Question:
I think your fiancee needs to get her head on straight. Who cares how much you spent on the ring? As long as you took the time and effort to choose one you think she’d like, shouldn’t that be all that really matters? I wouldn’t expect my boyfriend to spend 2 months salary on a ring. There are so many other things we could spend that money on…a ring is a ring. Sure, some are bigger and more expensive, but a symbol of your love and devotion to someone doesn’t need to be big or expensive. Don’t get me wrong…I’d still want a diamond engagement ring, but I’m hoping he wouldn’t choose a huge expensive one. (If you saw my hand, you’d understand 
) As for your sports car…that’s one of the things I’d rather my boyfriend spend his money on instead of going broke on a ring. If you think about it, you (both) get a lot of enjoyment out of the sports car. You wanted that particular sports car, so you had to spend whatever it was the cost of it was. She got a ring that she claims to love, yet she complains about the price? She has no right to compare the cost of your car to the cost of her ring. Why don’t you tell her that if you had spent more on the ring, it wouldn’t be the ring she has on now. The one that she loves, the one that expresses your love for her. Is that what she’d rather have or would she prefer something that you chose based solely on the price tag? I don’t understand how she had to get over the way you proposed. Geez, if she didn’t like it, she could have said no, couldn’t she? Same with the ring. I don’t know what your fiancee wants, but it sure doesn’t seem to be you. And do you really want to live your life with a woman who has unreasonable expectations? Lisa "Anonymous" <a…@anon.net
wrote in message
news:6Owm6.6850$Op3.385945@news4.aus1.giganews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -
Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though… I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed. We had been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing. This, I had pretty much gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary. (FWIW, my job situation was pretty complicated at the time, but I did think the ring was a splurge. It’s easily 50-60% more than the rings she and I had looked at together.) All this happened long after we pretty much agreed that it didn’t really matter what the ring cost, as long as we were both happy. I guess the only two other germane things to mention are: She’s been pretty caught up with the way the ring compares to other people around her that have gotten engaged. I recently (12-15 months ago) bought a sports car that I had been dreaming about for 3-4 years. She mentioned that she was concerned that proposing to her was worth as much as the down payment on my car. That was one of the reasons she started looking at diamond sites. Well, I’ve been pretty long winded, but this whole thing has me a little depressed. I know you don’t have a whole lot of information from this post, but I’d just like to know your gut reaction… -Anon.
Response:
"B and B" <baboonnliz…@prodigy.net
wrote in message
news:97eo4p$70ku$1@newssvr05-en0.news.prodigy.com…
I understand! I wear a size 6 ring, and I cannot play the piano very well at all. I think my hands resemble rat paws, but my husband swears they’re cute.
Haha…I wear a size 5 and even that slips a little in the cold! But I work in a lab, gloves come on and off my hands all day. Could you imagine having to deal with a huge ring while wearing gloves?!?! My little rings are pain enough for me!!
Response:
Sorry but I gotta know…is this woman in love with you or your bank account?
Response:
"Lisa" <kiwistrawbe…@usa.net
wrote in message
news:_HBm6.95157$GV2.21567157@typhoon.san.rr.com…
And what you’ve done in the past should stay in the past. [snip...] And it sure as hell shouldn’t be about making up to her for any mistakes you made in your past life (i.e. the life you led before meeting her), as long as YOU learned from them.
That’s what I thought too…
You seem very eager to please (not a bad thing at all)
I try. Of course I want her to be happy. It’s just saddening that no matter what I do, she seems to find a way to complain. That’s one of the things about the proposal that irks me. When she was happy with the ring but not so happy with the proposal, I could deal with that. Not that she’s questioning both, I’m having a much harder time dealing with. Especially when I was happy with the ring myself.
, but she doesn’t seem to appreciate you.
Yeah, I get that feeling too.
You can always tell her "Honey, why don’t you write out a script of how the proposal should
have
gone and pick out your own ring.
