Question:

To Everyone here on the news group,     There has been something I’ve been wanting to say since I got everyone mad at me, and that is that I’m sorry.  I don’t know why I do the things I do (try to pull other peoples strings), but I’ve also pissed off a few on the suicide board too.  I assume that since I feel that I haven’t any intelligence, I get manic and go off in my own special way (thinking I’m being intelligent, and maybe even trying to make others hurt, or bring them down.  Like I am.)     I think I’m bipolar I,  where I’m more manic than depressed, but I’ve been reversing lately!  Maybe I’m mixed or I cycle so much (what ever that one is called) that I cant get comfortable with myself.  That last trip I was on (the 100 xanax in 4 days), I did some really stupid shit! (excuse my language),  But that is to explain it at the least!  I want to share something with you, that I feel totally embarrass about!     My father calls (when I am totally high), and asks what I want for x-mas.  Well, thinking of everything I could possibly want, I go off and tell him that I wanted a band to go with my engagement ring (hubby & I never got a band because the diamond on the engagement ring, well, it was just too expensive)., So anyway, we go over to their house this weekend, where we usually all get together to have a christmas party, & I open my gift, and Its actually a comfort fit wedding band.  OH I’m a geezer!  My husband seems O.K. with this.  But you know, If I wasn’t such a putz (weirdo) I wouldn’t have done this.  Shoot I have a pipe cut engagement ring and the other is rounded.  They look really funny together, but I called my dad back the next day and told him I wanted a pipe cut band.  Duh, I was still high ( this is all before I went into the hospital).  My husband said "don’t do it.  What if he already bought your ring.  Oh, geez.  I feel so stupid!  the stuff you do when you’re high Is so stupid!  You think you are o.k. and everything, but, lets put it this way hubby & I drove all around town went to the mall and 3 other stores, I don’t remember it worth a crap.  This is what I guess I get for ODing. Anyway, I’m sorry, Now I cant wait for the depression to set in over all this crap.  It usually does, doesn’t it.  I mean when your manic, (which I was or I wouldn’t of popped all those pills) You end up feeling terrible for the things you do.  Than depression sets in and the guilt ….oh, the guilt!!  Its terrible!.. still hypo, or maybe I’m normal, I cant tell. I hope I can be in tune with myself one of these days! well, now I wrote a book, and feel terrible about that too! In support group, people get pissed off, (probably) because I talk too much! aahhhh shit.   I don’t ever want to see my family again. I am so embarrassed!  I did tell them tho’, that I was under heavy medication when I did that, and that I was stupid for asking for it.  My husband said that made it worse because  he went and spent nearly $200 for this ring and I’m ashamed. oh, whatever.  I lose either way. Sorry so long.  I think I’ll just sit here and mope for the rest of the day. =o(   krazweirdo

Response:

hey hon.. *big hug* welcome. a – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -To Everyone here on the news group,    There has been something I’ve been wanting to say since I got everyone mad at me, and that is that I’m sorry.  I don’t know why I do the things I do (try to pull other peoples strings), but I’ve also pissed off a few on the suicide board too.  I assume that since I feel that I haven’t any intelligence, I get manic and go off in my own special way (thinking I’m being intelligent, and maybe even trying to make others hurt, or bring them down.  Like I am.)    I think I’m bipolar I,  where I’m more manic than depressed, but I’ve been reversing lately!  Maybe I’m mixed or I cycle so much (what ever that one is called) that I cant get comfortable with myself.  That last trip I was on (the 100 xanax in 4 days), I did some really stupid shit! (excuse my language),  But that is to explain it at the least!  I want to share something with you, that I feel totally embarrass about!    My father calls (when I am totally high), and asks what I want for x-mas.  Well, thinking of everything I could possibly want, I go off and tell him that I wanted a band to go with my engagement ring (hubby & I never got a band because the diamond on the engagement ring, well, it was just too expensive)., So anyway, we go over to their house this weekend, where we usually all get together to have a christmas party, & I open my gift, and Its actually a comfort fit wedding band.  OH I’m a geezer!  My husband seems O.K. with this.  But you know, If I wasn’t such a putz (weirdo) I wouldn’t have done this.  Shoot I have a pipe cut engagement ring and the other is rounded.  They look really funny together, but I called my dad back the next day and told him I wanted a pipe cut band.  Duh, I was still high ( this is all before I went into the hospital).  My husband said "don’t do it.  What if he already bought your ring.  Oh, geez.  I feel so stupid!  the stuff you do when you’re high Is so stupid!  You think you are o.k. and everything, but, lets put it this way hubby & I drove all around town went to the mall and 3 other stores, I don’t remember it worth a crap.  This is what I guess I get for ODing. Anyway, I’m sorry, Now I cant wait for the depression to set in over all this crap.  It usually does, doesn’t it.  I mean when your manic, (which I was or I wouldn’t of popped all those pills) You end up feeling terrible for the things you do.  Than depression sets in and the guilt ….oh, the guilt!!  Its terrible!.. still hypo, or maybe I’m normal, I cant tell. I hope I can be in tune with myself one of these days! well, now I wrote a book, and feel terrible about that too! In support group, people get pissed off, (probably) because I talk too much! aahhhh shit.   I don’t ever want to see my family again. I am so embarrassed!  I did tell them tho’, that I was under heavy medication when I did that, and that I was stupid for asking for it.  My husband said that made it worse because  he went and spent nearly $200 for this ring and I’m ashamed. oh, whatever.  I lose either way. Sorry so long.  I think I’ll just sit here and mope for the rest of the day. =o(   krazweirdo

Response:

anyone who has been manic has done weird-ass stuff, and when no longer manic feels like a fool, remembering.  or worse, being told, and not remembering  ;-) *it’s the illness.* i have a good friend who is diabetic, and his condition is such that he has a hard time maintaining his sugar/insulin levels.  when he is low, he does and says all kind of bizarre shit, but no one thinks he is a bad person for it, his friends and family just feel worried for him.  you need to think about it the same way, it is a symptom of being sick, and your family likely (hopefully) understands this, and altho worried, love you anyway. here’s another way to look at it.  what if it was your husband, or your father that had this condition?  would you hold it against them?  of course it seems different when it is your own embarrassing self, but just try to put it behind you.  explain your actions, if you think it will help, but don’t beat yourself up for it.   i try to use the memories of the really "out of it" times to remind myself to take my meds – that’s the best i can do.  it won’t change the past, but it may make the future more acceptable. regards, laurel

Response:

Kraz…      Thanks for the apology…not because I feel I was owed one…but because it makes you feel better.  It also means you are in a better state of mind than previously.  I have done many many things in manic states (shudder)…many of which I made apologies for,,some were accepted…others were not.  Here, though, you are understood.  Take care of yourself. Vanessa Am I on outside looking in or Am I on the inside looking out?

Response:

Hi Kraz,     I agree with Vanessa! Glad you are a little better.  Hope you can stay for a while ~~~Treacha     :as the tree grows…     :the bird flies…the cloud forms…     :wherever you go, there you are

Response:

it takes a lot more than YOU to offend me in ANY way Kraz! — The Surgeon General has determined that *I* can be bad for your health! I am I said To No one there And no one heard at all Not even the chair – Leaving me lonely still..

Response: