Question:

I got engaged on last week  My fiance and I called our parents, grandparents, and two favorite aunts to tell them.  Two of the grandparents, and both aunts asked what they should get us.  Eek.  I managed to change the topic both times I was asked, but I felt sort of weird.  Yesterday though, my mom called and said that we need to register this week, because several relatives have already called her to ask what kind of engagement gifts we would like. I don’t know whether to register right now or not.  The wedding is 18 months away.  I don’t want to be seen as greedy, but Mom says that if we don’t register we’ll get a bunch of candlesticks and crystal bowls.  I already know which china and silverware patterns we want, but I was planning to wait several months before registering.  So should we register for just china and silverware (since those won’t be discontinued) for now, or wait until a few months before the wedding and choose everything at once?  I don’t want to seem like a bridezilla gift troll, but if relatives are going to buy us engagement gifts anyway, then they might as well be items from the registry, right? *sigh*  I don’t know what to do.

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I don’t know whether to register right now or not.  The wedding is 18 months away.  I don’t want to be seen as greedy, but Mom says that if we don’t register we’ll get a bunch of candlesticks and crystal bowls. I already know which china and silverware patterns we want, but I was planning to wait several months before registering.  So should we register for just china and silverware (since those won’t be discontinued) for now, or wait until a few months before the wedding and choose everything at once?  I don’t want to seem like a bridezilla gift troll, but if relatives are going to buy us engagement gifts anyway, then they might as well be items from the registry, right?

It can’t hurt to register just for the china and flatware at one store if you are absolutely certain about your patterns and they aren’t ones that will be discontinued. You can always update the registry closer to your wedding. Ron Ng Knows!

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I got engaged on last week  My fiance and I called our parents, grandparents, and two favorite aunts to tell them.  Two of the grandparents, and both aunts asked what they should get us.  Eek.  I managed to change the topic both times I was asked, but I felt sort of weird.  Yesterday though, my mom called and said that we need to register this week, because several relatives have already called her to ask what kind of engagement gifts we would like. I don’t know whether to register right now or not.  The wedding is 18 months away.  I don’t want to be seen as greedy, but Mom says that if we don’t register we’ll get a bunch of candlesticks and crystal bowls.  I already know which china and silverware patterns we want, but I was planning to wait several months before registering.  So should we register for just china and silverware (since those won’t be discontinued) for now, or wait until a few months before the wedding and choose everything at once?  I don’t want to seem like a bridezilla gift troll, but if relatives are going to buy us engagement gifts anyway, then they might as well be items from the registry, right? *sigh*  I don’t know what to do.

        Personally, I think it is more charming to keep insisting that you don’t expect engagement gifts (they’re not traditional anyway) and that you hate to see people go to so much trouble. Your mother knows what china and flatware patterns you’re interested in, right?  If so, anyone who’s completely desperate to buy you china or flatware can simply ask her for the information and they can get it for you anywhere they like.  If you happen to receive any as an engagement gift, you’ll have plenty of time before you register to adjust quantities.  Personally, I don’t think it looks good to register this early.  It’s likely only close family who might buy engagement gifts anyway, and they have connections to find out what you want or need if they feel moved to get something.  If word got out to more distant relatives or friends, it might very well look like you were a little too obsessed over the gifts. Best wishes, Ericka

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Yesterday though, my mom called and said that we need to register this week, because several relatives have already called her to ask what kind of engagement gifts we would like. I don’t know whether to register right now or not.  The wedding is 18 months away.  

Yes, it is too early to register. Unless you are going to choose well-known time proven patterns, you’ll be surprised at the inventory turn-over in merchandise. Also, the more you talk about setting up housekeeping, the more your ideas will change, merge, compromise and so on. It’s really best to wait until just before your first shower. Speaking of showers, an engagement party is not a shower. Gifts are not to be expected at an engagement party. While very close relatives and very close friends may choose to give you a gift, it’s done privately. Such gifts are very personal and intimate, not a set of dish towels. Guests who attend the engagement party properly don’t know they’re attending an engagement party until the engagement is announced sometime during the event. Since it’s supposed to be a surprise until it’s announced, guests would not be so inclined to bring a gift. And even if the cat is out of the bag too early, guests are still not obligated to bring gifts to an engagement party. So, save the registering until later. You’ll have more opportunity to decide what the two of you really need and want to set up housekeeping. Until then, Ericka’s advice about hedging on a gift preference is right on the mark. Hope this helps, Noe

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Question:

Please don’t tell me it’s already too late, but the wedding is Sept 21, and we’re moving at the end of June, and we want to know how close to the wedding people registered, and how close to the wedding you started getting gifts.   I guess what I want to know is, HOW LATE is TOO LATE?  Is it ever?  We’re registering at Target for most stuff, and somewhere else (don’t know where yet) for china (already have flatwear). Stephanie

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** Please don’t tell me it’s already too late, but the wedding is Sept 21, and we’re ** moving at the end of June, and we want to know how close to the wedding ** people registered, and how close to the wedding you started getting gifts.   ** I guess what I want to know is, HOW LATE is TOO LATE?  Is it ever?  We’re ** registering at Target for most stuff, and somewhere else (don’t know where ** yet) for china (already have flatwear). ** ** Stephanie Stephanie, As long as you’re registered by the time people receive their invitations…you’re in great shape.  You probably want to leave yourself enough time before invitations go out to make sure you get a  copy and have time to clear up any mistakes and make sure the addresses and all are correct. Don’t sweat it, even if you have a few options online, you can add more stuff later. Amy

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writes: Please don’t tell me it’s already too late, but the wedding is Sept 21, and we’re moving at the end of June, and we want to know how close to the wedding people registered, and how close to the wedding you started getting gifts.   I guess what I want to know is, HOW LATE is TOO LATE?  Is it ever?  We’re registering at Target for most stuff, and somewhere else (don’t know where yet) for china (already have flatwear).

It’s a good idea to be registered by the time you send out your invitations.  That’s when guests will start looking.  You can always change/add to the registry if you decide to later. Holly (& Ken) who registered way early so that we wouldn’t have to worry about it when things got crazy later on! 8/25/96

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writes: Please don’t tell me it’s already too late, but the wedding is Sept 21, and we’re moving at the end of June, and we want to know how close to the wedding people registered, and how close to the wedding you started getting gifts.   I guess what I want to know is, HOW LATE is TOO LATE?  Is it ever?  We’re registering at Target for most stuff, and somewhere else (don’t know where yet) for china (already have flatwear).

My husband and I went ahead and registered in July before our January wedding.  We were in two different cities, 5 hours apart, and found it more convenient to register early because of this.  We also had people from his hometown offering to give us some REALLY early showers (October!), so we felt that registering 5-6 months before marrying helped.  Plus, we felt that if our patterns were discontinued, then we had plenty of time to select another.   Beth, who *still* hasn’t had the chance to use her beautiful Noritake Mendelson china

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – writes: Please don’t tell me it’s already too late, but the wedding is Sept 21, and we’re moving at the end of June, and we want to know how close to the wedding people registered, and how close to the wedding you started getting gifts.   I guess what I want to know is, HOW LATE is TOO LATE?  Is it ever?  We’re registering at Target for most stuff, and somewhere else (don’t know where yet) for china (already have flatwear).

 Don’t panic! We registered for our June 2 wedding in March (and did not finish the registry until April) and it has worked out fine! You really just need to be registered a little before your shower if you have one (usually within a month or so of the wedding) and when you send the invitations out (4-6 weeks before the wedding date).  My shower was the second to last weekend in April and most of my gifts were off the registry (Macy’s did a great job of updating the registry and making it available).  So relax, I think you’re fine.  I’m sure it’s a lot of stress to both move and plan a wedding at the same time, but I think this is one thing you don’t need to worry about! Debbie (and Larry) 6/2/96

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I have another take on the when to register question. How long is too early to register? Michael and I aren’t getting married for 1 year and 10 months (about), and we are planning an engagement party to coincide with his college graduation. People have asked if we will be registered. Should I or shouldn’t I? Should the registry be just for the wedding and showers? We don’t want to seem greedy, but at the same time, people have asked and it would be silly to say "I don’t expect people to give gifts so I won’t register". Thoughts? Jennye (and Michael) March 29, 1998

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Jennye writes: How long is too early to register? Michael and I aren’t getting married for 1 year and 10 months (about), and we are planning an engagement party to coincide with his college graduation. People have asked if we will be registered. Should I or shouldn’t I? Should the registry be just for the wedding and showers? We don’t want to seem greedy, but at the same time, people have asked and it would be silly to say "I don’t expect people to give gifts so I won’t register".

From my experience, you should register during the SEASON of your wedding. We registered too early (in the fall, for a spring wedding), and department stores typically restock and delete items from their inventory every season. If you register during the season of your wedding, you will have the store’s most current selections, plus there is less danger that items from your registry will be discontinued (happens all the time with bed linens). Best wishes, Karmela PS: Just a suggestion, but we had a very positive experience with the registry at JCPenney.

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How long is too early to register? Michael and I aren’t getting married for 1 year and 10 months (about), and we are planning an engagement party to coincide with his college graduation. People have asked if we will be registered. Should I or shouldn’t I? Should the registry be just for the wedding and showers? We don’t want to seem greedy, but at the same time, people have asked and it would be silly to say "I don’t expect people to give gifts so I won’t register".

If people are already asking you, go ahead and register.  However, you will want to update your registry within about 3 months of the wedding, because stores change their merchandise seasonally.  You’re pretty safe with the formal china, crystal and flatware, most appliances and some other "kitchen basics", but linens, gadgets, much casual tableware and serving pieces, and many decorative items (i.e., photo frames, clocks) that you see in the stores now might not be available by the time the wedding rolls around. On the other hand, if people are asking for the purpose of engagement gifts, and you aren’t ready to register or don’t want to re-do it later, consider telling them you haven’t registered, but if they want to give you something, you’d appreciate something you could use during your engagement or at the wedding itself — a photo album; wedding planner, wedding readings/traditions/ceremony-writing book or etiquette book; ring pillow or unity candle or cake knife; wedding music compilation CD or sheet music book; etc. Holly (& Ken) 8/25/96

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From my experience, you should register during the SEASON of your wedding.. . . you will have the store’s most current selections, plus there is less danger that items from your registry will be discontinued (happens all the time with bed linens). Good point!!  But if you want to register early, why not initially register for those things that will always be the same (dishes, appliances, cookware) and then in the season of the wedding you could register for all those other things that are stocked seasonally. One of my attendants registered a little early and when I went to buy her a gift, so many of the things on her list just weren’t in the store anymore.  I don’t know if this says it’s bad to register early, or it’s important to keep track of your list.

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** From my experience, you should register during the SEASON of your ** wedding.. . . you will have the store’s most current selections, plus ** there is less danger that items from your registry will be ** discontinued (happens all the time with bed linens). Registering in the same season makes some sense, but remember that department stores don’t always carry the same exact merchandise year after year…the picnic baskets this year may not be the same as next year’s…that kind of stuff. I know a lot of people will try to pick out exact manufacturers and style numbers and all and this may or may not work since the store may carry some other brands’ goods or patterns of items like linens change from summer one year to summer the next and the pattern from last year won’t necessarily be carried year. Items don’t always carry over to the next summer/fall/winter/spring. We always told people that if they’re going to register so far in advance, to stick with the china/crystal/flatware – the stuff that will most likely not change – yes, I know that patterns are discontinued, but it happens less often than say, picnicware or table linens, and if a pattern IS discontinued, there is usually a decent amount of time in order to change patterns or get the one you want from a number of sources. Just a thought. Amy

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Just wondering if there is a guideline about how soon before the showers/wedding we should register with the stores we want to.  My mother thinks we should right away, in case people want to buy us engagement gifts.  I told her no way am I ready for that, we won’t be "officially" engaged for a few weeks. Melissa

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Jason and I didn’t register for our gifts until the same week we sent out our invitations.  However, I didn’t have a shower, or else I might have done it earlier. Emily Post says that anytime after you announce your engagement, you can register for gifts. Stefani to Jason in 15 days!!