She didn’t want to pick out her ring, until I convinced her to take a look. Even then, she wanted it to be a suprise. As far as having a script, she came suprisingly close at one point…
That way you won’t have to get over anything and you can tell all your friends about the magical, fairytale, all-of-your-dreams-come-true way that you got engaged because what I’ve
done
for you obviously wasn’t good enough." I wonder if she’d take you up on
it.
I’m betting if she was going to be completely honest, she would.
She’d want it to be an original creation on my part. I have to ‘want’ to do it, and the way I show that I want to do it, is by doing it! It’s the same for other people in her life too. This reminds me of the time we were having a _big_ fight (over the phone) because I went out of town to visit family. The day I was to come back, we had a blowup, and she said she was going to sleep. I decided to stay out of town because I didn’t see any point in coming home on the off chance that she might decided to call me to her place and talk. At any rate, when she called back an hour later she was totally p*ssed off because I was still out of town. Of course, the reason I was out of town to begin with was that she encouraged me to go. It was quite a shock when I found out that she wanted me to want to stay in town with her that weekend, and took my trip to visit my family as a personal insult. Perhaps the saddest thing is that one of the reasons I went out of town was to give her space to visit with an old college friend that was visiting her. Imagine my suprise when I found out that a couple weeks later, as her friend was leaving, that I didn’t give them enough space! -Anonymous
Response:
"Sourdough" <sourdo…@myrealbox.com
wrote in message
news:t9lphleqt22v31@corp.supernews.com…
If I had spent 2 months’ salary on an engagement ring, my wife would have clobbered me over the head and insisted that I take it back — too extravagant.
That was the initial reason I wasn’t too excited about letting her know the price of the ring. It would either be too much, as you describe above, or not enough. The ring I picked out was one that I could afford that I thought was a good expression of my love. I was quite pleased with it until a few days ago. -Anon
Response:
Honestly, I think that her expecting a proposal after only one year of dating is preposterous. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and only now can I even think about getting married to him in a few years (not now!). We’re both in our early-mid twenties too. And what you’ve done in the past should stay in the past. Things are different between you and your ex and you and your fiancee. My boyfriend married when he was 19 after knowing a woman for 6 months. He realizes it was a mistake and I’m not going to hold that against him (it did take a while to get to that point tho). Sure, I don’t like that he was married before and I’d be a "second wife", but what are my other options? Being without him? Not worth it. I love him despite his past, despite his faults, whether or not he makes a lot of money and whether or not he spends all of that money on me. Love shouldn’t be about money. And it sure as hell shouldn’t be about making up to her for any mistakes you made in your past life (i.e. the life you led before meeting her), as long as YOU learned from them. Makes you wonder though, when a woman can be ecstatic about ring and a proposal from you, but the ones you gave to your current fiancee didn’t cut it, even though she got the "better" ring and proposal. You seem very eager to please (not a bad thing at all), but she doesn’t seem to appreciate you. You can always tell her "Honey, why don’t you write out a script of how the proposal should have gone and pick out your own ring. That way you won’t have to get over anything and you can tell all your friends about the magical, fairytale, all-of-your-dreams-come-true way that you got engaged because what I’ve done for you obviously wasn’t good enough." I wonder if she’d take you up on it. I’m betting if she was going to be completely honest, she would. Lisa "Anonymous" <a…@anon.net
wrote in message
news:nsBm6.21775$Yx4.792024@news6.giganews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "Lisa" <kiwistrawbe…@usa.net
wrote in message
> news:W6Bm6.95154$GV2.21560212@typhoon.san.rr.com… > > And do you really want to live your life with a woman who has > > unreasonable expectations? > No. > I haven’t mentioned that I’ve done this before, and that relationship broke
up for different reasons (I was younger and more stupid). At any rate, she (my ex) was ecstatic about both the ring and the proposal, both of
which
were significantly less ‘nice’ than the more recent. (BTW, this other relationship was a significant source of problems with my current SO for quite a while) -Posthaste
