentine’s, Birthdays, Easter, or Halloween (my first choice:) because it too "cliche". I couldn’t believe this but she actually believed me… Now my proposal… I got a whole bunch of Elvis CDs and got my brother to burn the chosen music on a R-CD. The label appeared as the following… Wear my ring around your neck I want you, I need you, I love you Love me tender Let me be your teddy bear You’re so square, baby I don’t care Only one Girl Unchained melody My wish came true Any way you want me Ready teddy Rip it up You belong to my heart Money Honey Earth Angel The cover had a b&w pic of the King himself with the title: Have an Elvis Christmas Love Scott Not all the songs made it on the CD I wanted to start a tradition of Christmasses (sp?) with a video camera rolling so we could have something to watch when we’re old:) So I started the tape and we exchanged gifts. The CD was in her stocking and I was going to slip the ring back in the stocking as she emptied it. NOTE: The elvis CD is significant because I saranated her on the dance floor of a Karaoke bar on my birthday after a long night. So seeing the title on the cover lit her face up. She opened the cover and saw the label and started to cry and I (thinking she read the whole cover the way it was meant to be read) pulled out the ring – then she freaked (in a good way) I started talking with tears in my eyes. She just thought I was giving her my mom’s ring and that was it. When the waterworks started I crawled over to the vidcam and paused it and asked her in private. She said yes (of course) and I turned the cam back on. It wasn’t until after I turned it on did I realize she didn’t catch what the label actually said (understandable because the colour of the paper was golden brown and the first letters of each song were in Red – difficult to read I guess). When I explained it to her she gave me a great big hug and started crying again. This was our best moment. I will admit I like telling this story because its funny and fills me with happiness any time I tell it. I’ve thought of many ways to propose. D  and I watch soaps when I get home from work (DOOL and GH) so I’m pretty familiar with all those sappy proposals. Didn’t seem to work for me. Wanted something special. Main reason for posting this is … 1) How did he propose? 2) Was I grand standing with the camera being there?

Response:

my fiancee and i had talked about it for a few months, and had picked out the stone.  i had a feeling as to when it was paid off, but he didnt say anything . . . he had a friend go pick it up for him one day while we we at work.  he was going to wait until our 1 yr anniversary which was a few days later, but once he saw the ring he couldnt wait!  :)  i was in the kitchen making boboli pizza and he came in and asked if id love him forever.  i of course told him yes, so he pulled out the ring and asked if id wear it forever.  i was shocked and asked if he was kidding!  hahahahhaa  in my shock i thought maybe he just wanted me to try it on then give it back or something!  :p  i quickly got over that, kissed him, and called my parents.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I proposed to my (then) girlfriend on X-mas morning. About three weeks before the big day I decided to do this. I have a hard time keeping secrets and I told everyone in her’s and my family/friends what I was going to do just so I wouldn’t spoil the surprise for her. When I had decided to do this I went to my dad and made sure it was okay with him if I gave my (now) fiance my mom’s 25th anniversary ring as the engagement ring. He was fine with it and I could see a sense of pride showing on his face. The next evening after work I got the ring resized and told her I was late because I was doing something for her Xmas gift… So the next two weeks were difficult and as I said I told everyone about this. She was (still and always will be) madly in love with me and ditto here… I heard later that my Dad had begun to send announcements to relatives overseas…. before she said yes. So a week before Xmas comes around and I end up telling her that I’m committed to asking her to marry me but I "won’t" do it on Xmas, Valentine’s, Birthdays, Easter, or Halloween (my first choice:) because it too "cliche". I couldn’t believe this but she actually believed me… Now my proposal… I got a whole bunch of Elvis CDs and got my brother to burn the chosen music on a R-CD. The label appeared as the following… Wear my ring around your neck I want you, I need you, I love you Love me tender Let me be your teddy bear You’re so square, baby I don’t care Only one Girl Unchained melody My wish came true Any way you want me Ready teddy Rip it up You belong to my heart Money Honey Earth Angel The cover had a b&w pic of the King himself with the title: Have an Elvis Christmas Love Scott Not all the songs made it on the CD I wanted to start a tradition of Christmasses (sp?) with a video camera rolling so we could have something to watch when we’re old:) So I started the tape and we exchanged gifts. The CD was in her stocking and I was going to slip the ring back in the stocking as she emptied it. NOTE: The elvis CD is significant because I saranated her on the dance floor of a Karaoke bar on my birthday after a long night. So seeing the title on the cover lit her face up. She opened the cover and saw the label and started to cry and I (thinking she read the whole cover the way it was meant to be read) pulled out the ring – then she freaked (in a good way) I started talking with tears in my eyes. She just thought I was giving her my mom’s ring and that was it. When the waterworks started I crawled over to the vidcam and paused it and asked her in private. She said yes (of course) and I turned the cam back on. It wasn’t until after I turned it on did I realize she didn’t catch what the label actually said (understandable because the colour of the paper was golden brown and the first letters of each song were in Red – difficult to read I guess). When I explained it to her she gave me a great big hug and started crying again. This was our best moment. I will admit I like telling this story because its funny and fills me with happiness any time I tell it. I’ve thought of many ways to propose. D  and I watch soaps when I get home from work (DOOL and GH) so I’m pretty familiar with all those sappy proposals. Didn’t seem to work for me. Wanted something special. Main reason for posting this is … 1) How did he propose? 2) Was I grand standing with the camera being there?

Response:

That was exactly what I meant. Although we had talked about it…even down to ‘when we are engaged we will start house shopping….’ I wanted to hear the words and he wanted to say them…..

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I knew that my husband was going to ask me to marry him before he actually did it, but I didn’t consider us engaged until he had asked and I had said yes. We also talked about marriage before the official proposal but even though he was the one that brought it up most of the time he would always finish off, "but we’re not engaged yet".  It was very important to him to formally ask, right down to asking my parents first.

Response:

I knew that my husband was going to ask me to marry him before he actually did it, but I didn’t consider us engaged until he had asked and I had said yes.

We also talked about marriage before the official proposal but even though he was the one that brought it up most of the time he would always finish off, "but we’re not engaged yet".  It was very important to him to formally ask, right down to asking my parents first.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My FH and I had been talking about getting married for months !! And I had the ring picked out and everything… we were waiting to get approved to buy it on credit… [snip] Memorial weekend we planned a camping trip up to Whitefish Pointe in Michigan. I was thinking, ‘how perfect would this be to get engaged…’ Huh?  *Get* engaged? When one of the party asks, and is answered in the affirmative, you *ARE* engaged already.  There is no requirement for an engagement ring for an engagement to be entered into, or to be "official".

I thought "stompergal" meant that, while they had *talked* about getting married, he hadn’t actually formally asked her, nor had she accepted. I knew that my husband was going to ask me to marry him before he actually did it, but I didn’t consider us engaged until he had asked and I had said yes. — Louise

Response:

I think it was very sweet.. My FH and I had been talking about getting married for months !! And I had the ring picked out and everything… we were waiting to get approved to buy it on credit… So I asked him every day…’did you hear? did you call?’ and he would just avoid it…I was starting to get really upset, that maybe he was having second thoughts… Memorial weekend we planned a camping trip up to Whitefish Pointe in Michigan. I was thinking, ‘how perfect would this be to get engaged…’

Huh?  *Get* engaged? When one of the party asks, and is answered in the affirmative, you *ARE* engaged already.  There is no requirement for an engagement ring for an engagement to be entered into, or to be "official". — aMAZon "It’s never too late to have a happy childhood."

Response:

Congratulations!  That’s a very nice story.  Good luck with your wedding, too.  We’ve been married for about 2 weeks now, and it’s wonderful! Best wishes to you for a great marriage! -Crystal Dreamer http://www.mydreamcake.com

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think it was very sweet.. My FH and I had been talking about getting married for months !! And I had the ring picked out and everything… we were waiting to get approved to buy it on credit… So I asked him every day…’did you hear? did you call?’ and he would just avoid it…I was starting to get really upset, that maybe he was having second thoughts… Memorial weekend we planned a camping trip up to Whitefish Pointe in Michigan. I was thinking, ‘how perfect would this be to get engaged…’ I know that Whitefish Pointe is his favorite place in Michigan… (it really is beautiful. Nice sandy beach on the lake…gorgeous…)anyways… I asked him Friday (the day we were leaving) if he had heard from the bank and he hadn’t..So I was soo bummed. But I went camping anyways… We woke up Saturday morning and drove to Whitefish Pointe and I could kinda tell that something was up because he kept saying ‘you are so beautiful’. ‘i love you so much’… but I knew he didn’t have the ring…. So we get on the sand and start walking…then he says ‘lets sit down’, He then proceeded to get down on one knee and pull out the ring… I cried After that we went to Taq. Falls and the sun followed us everywhere we went…It was a gorgeous day… Congrats to you 17 days til we are married I proposed to my (then) girlfriend on X-mas morning. About three weeks before the big day I decided to do this. I have a hard time keeping secrets and I told everyone in her’s and my family/friends what I was going to do just so I wouldn’t spoil the surprise for her. When I had decided to do this I went to my dad and made sure it was okay with him if I gave my (now) fiance my mom’s 25th anniversary ring as the engagement ring. He was fine with it and I could see a sense of pride showing on his face. The next evening after work I got the ring resized and told her I was late because I was doing something for her Xmas gift… So the next two weeks were difficult and as I said I told everyone about this. She was (still and always will be) madly in love with me and ditto here… I heard later that my Dad had begun to send announcements to relatives overseas…. before she said yes. So a week before Xmas comes around and I end up telling her that I’m committed to asking her to marry me but I "won’t" do it on Xmas, Valentine’s, Birthdays, Easter, or Halloween (my first choice:) because it too "cliche". I couldn’t believe this but she actually believed me… Now my proposal… I got a whole bunch of Elvis CDs and got my brother to burn the chosen music on a R-CD. The label appeared as the following… Wear my ring around your neck I want you, I need you, I love you Love me tender Let me be your teddy bear You’re so square, baby I don’t care Only one Girl Unchained melody My wish came true Any way you want me Ready teddy Rip it up You belong to my heart Money Honey Earth Angel The cover had a b&w pic of the King himself with the title: Have an Elvis Christmas Love Scott Not all the songs made it on the CD I wanted to start a tradition of Christmasses (sp?) with a video camera rolling so we could have something to watch when we’re old:) So I started the tape and we exchanged gifts. The CD was in her stocking and I was going to slip the ring back in the stocking as she emptied it. NOTE: The elvis CD is significant because I saranated her on the dance floor of a Karaoke bar on my birthday after a long night. So seeing the title on the cover lit her face up. She opened the cover and saw the label and started to cry and I (thinking she read the whole cover the way it was meant to be read) pulled out the ring – then she freaked (in a good way) I started talking with tears in my eyes. She just thought I was giving her my mom’s ring and that was it. When the waterworks started I crawled over to the vidcam and paused it and asked her in private. She said yes (of course) and I turned the cam back on. It wasn’t until after I turned it on did I realize she didn’t catch what the label actually said (understandable because the colour of the paper was golden brown and the first letters of each song were in Red – difficult to read I guess). When I explained it to her she gave me a great big hug and started crying again. This was our best moment. I will admit I like telling this story because its funny and fills me with happiness any time I tell it. I’ve thought of many ways to propose. D and I watch soaps when I get home from work (DOOL and GH) so I’m pretty familiar with all those sappy proposals. Didn’t seem to work for me. Wanted something special. Main reason for posting this is … 1) How did he propose? 2) Was I grand standing with the camera being there?

Response:

hmm my hubby proposed in his own special way lol ok now to understand this a little better, you have to get a picture of my hubby, he’s an avid hunter, i mean seriously during deer hunting season it feels like i am a single woman lol, he’s always in the woods and even takes off work for the whole season. now Valentines day arrived, and we just had a huge fight, because he had almost avoided me for the previous two days (note we were living together then too) and in silence we were eating a deer steak.  he put the plate in front of me and when I cut it,… a ring fell on my plate.. the goof had placed the ring in a deer steak, I still didnt grasp the meaning, till i grabbed my napkin to wipe the ring off, and he had hidden a card under the napkin with the words, "I love you deerly (lol not a typo) will you marry me" lol he has never been one to actually SAY those intimate or romantic things and always got his message accross on a card. Weve been married for two years now Ps he avoided me to get the ring card steak etc all ready without tipping me off..