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Just wondering if there is a guideline about how soon before the showers/wedding we should register with the stores we want to.  My mother thinks we should right away, in case people want to buy us engagement gifts.  I told her no way am I ready for that, we won’t be "officially" engaged for a few weeks. Melissa

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In terms of propriety, IMO any time after you announce your engagement seems reasonable.  Registering before you are "officially" engaged seems over-eager for gifts.  However, as long as you don’t reveal where you are registered until asked, no one will know until *they* are thinking about buying you something, so I guess you can properly do it as soon as you want. From a practical point of view, I would recommend holding off.  I only received one engagement gift, so I’m not too familiar with the custom, but I have the impression that engagement gifts are more likely to be celebratory tokens rather than the sort of practical household goods one usually registers for. Also, stores frequently discontinue items, and change their sheet and towel colors seasonally, so the further in advance of your wedding date you register, the greater the chance that people will not be able to find the items you chose (or that you end up with two pieces of crystal in a discontinued pattern, which happened to us!) Finally, I found registering to be a chore and it took a number of weekends to get it all done.  I would be surprised to hear of anyone who just ran out and did it "right away."  Pace yourself. Just wondering if there is a guideline about how soon before the showers/wedding we should register with the stores we want to.  My mother thinks we should right away, in case people want to buy us engagement gifts.  I told her no way am I ready for that, we won’t be "officially" engaged for a few weeks. Melissa

– Katherine Sullivan                 Nortel Networks

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We are definitely not going to register until after the new year, because of discontinuations and year end clearance.  Also, be careful of what may be carried only as a seasonal item, since that really cute picnic set may only be a summer item, and by the time people are looking to buy for a fall or winter wedding, the item may not be in stock and may not even be able to be ordered.  

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We actually registered three months ago (beginning of summer), but had to go back and do some major revisions due to seasonal changes in merchandise and special purchase items that were sold out and would not be replaced.  We are soooo glad we did, because about 1/3 of our registry items no longer existed in this store.  I agree with the suggestion of waiting until you are close to having a shower or just before you mail invitations. The big day is September 25th, 1999!  <3 <3 <3

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Finally, I found registering to be a chore and it took a number of weekends to get it all done.  I would be surprised to hear of anyone who just ran out and did it "right away."  Pace yourself.

When I do register, I have decided to do it from the Argos catalogue (a UK store).  This is great because we can make all the decisions at home, at leisure, and because there are branches all over the country.  Has anyone else registered from a catalogue?  How did it work out for you? However, I will only be registering for household electrical items, luggage and board games.  My mother is an antiques dealer, as are many of our family friends, and I’ve got most of the household stuff all bought second hand, dirt cheap, from auctions, private sellers and car boot sales.  All of it is of very good quality, including quantities of unused, boxed linens (other people’s unwanted wedding presents!) In fact, I think my family would be slightly shocked if I asked for anything new that *wasn’t* electrical goods or luggage.  I am going to be *really* hard to buy for. But if anyone asks, I really fancy a non-stick wok  Oh, and "Connect 4"! avariciously yours, -Elena

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Finally, I found registering to be a chore and it took a number of weekends to get it all done.  I would be surprised to hear of anyone who just ran out and did it "right away."  Pace yourself.