Response:
If I had spent 2 months’ salary on an engagement ring, my wife would have clobbered me over the head and insisted that I take it back — too extravagant. We had better uses for money than wasting it on expensive rings. I probably spent the equivalent of one or 2 weeks wages on her engagement ring. As for the proposal…we were sitting on the couch watching TV. I had to ask her 5 times. She kept shushing me because she was engrossed in the TV program. Not very romantic, perhaps, but it did the trick. We’ve been together 26 years. "Anonymous" <a…@anon.net
wrote in message
news:6Owm6.6850$Op3.385945@news4.aus1.giganews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -
Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though… I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed. We had been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing. This, I had pretty much gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary. (FWIW, my job situation was pretty complicated at the time, but I did think the ring was a splurge. It’s easily 50-60% more than the rings she and I had looked at together.) All this happened long after we pretty much agreed that it didn’t really matter what the ring cost, as long as we were both happy. I guess the only two other germane things to mention are: She’s been pretty caught up with the way the ring compares to other people around her that have gotten engaged. I recently (12-15 months ago) bought a sports car that I had been dreaming about for 3-4 years. She mentioned that she was concerned that proposing to her was worth as much as the down payment on my car. That was one of the reasons she started looking at diamond sites. Well, I’ve been pretty long winded, but this whole thing has me a little depressed. I know you don’t have a whole lot of information from this post, but I’d just like to know your gut reaction… -Anon.
Response:
Lisa <kiwistrawbe…@usa.net
wrote in message
news:W6Bm6.95154$GV2.21560212@typhoon.san.rr.com…
I think your fiancee needs to get her head on straight. Who cares how
much
you spent on the ring? As long as you took the time and effort to choose one you think she’d like, shouldn’t that be all that really matters? I wouldn’t expect my boyfriend to spend 2 months salary on a ring. There
are
so many other things we could spend that money on…a ring is a ring.
Sure,
some are bigger and more expensive, but a symbol of your love and devotion to someone doesn’t need to be big or expensive. Don’t get me wrong…I’d still want a diamond engagement ring, but I’m hoping he wouldn’t choose a huge expensive one. (If you saw my hand, you’d understand )
I understand! I wear a size 6 ring, and I cannot play the piano very well at all. I think my hands resemble rat paws, but my husband swears they’re cute. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
"Lisa" <kiwistrawbe…@usa.net
wrote in message
news:W6Bm6.95154$GV2.21560212@typhoon.san.rr.com…
And do you really want to live your life with a woman who has unreasonable expectations?
No. I haven’t mentioned that I’ve done this before, and that relationship broke up for different reasons (I was younger and more stupid). At any rate, she (my ex) was ecstatic about both the ring and the proposal, both of which were significantly less ‘nice’ than the more recent. (BTW, this other relationship was a significant source of problems with my current SO for quite a while) -Posthaste
Response:
IgOr <ignora…@NOSPAM.invalid
wrote in message
news:slrn99llmf.ega.ignoramus@nospam.invalid…
B and B <baboonnliz…@prodigy.net wrote: * * My gut reaction is to say that isn’t the way one usually reacts. My
husband
* proposed to me without the ring in his pocket..I got the ring a week
later.
* I still cherish it. As soon as I got the ring I showed it to everyone I So did we, I proposed, and then we shopped for the ring together. I am
sure
that I would not be able to buy anything as beautiful and fitting my wife by myself.
He bought it, and picked it out himself. What I loved about it was that it fitted me perfectly, the size, the size of the actual diamond (1/5 of a carat) and the band (plain, slender gold). It was my ideal engagement ring. When we picked out wedding bands, we were again on the same wavelength…plain gold bands (well, not totally plain, they have bordery thingies on the edges..)mine is 4 millimeters, and his is 6. They match, they were inexpensive (I wanted a kick ass honeymoon instead of the more expensive rings), and they aren’t annoying (rings can be annoying…it took me a month to break myself from trying to flick my engagement ring off of my finger when I was not actively thinking about what it was that was on my finger).
— Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. – George
Carlin
Response:
"B and B" <baboonnliz…@prodigy.net
wrote in message
news:97ene0$7css$1@newssvr05-en0.news.prodigy.com… > Anonymous <a…@anon.net
wrote in message
> news:zwAm6.21630$Yx4.784723@news6.giganews.com… > > "floridanewbie" <floridanew…@hotmail.com
wrote in message
> > > Did you buy it before meeting her or was it a joint decision? > Psssst…I think he meant the sports car.
Doh…. I’m not thinking… I wanted it and she was supportive. -Soon
Response:
Anonymous <a…@anon.net
wrote in message
news:zwAm6.21630$Yx4.784723@news6.giganews.com… > "floridanewbie" <floridanew…@hotmail.com
wrote in message
> > Did you buy it before meeting her or was it a joint decision? > We looked around a little… to get ideas. She didn’t really want to > get involved initially. At any rate, we looked at rings enough to > give me an idea of what she liked. I actually bought a significantly > nicer diamond than the ones we looked at.
Psssst…I think he meant the sports car.
Response:
"IgOr" <ignora…@NOSPAM.invalid
wrote in message
news:slrn99llij.ega.ignoramus@nospam.invalid…
I think that generally, looking at prices is not really evidence of anything bad.
No, it was the reason behind the search it that concerns me.
It is an evidence that your fiance wants to be informed. And a desire to be informed is a good thing.
True indeed.
Is a silly little object worth two months of your life?
Actually more than two months, considering that DeBeers thinks in terms of gross income, I’m sure.
Re; buying a sports car prior to proposing: a very wise move.
I thought so too.
* I recently (12-15 months ago) bought a sports car that I had been * dreaming about for 3-4 years. She mentioned that she was * concerned that proposing to her was worth as much as the down * payment on my car. That was one of the reasons she started looking * at diamond sites. Now that is the kind of talk that makes me want to run. Personally. It is very difficult to get along with someone who requires that you suffer needlessly and waste major resources to show your love. (the key words here are "needlessly" and "waste")
This is a not-uncommon theme in our relationship…The weekend after the week I started my current job, I started to kiss her one night and she said I hadn’t paid her enough attention that week.
* Well, I’ve been pretty long winded, but this whole thing has me a little * depressed. I know you don’t have a whole lot of information from this * post, but I’d just like to know your gut reaction… It’s mostly negative… Can you tell a little more about you and your fiance? No need to name names.
We’re both in our mid twenties. After a year of dating she started to think that ‘I was the one’ and started expecting a proposal. It didn’t happen initially, and this created tension in our relationship. She made her expectations clear. At any rate, I had a proposal planned, punted due to some doubts, and spent the next several months trying to get my bearings in the relationship.Concurrent with all this I started at a new job and started having some medical problems. About this time she started getting pretty critical of me, and when I asked her about it she said that the couldn’t ease her criticism of me because I hadn’t proposed. After a long discussion where she basically asked me if I had punted a proposal, I told her that I had (honesty, right…) and she asked me to see a therapist to figure out why I hadn’t proposed. I didn’t, but eventually did end up proposing. The morning of my planned proposal she basically blew up and we had a pretty tremendous fight. We decided to stick it out through the date I had planned for the night, and ended up changing our plans. I then popped the question… Sigh… Dr. Laura would love this… on re-reading what I wrote I look pretty damned weak.