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I proposed to my (then) girlfriend on X-mas morning. About three weeks before the big day I decided to do this. I have a hard time keeping secrets and I told everyone in her’s and my family/friends what I was going to do just so I wouldn’t spoil the surprise for her. When I had decided to do this I went to my dad and made sure it was okay with him if I gave my (now) fiance my mom’s 25th anniversary ring as the engagement ring. He was fine with it and I could see a sense of pride showing on his face. The next evening after work I got the ring resized and told her I was late because I was doing something for her Xmas gift… So the next two weeks were difficult and as I said I told everyone about this. She was (still and always will be) madly in love with me and ditto here… I heard later that my Dad had begun to send announcements to relatives overseas…. before she said yes. So a week before Xmas comes around and I end up telling her that I’m committed to asking her to marry me but I "won’t" do it on Xmas, Valentine’s, Birthdays, Easter, or Halloween (my first choice:) because it too "cliche". I couldn’t believe this but she actually believed me… Now my proposal… I got a whole bunch of Elvis CDs and got my brother to burn the chosen music on a R-CD. The label appeared as the following… Wear my ring around your neck I want you, I need you, I love you Love me tender Let me be your teddy bear You’re so square, baby I don’t care Only one Girl Unchained melody My wish came true Any way you want me Ready teddy Rip it up You belong to my heart Money Honey Earth Angel The cover had a b&w pic of the King himself with the title: Have an Elvis Christmas Love Scott Not all the songs made it on the CD I wanted to start a tradition of Christmasses (sp?) with a video camera rolling so we could have something to watch when we’re old:) So I started the tape and we exchanged gifts. The CD was in her stocking and I was going to slip the ring back in the stocking as she emptied it. NOTE: The elvis CD is significant because I saranated her on the dance floor of a Karaoke bar on my birthday after a long night. So seeing the title on the cover lit her face up. She opened the cover and saw the label and started to cry and I (thinking she read the whole cover the way it was meant to be read) pulled out the ring – then she freaked (in a good way) I started talking with tears in my eyes. She just thought I was giving her my mom’s ring and that was it. When the waterworks started I crawled over to the vidcam and paused it and asked her in private. She said yes (of course) and I turned the cam back on. It wasn’t until after I turned it on did I realize she didn’t catch what the label actually said (understandable because the colour of the paper was golden brown and the first letters of each song were in Red – difficult to read I guess). When I explained it to her she gave me a great big hug and started crying again. This was our best moment. I will admit I like telling this story because its funny and fills me with happiness any time I tell it. I’ve thought of many ways to propose. D  and I watch soaps when I get home from work (DOOL and GH) so I’m pretty familiar with all those sappy proposals. Didn’t seem to work for me. Wanted something special. Main reason for posting this is … 1) How did he propose? 2) Was I grand standing with the camera being there?

Response:

Question:

But don’t you know… Its the screwing you get, for the screwing you’ve gotten. — ===Rog’===

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This gets to me:  The engagement ring that I bought for my wife, she still wears.  Everything it stands for no longer exists, but she just moves it to another finger.  I told her that that was cheap, and she said she was insulted. How did she think that I felt?

Response:

This gets to me:  The engagement ring that I bought for my wife, she still wears.  Everything it stands for no longer exists, but she just moves it to another finger.  I told her that that was cheap, and she said she was insulted. How did she think that I felt?

some ppl just love trinkets and baubles, with no meaning attached. even expensive trinkets and baubles made of gold and diamonds. apparently the ring had no emotional meaning to her.

Response:

    Yeah, I found the wife gave her’s to my son ( remember him? ) and he gave them to a girl he isn’t going to marry. May they all rot in Hell.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This gets to me:  The engagement ring that I bought for my wife, she still wears.  Everything it stands for no longer exists, but she just moves it to another finger.  I told her that that was cheap, and she said she was insulted. How did she think that I felt? some ppl just love trinkets and baubles, with no meaning attached. even expensive trinkets and baubles made of gold and diamonds. apparently the ring had no emotional meaning to her.

Response:

I once knew a guy who kept a wedding ring on his keychain for emergencies.  Want to know what emergencies?  If he was trolling and not getting any bites, he’d slip the wedding ring on…and bingo.  He believed in this 100 percent, and I think he may have something there. Why is that? (Use your imagination for a definition of "trolling.")

Being married your _safe_. At the end of the evening your going home, some women like that. Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends Were so glad you could attend come inside come inside Emerson Lake and Palmer To Reply by e-mail remove the number 1 from

Response:

This is culture-dependent: I believe that German women usually wear their wedding bands on the right hand. — Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. ~ Carl Bard ~ She could wear it on her right hand, that

signifies the death of a spouse.

Response:

She could wear it on her right hand, that signifies the death of a spouse.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I once knew a guy who kept a wedding ring on his keychain for emergencies.  Want to know what emergencies?  If he was trolling and not getting any bites, he’d slip the wedding ring on…and bingo.  He believed in this 100 percent, and I think he may have something there. Why is that? Perhaps I should try that and let you know

Response:

I once knew a guy who kept a wedding ring on his keychain for emergencies.  Want to know what emergencies?  If he was trolling and not getting any bites, he’d slip the wedding ring on…and bingo.  He believed in this 100 percent, and I think he may have something there. Why is that?

Perhaps I should try that and let you know

Response:

Pass. I’ve still got the wedding dress, size 12 or 14, that she had boxed up all purty 18 years ago, and then left behind last year. I expect to give it to Goodwill, or a high school drama department, or something, but I’ve been busy with other things. Wedding dress, anyone? — Jack in NJ

As someone who was in their high school drama department, I vote for you giving it to the school, they will most likely have a reason to use it. Actually I say that for anyone who has good quality clothes that they don’t need or use anymore (especially if it is from another time period) donating it to the high school drama department is a good a good thing.  Same goes for paint and furniture, although call before bring it over to make sure they have storage space or need for it.

Response:

This gets to me:  The engagement ring that I bought for my wife, she still wears.  Everything it stands for no longer exists, but she just moves it to another finger.  I told her that that was cheap, and she said she was insulted. How did she think that I felt?