We just ran and did it. It took us 2 hours altogether. Ok, we came back to the store again and changed two blenders into one… Marjeta

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Wait until about 4 months before the wedding.  When you register for towels and other linens, the colors change with the seasons, so they might not have the colors you chose when it gets to be close to your wedding.  China and crystal can be registered for whenever, but I doubt anyone is actually going to buy you an engagement gift off a registery.  People really don’t buy engagement gifts these days.  As long as you are registered before your first shower, you are fine.  We did have to change some of our color selections because they no longer had the ones we chose.  It was a real pain, so don’t make that mistake.  Good Luck. Kelli – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Just wondering if there is a guideline about how soon before the showers/wedding we should register with the stores we want to.  My mother thinks we should right away, in case people want to buy us engagement gifts.  I told her no way am I ready for that, we won’t be "officially" engaged for a few weeks. Melissa

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Wait until about 4 months before the wedding.  When you register for towels and other linens, the colors change with the seasons, so they might not have the colors you chose when it gets to be close to your wedding.  China and crystal can be registered for whenever, but I doubt anyone is actually going to buy you an engagement gift off a registery.  People really don’t buy engagement gifts these days.  As long as you are registered before your first shower, you are fine.  We did have to change some of our color selections because they no longer had the ones we chose.  It was a real pain, so don’t make that mistake.  Good Luck. Kelli

We waited until the week we sent out invitations to register and ONE week later, we got a notice in the mail that about 8 different items on our registry had been discontinued!  That was a major pain!!  Just as we got everything done, we had to go back and replace the stuff!!  Argh. Stefani to Jason in 11 long days!! Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

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China and crystal can be registered for whenever, but I doubt anyone is actually going to buy you an engagement gift off a registery.  People really don’t buy engagement gifts these days.

Really? Please explain the closetful of engagement gifts bought off of our registries that we received! Ron Ng Knows!

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We registered about 3-4 months prior to our wedding.  We were only engaged for 6 months so I wanted to make sure that we allowed enough time for people to shop.  I also had a shower a month prior so to give people enough time to choose a gift for your shower and wedding you should allow at least that much time.  Also, if you have guests that are flying in it’s much easier for them to shop earlier and plus some of our guests chose to have gifts sent so that made it much more fun coming home to see what packages were left waiting for us. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

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I just got engaged 7/12/98 and already, my fiance’s family is planning an engagement party.  I read in a couple of books that family members tend to bring presents at engagement parties and since we’re having 3 separate parties (I live in Seattle and wedding is in CA), one in CA, one in Seattle and another overseas…..makes it easier for our family members not to buy duplicate presents. So my fiance and I are registering before the engagement party in September.   Just a thought~~~~ ivy

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How soon before the wedding should i register?

There is no need to register too early.  I would register no later then a month before your shower.  Every book you read says to register right when you get engaged, but that is silly.  You have other things to worry about then, other than dishes and towels.  Wait til the rush is over then start looking.  Pick everything out with your fiance before you actually go to register because he will get impatient if you try to make all the decisions in one day.  You can register for things like china and crystal and silver as early as you want, but wait until at least 4 months before the wedding to register for linens of any kind.  Stores change their colors (ever so slightly)with the seasons, and your colors may disappear when your wedding comes around.  You want to make sure what you want is on the list, so wait on bath, bed, and table linenes until the wedding approaches nearer.  I had that problem and had to go change a bunch of stuff, so I am just forewarning you of this little "store trend".  Have fun!

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How soon before the wedding should i register?

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I don’t know if there’s a hard and fast rule on this, but I’d think five to three months before the wedding is fine.  We registered about four months before the wedding.  The only problem was, we couldn’t register for bedlinens yet (saleswoman said we could come back in 2 months and update the registry if we wanted) because the seasons change for a lot of sheets (i.e., diff merchandise in diff seasons).  That was fine, though; it was nice to get the rest of it out of the way.  We received one or two gifts starting two months before the wedding, plus that was when everyone else started calling to find out where we were registered.

    How soon before the wedding should i register?

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