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. – George
Carlin Lol… -Shortly
Response:
Im my opinion she should be happy with what she got. Its better then nothing. As my engagement ring I used my class ring when my husband proposed to me.I knew we couldnt get anything better at the time but I thought it was special and nice to do that. If she is going to be sooo concerned in how much a ring costs to be looking so much sounds like me she really isnt worth it unless you have a talk with her and if you feel that the ring is special explain to her that you picked out one that you felt suited her and would be happy.And if she says something that its not what she really wanted as an engagement ring tell her she should be happy you got a ring cause I know ALOT of people who get engaged and do not have a ring to show.In long/short …. Its better than nothing at all "Anonymous" <a…@anon.net
wrote in message
news:6Owm6.6850$Op3.385945@news4.aus1.giganews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -
Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though… I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed. We had been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing. This, I had pretty much gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary. (FWIW, my job situation was pretty complicated at the time, but I did think the ring was a splurge. It’s easily 50-60% more than the rings she and I had looked at together.) All this happened long after we pretty much agreed that it didn’t really matter what the ring cost, as long as we were both happy. I guess the only two other germane things to mention are: She’s been pretty caught up with the way the ring compares to other people around her that have gotten engaged. I recently (12-15 months ago) bought a sports car that I had been dreaming about for 3-4 years. She mentioned that she was concerned that proposing to her was worth as much as the down payment on my car. That was one of the reasons she started looking at diamond sites. Well, I’ve been pretty long winded, but this whole thing has me a little depressed. I know you don’t have a whole lot of information from this post, but I’d just like to know your gut reaction… -Anon.
Response:
"momalot" <dadalotmoma…@hotmail.com
wrote in message
news:3A9AAA48.7AC1E33D@hotmail.com…
How long have you known your fiance?
somewhat more than 2 years.
What I am getting at is, do you really know her and what she expects out of a relationship, both short term and long term plans?
I thought so. We’ve talked in particular about the first year or two.
For me to read your post, because I don’t know more, I would assume from your tone that she just wants to be married, and have a big ring, to show off to her friends. It sounds like marriage is just something to show off
to
her.
She hadn’t been planning on in until I came along.
In this case, I think your gut is telling you something, that your heart doesn’t.
Perhaps so… sigh… -Anon
Response:
She sounds like a very selfish woman? If she is so concerned about the cost of the ring, why doesn’ she just go to a jewellers and have it appraised. Better yet, why didn’t she kick in a few bucks to help pay for the ring? If I were you, I’d tell her to get off her high horse, and grow up. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Anonymous wrote:
Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though… I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed. We had been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing. This, I had pretty much gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary. (FWIW, my job situation was pretty complicated at the time, but I did think the ring was a splurge. It’s easily 50-60% more than the rings she and I had looked at together.) All this happened long after we pretty much agreed that it didn’t really matter what the ring cost, as long as we were both happy. I guess the only two other germane things to mention are: She’s been pretty caught up with the way the ring compares to other people around her that have gotten engaged. I recently (12-15 months ago) bought a sports car that I had been dreaming about for 3-4 years. She mentioned that she was concerned that proposing to her was worth as much as the down payment on my car. That was one of the reasons she started looking at diamond sites. Well, I’ve been pretty long winded, but this whole thing has me a little depressed. I know you don’t have a whole lot of information from this post, but I’d just like to know your gut reaction… -Anon.
Response:
"floridanewbie" <floridanew…@hotmail.com
wrote in message
news:3a9ab3ed.93029746@news.mindspring.com…
On Mon, 26 Feb 2001 17:57:22 GMT, "Anonymous" <a…@anon.net wrote: Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though… Hehe … don’t we all?
Yup.
I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed. We had been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing. How old are the two of you?
Mid twenties.
How long have you been dating?
A couple years. That’s actually one of the problems. She got ready for a proposal about a year into the relationship, and the fact that I hadn’t proposed caused serious problems. At one point she asked me to see a therapist to investigate why I hadn’t proposed yet.
This, I had pretty much gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary. What is the two month’s salary thing? Is that some bullshit jewelers try to guilt you with?
It’s DeBeers, but the idea’s the same.
If the two of you were really ready to marry for the right reasons, the value of the ring would not matter …
I thought so too. I really wish I understood the dichotomy between her professions that she’s happy with the ring, and yet she’s insecure about the cost relative to the down payment I put on my car.
you do know you can become engaged without any ring, don’t you?
Yes.