I’m not sure why a woman who wanted out would keep the ring and wear ‘as is’.  I have heard of some women altering the ring’s setting or making a necklace or pendant, especially if the stones are of good quality. For me, we were so bloody poor when we got married, I never got an engagement ring.  But several years ago I spent 3 months caring for him as he had a severe injury, all the while I was deathly ill.  I needed to be hospitalized myself, but didn’t go so I could bathe and dress him. That Christmas he gave me an ‘anniversary ring’, as he knew that’s the kind I had always wanted.  Simple, understated, but elegant. I wear that ring on my right hand still.  This past month I almost stopped wearing it, but I didn’t. Shallow?  possibly But the ring still has meaning to me.  Just not so sure that meaning is all that important anymore.  And then what do I do with 11 small diamonds? Cal~

Response:

snipped myself lol…… (What do you want….it’s 5 in the morning and I’ll still here from yesterday…….) That Christmas he gave me an ‘anniversary ring’, as he knew that’s the kind I had always wanted.  Simple, understated, but elegant.

(it was a ‘Thank you for taking care of me gift’ he said)  And then what do I do with 11 small diamonds?

hmmmmm..  maybe they could pay for a solution to my communications problems? Anniversary Ring, anyone??? Cal~

Response:

This gets to me:  The engagement ring that I bought for my wife, she still wears.  Everything it stands for no longer exists, but she just moves it to another finger.  I told her that that was cheap, and she said she was insulted. How did she think that I felt?

 My wife still wears her wedding ring on her left hand supposedly to ward off unwanted attention. Doesn’t seem to bother her that the ring is a symbol of a relationship that is no more. Christ!… Who was I married to all this time??? Roy

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This gets to me:  The engagement ring that I bought for my wife, she still wears.  Everything it stands for no longer exists, but she just moves it  to another finger.  I told her that that was cheap, and she said she was  insulted. How did she think that I felt? I’m not sure why a woman who wanted out would keep the ring and wear ‘as is’.  I have heard of some women altering the ring’s setting or making a necklace or pendant, especially if the stones are of good quality. For me, we were so bloody poor when we got married, I never got an engagement ring.  But several years ago I spent 3 months caring for him as he had a severe injury, all the while I was deathly ill.  I needed to be hospitalized myself, but didn’t go so I could bathe and dress him. That Christmas he gave me an ‘anniversary ring’, as he knew that’s the kind I had always wanted.  Simple, understated, but elegant. I wear that ring on my right hand still.  This past month I almost stopped wearing it, but I didn’t.

Hey, I think that’s neat Cal.  I think that’s really neat.  The years can drop away eventually, but the moments remain…bad and good. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Shallow?  possibly But the ring still has meaning to me.  Just not so sure that meaning is all that important anymore.  And then what do I do with 11 small diamonds? Cal~

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – snipped myself lol…… (What do you want….it’s 5 in the morning and I’ll still here from yesterday…….) That Christmas he gave me an ‘anniversary ring’, as he knew that’s the kind I had always wanted.  Simple, understated, but elegant. (it was a ‘Thank you for taking care of me gift’ he said)  And then what do I do with 11 small diamonds? hmmmmm..  maybe they could pay for a solution to my communications

problems? That sounds like an appropriate "You’re welcome."  (As long as the stones aren’t CZ.) Anniversary Ring, anyone???

Pass. I’ve still got the wedding dress, size 12 or 14, that she had boxed up all purty 18 years ago, and then left behind last year. I expect to give it to Goodwill, or a high school drama department, or something, but I’ve been busy with other things. Wedding dress, anyone? — Jack in NJ

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john i like the way you think…. hell is getting fuller by the minute….

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really , who are they and where the hell is the person i respected and loved .

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My wife still wears her wedding ring on her left hand supposedly to ward off unwanted attention. Doesn’t seem to bother her that the ring is a symbol of a relationship that is no more. Christ!… Who was I married to all this time??? A woman who is duplicitous and proves it by wearing a wedding ring even though she is single.

We COULD point out a flipside, a man (or could be a woman) who takes OFF his/her wedding ring at the sight of an attractive person of the opposite sex… Oh, but then there are those  who are actually attracted to married people.. go figure…

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife still wears her wedding ring on her left hand supposedly to ward off unwanted attention. Doesn’t seem to bother her that the ring is a symbol of a relationship that is no more. Christ!… Who was I married to all this time??? A woman who is duplicitous and proves it by wearing a wedding ring even though she is single. We COULD point out a flipside, a man (or could be a woman) who takes OFF his/her wedding ring at the sight of an attractive person of the opposite sex… Oh, but then there are those  who are actually attracted to married people.. go figure…

I can verify that- now that I’m single with no ring!!

Response:

This gets to me:  The engagement ring that I bought for my wife, she still wears.  Everything it stands for no longer exists, but she just moves it to another finger.  I told her that that was cheap, and she said she was insulted. How did she think that I felt?  My wife still wears her wedding ring on her left hand supposedly to ward off unwanted attention.

I once knew a guy who kept a wedding ring on his keychain for emergencies.  Want to know what emergencies?  If he was trolling and not getting any bites, he’d slip the wedding ring on…and bingo.  He believed in this 100 percent, and I think he may have something there.  Why is that? (Use your imagination for a definition of "trolling.") – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Doesn’t seem to bother her that the ring is a symbol of a relationship that is no more. Christ!… Who was I married to all this time??? Roy

Response:

This gets to me:  The engagement ring that I bought for my wife, she still wears.  Everything it stands for no longer exists, but she just moves it to another finger.  I told her that that was cheap, and she said she was insulted. How did she think that I felt?

Response:

Question:

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you    are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic    friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated    device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite    supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently    eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.

D: Throw it away. What good would it be when only 9 people on the planet will believe it can work? 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss    the most?

D: Schoolhouse Rock. 3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

D: When you’ve lost the bet, and don’t want to be seen as a welsher. 4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

D: Self-feeding, Self-cleaning, and Self-amusing. 5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She’s attractive and    intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday    afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You’re watching a football    game; she’s reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue    sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no    longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is    going. She says she’s not asking whether you want to get married; only    whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do    you say?

D: "The future isn’t here yet, so I can’t prove it’s existance, and if it doesn’t exist, I don’t believe in it." 6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to    spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows    the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

D: With a really nice present on our 10th wedding anniversary? 7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get    your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

D: How much am I shelling out for Obediance School this time? (only have pets) 8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

D: As soon as their government benefits run out? 9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact    that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before    they finally got to the Promised Land?

D: They were stupid enough to keep re-electing him to the position. 10. What is the human race’s single greatest achievement?

D: Ocean Spray Cranberry/Key Lime?  Free love?  All-u-can-eat restaurants? "KISS- Alive!"? Oh, I got it: My wife. P/H/L BPBoy

Response:

Know it well.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – … 6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to    spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows    the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her? D: With a really nice present on our 10th wedding anniversary? I tried that route … Our 10th anniversary was ruined because I saw our 4-yr old girl rushed to the emergency room with a severe asthma attack. My wife did not care for her anniversary ring anyway… I have not cared for most things since then anyway.  But I’m just gripey, cynical critical logical (Hey BperBoy  You know that song, right?) BPBoy — bw Before you buy.

Response:

… 6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to    spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows    the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her? D: With a really nice present on our 10th wedding anniversary?

I tried that route … Our 10th anniversary was ruined because I saw our 4-yr old girl rushed to the emergency room with a severe asthma attack. My wife did not care for her anniversary ring anyway… I have not cared for most things since then anyway.  But I’m just gripey, cynical critical logical (Hey BperBoy  You know that song, right?) BPBoy

– bw Before you buy.

Response:

The Real Man Test Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing this,       women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their       own lives if they carefully review the "C" answers. 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you    are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic    friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated    device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite    supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently    eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.    You decide to:    A. Present it to the President of the United States.    B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.    C. Take it apart. 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss    the most?    A. Innocence.    B. Idealism.    C. Cherry bombs. 3. When is it okay to kiss another male?    A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without       regard for narrow-minded social conventions.    B. When he is the Pope  (Not on the lips.)    C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is       the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for       business reasons, you have to have him killed. 4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:    A. A cat.    B. A dog.    C. A dog that eats cats. 5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She’s attractive and    intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday    afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You’re watching a football    game; she’s reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue    sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no    longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is    going. She says she’s not asking whether you want to get married; only    whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do    you say?    A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you       don’t want to rush it.    B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not       honestly say that you’ll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting       commitment, and you don’t want to hurt her by holding out false       hope.    C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and       seventeen! 6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to    spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows    the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?    A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after a romantic,       candlelight dinner.    B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name,       and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her       hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.    C. Tell her what? 7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get    your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:    A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"    B. "They’re in school already?"    C. "There are three of them?" 8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?    A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes       so large that you’re not sure which ones were originally intended       for your legs.    B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and       has to be handled with tweezers.    C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear! A real guy checks       the garbage regularly in case somebody and we are not naming names,       but this would be his wife quietly trying to discard his underwear       (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a       more intimate relationship with than with her). 9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact    that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before    they finally got to the Promised Land?    A. They were being punished.    B. Moses wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they       finally got there.    C. He refused to ask for directions. 10. What is the human race’s single greatest achievement?    A. Democracy.    B. Religion.    C. A remote control.

Response:

Question:

do you guys have any idea how much this costs?

More than you are willing to pay. Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

Kim – you are basically looking to have your diamonds reset in a new platinum setting. The type of setting in platimun, on a decent sale, plus the work of setting the stones, would probably run you, if you are lucky, under $500, but more would not surprise me depending on the thickness of the band.  In general, platinum costs about 3X the price of 24K gold. I would be absolutely shocked if you could do this for the pricerange you are talking about unless you know someone in the industry who can get the setting for you wholesale and then won’t charge for the labor. erica

: i posted before about my white gold ring getting a little yellow over the : past few months…. I would like to get the white gold band replaced with : platinum before we buy our wedding bands.. do you guys have any idea how : much this costs? : My ring is actually a 3stone anniversary ring if that matters.. the band is : a little bit thicker than the average engagement ring band  (i think). : i figure if it costs 2-300 dollars then its worth it, but any more than : that and i think i might just stick with white gold.. : my jeweler told me that i could have it rhodium-plated but i have heard : that doesnt last long.. i think that what i really want is platinum so that : i dont ever have the yellow tint.. : is there anything I should know about platinum before I get it? I have : heard that it is supposed to be a very strong metal, but that it scratches : easily.  Are there different grade of the metal? :   : comments? : Thanks : Kim — "life’s trials" is the fluffy bunnies of the really bad shit.                         -EJ Bial                         on why to keep "failures" in her wedding vows

Response:

http://www.artifact.co.nz

Thanks for the tip on the titanium..  I guess I would never have to worry about it yellowing and that is my main concern.  the prices on the website were wonderful!   Do you know if regular jewelery stores carry titanium bands? I would like to look at one in person before ordering.

Response:

You know, I’ve never really looked in regular jewelry stores… I was so blown away by their prices I decided to look no further  And you’re right, it won’t yellow because it’s a higher grade metal than both white gold and platinum. The lady that I deal with (I believe her name is Ita) is really great, and their return policy is very reasonable… if you get the band and it isn’t to your liking I believe they will take it back within a specified amount of time.  Good luck! http://www.artifact.co.nz Thanks for the tip on the titanium..  I guess I would never have to worry about it yellowing and that is my main concern.  the prices on the website were wonderful!   Do you know if regular jewelery stores carry titanium bands? I would like to look at one in person before ordering.

Before you buy.

Response:

Hi Kim… another option that you may want to consider is Titanium. It’s not as expensive as Platinum (because it isn’t classified as a "precious metal") and it’s stronger, therefore lasts longer if you can beleive that, and it’s lighter in weight.  The company I used is Artifact.  Their web site is: http://www.artifact.co.nz They are based out of New Zealand, so the prices that you initially see are not what you would pay… the American dollar is approx. $0.47 for every New Zealand $1.00.  Just a thought. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i posted before about my white gold ring getting a little yellow over the past few months…. I would like to get the white gold band replaced with platinum before we buy our wedding bands.. do you guys have any idea how much this costs? My ring is actually a 3stone anniversary ring if that matters.. the band is a little bit thicker than the average engagement ring band  (i think). i figure if it costs 2-300 dollars then its worth it, but any more than that and i think i might just stick with white gold.. my jeweler told me that i could have it rhodium-plated but i have heard that doesnt last long.. i think that what i really want is platinum so that i dont ever have the yellow tint.. is there anything I should know about platinum before I get it? I have heard that it is supposed to be a very strong metal, but that it scratches easily.  Are there different grade of the metal? comments? Thanks Kim

Before you buy.