I wonder what kind of expensive, fairy tale wedding she expects …
We’ve already talked about this. Booked a consultant and everything.
are her folks rich enough to induge her tastes
Not really. They’re going to help, but they’re in somewhat of a bind. At any rate, she and I (read my savings) will foot the bulk of the bill. At any rate, she’s upset because a lot of the wedding’s burden (travel, etc.) is on her folks, while mine are in a better position.
or will you have to go into hock for the rest of your life to have the "perfect" wedding?
No… it’ll be managable.
I have a cousin whose son & bride were totally focused on having their wedding at DisneyWorld (of all the putrid places to get married) …
That can get _expensive_. $65K for there top package for 100 people. We aren’t close to that.
Did you buy it before meeting her or was it a joint decision?
We looked around a little… to get ideas. She didn’t really want to get involved initially. At any rate, we looked at rings enough to give me an idea of what she liked. I actually bought a significantly nicer diamond than the ones we looked at.
I would also suggest you each pull and share your current credit reports … there may be some nasty surprises.
There aren’t on this front. -Mike
Response:
On Mon, 26 Feb 2001 13:13:20 -0800, Nobody <drew_nob…@hotmail.REMOVE_THIS.com
wrote: Anonymous wrote: cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary. My DW and I shared the cost of her wedding set. We found what we wanted and she put down a $100 deposit. I broke my piggy bank to pay the difference when the set was ready …and never paid her back the $100 I owed. Ha! Our 15th anniversary is this year…I think the interest charges would kill me at this point. Lol. Drew
Hey Drew … how come you are an hour ahead of the rest of the world? Date: Mon, 26 Feb 2001 13:13:20 -0800 Before 4PM EST I noticed your post … is it your system with the funny clock or the provider you are using? … not that it really matters Floridanewbie
Response:
"B and B" <baboonnliz…@prodigy.net
wrote in message
news:97e8gn$3hmu$1@newssvr06-en0.news.prodigy.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Anonymous <a…@anon.net
wrote in message
> news:6Owm6.6850$Op3.385945@news4.aus1.giganews.com… > > Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though… > > I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some > > of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told > > me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed. > Huh? Unless you said "Listen here, skank, I think you and me, we need to > make this relationship legal. How about getting married?" , before slipping
a skull ring on her finger, then I can’t imagine what she would need to
get
over.
Neither can I… I thought it was pretty romantic myself… I think she thought it was romantic too, but like I said, she said that she needed to get over it, which I found pretty amazing.
We had been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing. Oh. I see. Did you forget the part where you take her to the beach or
the
place where you had your first date and present her with 3 dozen long stem roses and a 4 carat solitaire while 15 of your closest friends join in and sing "My Girl" ?
More or less…
This, I had pretty much gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary. I know for a fact that my husband didn’t. In fact, I know that he spent a paycheck on it. I still love it to death and you will never get it off my finger.
I think she actually likes the ring I gave her, but the whole checking out the price/comaring it against the car thing really bothers me. Maybe she does like it, but why would she go to such lengths on the price.She was even somewhat startled that I didn’t pay for it in one chunk.
She’s been pretty caught up with the way the ring compares to other people around her that have gotten engaged. Why? Did it come out of a gumball machine? Or a box of cracker jacks?
Trust me, it’s a nice ring.
Is she at all excited about the actual wedding/life together part of it or
is
she only hung up on her ring?
I know she’s excited about the wedding. I think she’s excited about the life together stuff.
My gut reaction is to say that isn’t the way one usually reacts.
That’s kind of what I was thinking.
As soon as I got the ring I showed it to everyone I knew.
She’s done that.
A few of my friends have been engaged since them. Yes, some of their rings are bigger.
Same thing here…
I wouldn’t trade with them no matter what.