Response:

i posted before about my white gold ring getting a little yellow over the past few months…. I would like to get the white gold band replaced with platinum before we buy our wedding bands.. do you guys have any idea how much this costs? My ring is actually a 3stone anniversary ring if that matters.. the band is a little bit thicker than the average engagement ring band  (i think). i figure if it costs 2-300 dollars then its worth it, but any more than that and i think i might just stick with white gold.. my jeweler told me that i could have it rhodium-plated but i have heard that doesnt last long.. i think that what i really want is platinum so that i dont ever have the yellow tint.. is there anything I should know about platinum before I get it? I have heard that it is supposed to be a very strong metal, but that it scratches easily.  Are there different grade of the metal? comments? Thanks Kim

Response:

Question:

First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st: 5th: 10th: 20th: 25th: 50th.  Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it?

Every year DH buys me a special gift… something that I really want… then he makes a lovely roast… and spends the day just fussing over me… and I get breakfast in bed… We will be at number 7 next year… — )))) Nathalie — Who is celebrating her 7th wedding anniversary on the 8th of January 2001 — http://nathaliesdesigns.homestead.com/index.html Home of Criss Cross Connexion – check on the website for more about it…

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We’re about to celebrate seven years. I’m very itchy, but the doctor

Gee, Trish, I’ve heard of the Seven-year Itch, but never saw anyone admit to having it in public; guess all those gorgeous Lithuanian hunks brought it on! Nina <g,d&r — Professional proofreading doesn’t cost; it pays!

Response:

25th is this October and we just made plans to honeymoon in Sedona, Arizona amidst all the beautiful red rocks.  Then on the night of our actual anniversary, we are staying in the honeymoon suite of one of the Las Vegas hotels on the strip! Can’t wait! Mary H. —-If you treat an individual … as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.  Goethe

Response:

Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class? First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st: 5th: 10th: 20th: 25th: 50th. Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it? thanx.  barbara

Hehehe… 1st….went out for dinner 5th….DH made dinner 10th…DH made dinner 20th….DH made dinner take care,  Linda  :) (married for 22 yrs. and real happy she married a good cook!) Vancouver Island, bc.ca   (Current WIP’s are: ‘The Auction’ by MLI, ‘Hummingbirds’ by Eva Rosenstand, ‘Smoky Mountain Cats’ by Pegasus Originals, and Mirabilia’s ‘Fairy Moon’ (sigh..this one has been a WIP for too long!) Just finished:  Pat Roger’s ‘Hearts & Hardanger Sampler’ from the Oct. ‘98 issue of JCS on 09/12/00

Response:

Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class? First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st:

We gave up smoking, cold turkey, on Wednesday and our anniversary was on the Friday. I made pork spare ribs in Apricot sauce. We ate in stony silence, only pausing to ask irritably for the salt or pepper. We went silently to bed and shared a very brief kiss! We haven’t smoked since then, though, so it was worth it! 5th:

DH cooked beef steak in black bean sauce. He burnt it. Didn’t matter. We enjoyed a good video with the kids and went to bed very early. *Very* early indeed! We’re about to celebrate seven years. I’m very itchy, but the doctor says its pressure urticaria. We’ll probably have fish’n'chips. Or something nice on toast. Vegemite, perhaps… — Trish {|:OI} Newcastle, NSW, Australia

Response:

Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class? First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st:

Received an absolutely georgeous and huge arrangement of flowers. Was treated and pampered like a princess all day. Was taken to dinner at the restaurant of my choice, then to dessert at the Fondu Pot (chocolate fondue, OH. MY. GAWSH.).   He planned that day. Spent the next day doing the "serving wench" routine to make him feel like King for the day.  Let him watch sports on ALL the tv’s, wouldn’t allow him to get anything for himself and cooked his favorite dish for dinner. I planned this one. 5th:

Went to Fondue Pot for dinner, then I got into my car and left on a business trip (bummer, big time) that I couldn’t get out of.  Both planned. 10th:

Not there yet, but we WILL be going to Europe.  I will probably do the arranging. 20th: 25th: 50th. Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it? thanx.  barbara

Deb (take out all before milner to reply)

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First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st:  I believe one of the grandparents watched our 5 year old and we

went out to eat.  I know we had the top layer of our cake which wasn’t too bad.  I think we both sort of planned it. 5th:  He cooked a special meal for us I think or we went to a steak

house.  We had three kids by now.  Gee my memory is bad!! 7th:  I was 8 months pregnant with the 4th child.  But we had his mother and dad keep the kids and we went to Arlington, TX and stayed in a suite for two nights .  Went shopping, even found a cross stitch store, ate out and one night we cooked supper in the room like we use to right after we got married.  We loved  it!!!  We both planned this one. 10th:  We just celebrated our 10th this year.  He bought me an

outfit, took me out to eat and then we went dancing.  He planned it all but the sitter and I took care of that. We just renewed our vows this past Labor day and married our wife.  It was wonderful. I even got a real honeymoon this time!!! But to sum up the last 10 years anniv.  We celebrated them all either by going out to dinner or him cooking something really special.  Once or twice we actually made it to a motel for the night.  The first 7 years we were busy having our 4 kids (well actually 3 since we started with one from the beginning).  We haven’t missed a one.  We have had to scrimp and save many times but always made sure that day was special one way or other. Sorry for the book.  I got carried away, brought back really good memories. Babs 20th: 25th: 50th.

Before you buy.

Response:

Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class? First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st: 5th: 10th: 20th: 25th: 50th. Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it? thanx.  barbara

I’d like to answer but Patti keeps the memories in our house.  They keep falling out of my ears when I sleep at night.  We try to eat lunch or dinner at the Arsenal on the Green restaurant where we got married on or about our anniversary every year.  Unfortunately I have been saving for 3 years for a cruise on our tenth, but unexpected expenses have robbed me of that money and now we can’t go.  I just remembered, I took Patti to a B&B at the beach for our anniversaries, just about all of them except this year when our string of unexpected expenses started. Rg ( and me without my boat after 10 years, I guess I’ll never get it) — ICQ# 11508285    AIM=  joxxter

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class? First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st: 5th: 10th: 20th: 25th: 50th. Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it? thanx.  barbara

Well, on the first anniversary we were on vacation in our home town–I went to a movie with my family and he visited with his parents.  We had forgotten it was our anniversary!  Bad start, huh?  From then on I can’t remember what we did on any particular anniversary.  The last few years we have talked about going to dinner but didn’t feel like it that day.  Still, we have now been married for 44 years, so I guess it has worked for us.  Good luck with your class. Ione

Response:

We didn’t get to go out for our first because an uncle of DH died that week, so we went to his calling hours at the funeral home.  The other years we just went out for dinner – no reservations or anything special.  DH would never plan anything in advance.  Our 20th is in a few months and if I want something wonderful, I will have to plan it.   He doesn’t even think to get flowers.  (He thinks sex takes the place of romance.)

Response:

easy! 1st – nothing 5th – nothing 10th – nothing all inbetween – nothing sad or what )) still we’ve managed 10 years so far so it can’t be too bad! Alison

Response:

Karen – You are truly a dear daughter!!  I could picture your Mom sitting in the car crying – that anniversary surprise will be one of her favourite memories for all time.  I’m really blessed to have a DD like you too. Donna S

Response:

1st Reconciling. We had a big blowup two weeks before. I had packed (and took down the Christmas Tree) and was moving back into the barracks. Don’t know who arranged what?? 5th: DH was stationed in Bethesda MD. Managed to come home to me and 2 small sons (ages 2 yrs and 2 months) for christmas. As our anniversary is the 28th of Dec. that was special enough. We were to be separated (US Navy’s choice) a full yr. 10th: Three children now. Arranged for a sitter and went out to dinner. His arrangement that year. Actually occurred on New Year’s Eve. 20th Left the Kids at home and went out to dinner. His choice, we seldom dine out. Again it was on New Year’s Eve. 25th????? occurring this December. Had hoped for an anniversary ring, got a Mini van key ring instead (LOL). Two in college and one stationed in Japan. will probably go out to dinner. Bobbie V. By the way for my parents 35th anniversary we arranged a surprise breakfast brunch New Year’s Eve Morning. Was a good excuse for all nine of us to be home over the holiday (plus spouses and grand kids). Two days before though, My brother Ted missed his military flight from Greece to Germany. As a result He actually missed the party, BUT he missed being on Lockerbie 103 by 2 hours.

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On the surface, he’s not a particularly attractive man, and doesn’t seem sentimental in the least.  It was always a mystery to some of us why this gorgeous woman would pair off with him.  With that romantic streak, I doubt she ever noticed his looks.

Karen — my husband’s like that.  I can say objectively that he’s about a 4 looks-wise (bald, with a huge gut), and he can be extremely awkward in social situations, which have me wincing at times.  But he’s a wonderful man, loves me to pieces, and spoils me dreadfully.  I think I got the better part of the deal.  :) We’ve been married for just over four years so I haven’t had had many anniversaries.  We’ve spent all of them in restaurants.  I imagine we’ll do something more spectacular when we start hitting the higher milestones. Angie

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We’re about to celebrate seven years. I’m very itchy, but the doctor

— )))) Nathalie — Who is celebrating her 7th wedding anniversary on the 8th of January 2001 — http://nathaliesdesigns.homestead.com/index.html Home of Criss Cross Connexion – check on the website for more about it…

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Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class? First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st: 5th: 10th: 20th: 25th: 50th.  Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it? thanx.  barbara

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Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class?

This is easy: 1st: romantic dinner out. not a lot of organization involved, we both did it. 5th: we forgot about it 10th: we forgot about it 15th: we forgot about it. are you seeing the trend yet ?  I must be taking after my MIL. When my husband turned 50, I turned to him and asked if we had missed an important anniversary for his parents. He said that his parents had never celebrated wedding anniversaries. My personal opinion (not sure if DMIL will ever own up to this one) is that they never got married . They were living in Palestine in turbulent times (arrived in the early 1930’s). They were busy draining the swamps and planting the trees. I’ve heard more than one story of the formalities of the wedding being skipped or "fudged" because it just wasn’t seen as relevant. — Beth WIP: Millennium Cutwork Sampler (Sharon Cohen); Tallit

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hmmmmmmmmmmmmm first anniversary…took a long weekend and went down to ocean city, maryland, to spend time alone together in his dad’s trailer near the shore. weather was beautiful (for April) and we had a great time.  since not much was open because it wan’t the "season", there weren’t many people around and we had a good time. 5 year (this past april)  went into upstate PA where we had our honeymoon. spent tons of money.  had a FABULOUS time. DH and I never organize anything.  it’s usually "so, where are we going this weekend?" LisaC-MD

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class? First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st: 5th: 10th: 20th: 25th: 50th.  Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it? thanx.  barbara

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Let’s see–first anniversary DH’s parents watched the kids. DH and I went out to eat-Lone Star I believe, and then we looked at furniture. We ended up buying a iron bed for ourselves and a glider rocker for my Grandmother who was moving into a senior citizens apartment that weekend.  We both planned-Dh picked where to eat (very picky eater) and then I got to pick what to do after. Fifth (this year!!) this is terrible I have to really think!  We went out to eat-Texas Roadhouse (can you tell DH likes steaks ).  Boy this is sad that I cannot remember what else we did!!!  I know we had a bad spring with both of us losing close grandparents within a month of each other.  Maybe we just went out to eat and left it at that!!  I know I got DH turnsignal light covers for the truck and a weeping cherry tree for out front.  He bought me a pair of diamond earrings (beautiful). Pamela – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class? First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st: 5th: 10th: 20th: 25th: 50th.  Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it? thanx.  barbara

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I guess the one that really stands out is the 25th.  We had our kids in our early 20’s so they were adults (their early 20’s) when it was our Anniversary.  DD said we were going out for dinner and when we got to the restaurant there were all our friends and family sitting there!  We really had a lovely time, received some really beautiful gifts and a friend had a one-layer wedding cake made for us (I think it was nicer than our original)  BTW, DH and I re-did our wedding vows on our 30th Anniversary.  DH and DD arranged for a friend of ours (Minister) to come to the house; the kids were all there and they got me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.  It was quite emotional and a lovely memory.  Being DH and I only knew each other 3 months before we got engaged and 9 months before we got married, we really hardly knew each other (looking back).  Any marriage has its ups and downs, but I hope you can laugh together and enjoy each other’s company – you wouldn’t believe how many trials that gets you through. Donna S