She’d say the same thing. 90% of her actions indicate that she’s really happy. The other 10% make me wonder. -Anon
Response:
We are living in a material world and she’s a material girl… -=madonna=- careful here, while your discussions may end up with an "all is well," materialistic people [hell, all people...] build resentments. You may want to bring this up [resentments] in discussions as well, just to keep the air clear… __ -=<{:::jSl:::}
=-
http://www.geocities.com/tsjogolo Anonymous wrote in message
<6Owm6.6850$Op3.385…@news4.aus1.giganews.com
…
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -
Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though… I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed. We had been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing. This, I had pretty much gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary. (FWIW, my job situation was pretty complicated at the time, but I did think the ring was a splurge. It’s easily 50-60% more than the rings she and I had looked at together.) All this happened long after we pretty much agreed that it didn’t really matter what the ring cost, as long as we were both happy. I guess the only two other germane things to mention are: She’s been pretty caught up with the way the ring compares to other people around her that have gotten engaged. I recently (12-15 months ago) bought a sports car that I had been dreaming about for 3-4 years. She mentioned that she was concerned that proposing to her was worth as much as the down payment on my car. That was one of the reasons she started looking at diamond sites. Well, I’ve been pretty long winded, but this whole thing has me a little depressed. I know you don’t have a whole lot of information from this post, but I’d just like to know your gut reaction… -Anon.
Response:
How long have you known your fiance? What I am getting at is, do you really know her and what she expects out of a relationship, both short term and long term plans? For me to read your post, because I don’t know more, I would assume from your tone that she just wants to be married, and have a big ring, to show off to her friends. It sounds like marriage is just something to show off to her. But, I could be totally wrong. Definitely talk to her, and talk to her again and again, before you do get married. If there are second guessings going on, hold off on the marriage. Like my momma always said, "Go with your gut instinct". In this case, I think your gut is telling you something, that your heart doesn’t. momalot – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Anonymous wrote:
Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though… I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed. We had been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing. This, I had pretty much gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary. (FWIW, my job situation was pretty complicated at the time, but I did think the ring was a splurge. It’s easily 50-60% more than the rings she and I had looked at together.) All this happened long after we pretty much agreed that it didn’t really matter what the ring cost, as long as we were both happy. I guess the only two other germane things to mention are: She’s been pretty caught up with the way the ring compares to other people around her that have gotten engaged. I recently (12-15 months ago) bought a sports car that I had been dreaming about for 3-4 years. She mentioned that she was concerned that proposing to her was worth as much as the down payment on my car. That was one of the reasons she started looking at diamond sites. Well, I’ve been pretty long winded, but this whole thing has me a little depressed. I know you don’t have a whole lot of information from this post, but I’d just like to know your gut reaction… -Anon.
Response:
On Mon, 26 Feb 2001 17:57:22 GMT, "Anonymous" <a…@anon.net
wrote: Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though…
Hehe … don’t we all?
I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed. We had been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing.
How old are the two of you? How long have you been dating? Have the two of you ever had any deep conversations about what each of you want out of life?
This, I had pretty much gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary.
What is the two month’s salary thing? Is that some bullshit jewelers try to guilt you with? If the two of you were really ready to marry for the right reasons, the value of the ring would not matter … you do know you can become engaged without any ring, don’t you? She sounds either very immature, focused on the wrong things, or greedy. Big red flag either way. I wonder what kind of expensive, fairy tale wedding she expects … are her folks rich enough to induge her tastes or will you have to go into hock for the rest of your life to have the "perfect" wedding? I have a cousin whose son & bride were totally focused on having their wedding at DisneyWorld (of all the putrid places to get married) … that is all anyone could talk about for months. The actual marriage only lasted a few weeks before they headed for divorce court.
(FWIW, my job situation was pretty complicated at the time, but I did think the ring was a splurge. It’s easily 50-60% more than the rings she and I had looked at together.) All this happened long after we pretty much agreed that it didn’t really matter what the ring cost, as long as we were both happy.
I guess you only thought you had agreed … another red flag. It’s that old communication thing long-time couples talk about.
I guess the only two other germane things to mention are: She’s been pretty caught up with the way the ring compares to other people around her that have gotten engaged.