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Well, we’ve only been married for 3 years. The first anniversary was at our favorite fancy chinese restaurant in Grand Rapids(2 1/2 hour drive from here). Second anniversary was home cooked with flowers and candlelight. Third(this year) I think we ordered pizza and took the phone off the hook. I’ll let you know what the fifth is when we get there.  Deb Wise – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class? First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st: 5th: 10th: 20th: 25th: 50th.  Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it? thanx.  barbara

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First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st: went to a nice restaurant 5th: went to a Denny’s type restaurant 10th: fighting over the fact that he had not yet transported all the boxes I’d

packed to the new house, therefore there was no reason for me to go back to the old place and pack more. And although you didn’t ask, 12th: In San Francisco with an old friend, recuperating from having spent the day before in divorce court fighting over his returning stolen property to me and preparing to spend the day after in divorce court fighting over his demand that I pay him alimony. 13th: DBF, without realizing what day it was, took me to a much better restaurant than the ex had ever been seen in, and couldn’t understand why I burst into giggles as we drove into the parking lot. Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it?

Are you kidding?  He couldn’t organize anything, including his dresser drawers! My ex-boss, however, was a gem.  For their 20th, he shooed DW out shopping, and had one of the gals from our office pack her suitcase, which was hidden in the trunk of his car.  (He thought about packing it himself, and realized there are things women consider urgently necessary that wouldn’t dawn on a man.)  They dropped the boys at his mother’s, and headed for her favorite restaurant. Mid-trek, he turned around and headed for the office.  Missed the turn-off from the office, and stayed on the freeway till he got to the airport.  At that point, she realized that he had something up his sleeve … their only daughter had just left for college halfway across the country, and DW missed her terribly.  Once his mom called me to let me know they were en route and DD could no longer let it slip, I called DD and warned her to clean up her room. If DW was half as hysterically happy as DD was, he’d done a fantastic job on this surprise. When they got back, DW had stars in her eyes, and said it was even better than her 40th b-day, when he surprised her with a no-suitcase trip to Hawaii and let her buy all the clothes she needed when they got there. On the surface, he’s not a particularly attractive man, and doesn’t seem sentimental in the least.  It was always a mystery to some of us why this gorgeous woman would pair off with him.  With that romantic streak, I doubt she ever noticed his looks. — Finished 8/25/00 – wedding sampler WIP: #1 – getting my health back California Sampler, Holiday Snowglobe, America the Beautiful (Nimble Needle), antique green doll (Vervaco), Xmas cactus Don’t risk your on-line privileges!  I report all Spam.

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Without starting a competing mess or lying (ha) , could y’all help me do my homework for my marriage enrichment class? First, how did you celebrate your anniversary for the: 1st: 5th: 10th: 20th: 25th: 50th.  Secondly, did the husband organize it or did you have to do it? thanx.  barbara Let’s see, 1st – I think we were busy unpacking after having moved

into our first house. 5th – we took a Carribean cruise (cause that’s what we had done for our honeymoon) – husband made the arrangements and on top of that he bought me a beautiful amethyst necklace (to match my engagement ring) 10th – we went to Key West for about 5 days – DH made all the arrangements then too. Actually, for any traveling DH usually makes all the arrangements – he secretly enjoys it and I despise it, so it works. For 25th (in 14 more years!) we are still tussling with an Alaskan cruise (my choice) or a trip to Europe (his choice) or Hawaii (my 2nd choice). Debbie Debbie Before you buy.

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DD said we were going out for dinner and when we got to the restaurant there were all our friends and family sitting there!

Sounds like what I did for my parents’ 40th.  I had been planning a surprise party for #50, and when we nearly lost Dad to cancer that spring, I changed my timetable.  (Dad’s doing fine, but we lost the relative whose house we had it at.) After we all reached adulthood, my parents informally adopted a brother and sister for me.  I put DSis in charge of the diversion … she, my uncle, and a long-time neighbor wanted to take the folks to lunch (to accommodate Uncle’s work schedule), and Mom was the only one with a car large enough to fit everyone, so would she pick them all up? DBro was put in charge of making sure that Uncle’s yard was tidy and getting folding tables from church. Wednesday night, I mentioned to mom that she shouldn’t call the next couple day because I won’t be home.  Symphony season was starting, and she knew the literacy festival is always around that time, so she made certain assumptions. As they drove over to pick up Uncle, Mom noticed an unusual number of cars parked on the side of the road, one looked like DBIL & DSIL, though it couldn’t possibly be theirs.  As they pulled up in front of the house, she spotted her childhood best friend, and sat in the car crying, trying to sort out who would have both DBIL’s address and her friend’s.  Her favorite cousin (who throws excellent parties) finally hauled mom from the car and up the driveway.  She’s still trying to figure out who would be able to contact all these people without asking her for addresses.  Then I popped out of the house with the simple announcement "Hi, Mom!  I’m home!"  That’s when Mom totally lost it. — Finished 8/25/00 – wedding sampler WIP: #1 – getting my health back California Sampler, Holiday Snowglobe, America the Beautiful (Nimble Needle), antique green doll (Vervaco), Xmas cactus Don’t risk your on-line privileges!  I report all Spam.

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 Yep. It’s what’s on the inside that counts. I’m lucky to have the inside wonderfulness and the outside gorgeousness in my DH. Used to be that he was as romantic as a tree stump but he’s getting a lot better.  Deb Wise – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – On the surface, he’s not a particularly attractive man, and doesn’t seem sentimental in the least.  It was always a mystery to some of us why this gorgeous woman would pair off with him.  With that romantic streak, I doubt she ever noticed his looks. — Finished 8/25/00 – wedding sampler WIP: #1 – getting my health back California Sampler, Holiday Snowglobe, America the Beautiful (Nimble Needle), antique green doll (Vervaco), Xmas cactus Don’t risk your on-line privileges!  I report all Spam.

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