Man, wait until she starts comparing the "important" thing … um, what size shoes do you wear? Do you have real long arms? Seriously, if she isn’t too immature for marriage, she may be greedy .. you may be in debt your whole life paying for that huge house she must have and all the designer stuff to fill it.
I recently (12-15 months ago) bought a sports car that I had been dreaming about for 3-4 years. She mentioned that she was concerned that proposing to her was worth as much as the down payment on my car. That was one of the reasons she started looking at diamond sites.
Did you buy it before meeting her or was it a joint decision? Perhaps she is attracted to your car and your assumed ability to spend a lot of money. You cannot win that kind of game unless you are quite wealthy and even then some other guy will come along with more money, longer arms and big feet.
Well, I’ve been pretty long winded, but this whole thing has me a little depressed. I know you don’t have a whole lot of information from this post, but I’d just like to know your gut reaction…
I’ve been kind of hard on you and on her … all from a little snippet of a post. That’s what happens when I get into a p*ssy mood. Seriously, think twice about this union and consider couples counseling to see if you are really on the same page … or if you are even using the same playbook. I would also suggest you each pull and share your current credit reports … there may be some nasty surprises. Floridanewbie
Response:
Anonymous <a…@anon.net
wrote in message
news:6Owm6.6850$Op3.385945@news4.aus1.giganews.com…
Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though… I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed.
Huh? Unless you said "Listen here, skank, I think you and me, we need to make this relationship legal. How about getting married?" , before slipping a skull ring on her finger, then I can’t imagine what she would need to get over. We had
been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing.
Oh. I see. Did you forget the part where you take her to the beach or the place where you had your first date and present her with 3 dozen long stem roses and a 4 carat solitaire while 15 of your closest friends join in and sing "My Girl" ? This, I had pretty much
gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary.
I know for a fact that my husband didn’t. In fact, I know that he spent a paycheck on it. I still love it to death and you will never get it off my finger. (FWIW,
my job situation was pretty complicated at the time, but I did think the ring was a splurge. It’s easily 50-60% more than the rings she and I had looked at together.) All this happened long after we pretty much agreed that it didn’t really matter what the ring cost, as long as we were both happy.
Apparently that isn’t exactly the case.
I guess the only two other germane things to mention are: She’s been pretty caught up with the way the ring compares to other people around her that have gotten engaged.
Why? Did it come out of a gumball machine? Or a box of cracker jacks? Is she at all excited about the actual wedding/life together part of it or is she only hung up on her ring?
I recently (12-15 months ago) bought a sports car that I had been dreaming about for 3-4 years. She mentioned that she was concerned that proposing to her was worth as much as the down payment on my car. That was one of the reasons she started looking at diamond sites.
Oh…I see. Well, was it? Or wasn’t it? If that is her only concern, perhaps you should consider what kind of attitude she may have about finances later on…
Well, I’ve been pretty long winded, but this whole thing has me a little depressed. I know you don’t have a whole lot of information from this post, but I’d just like to know your gut reaction…
My gut reaction is to say that isn’t the way one usually reacts. My husband proposed to me without the ring in his pocket..I got the ring a week later. I still cherish it. As soon as I got the ring I showed it to everyone I knew. A few of my friends have been engaged since them. Yes, some of their rings are bigger. I wouldn’t trade with them no matter what. So….if I were you I would be depressed too. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -
-Anon.
Response:
Anonymous wrote:
cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary.
My DW and I shared the cost of her wedding set. We found what we wanted and she put down a $100 deposit. I broke my piggy bank to pay the difference when the set was ready …and never paid her back the $100 I owed. Ha! Our 15th anniversary is this year…I think the interest charges would kill me at this point. Lol. Drew
Response:
Hi, sorry for the anon. post, I have my reasons though… I’m newly engaged (several months), and need a gut check on some of my emotions. The morning after we got engaged, my fiancee told me that she was ‘having to get over’ the way I proposed. We had been dating for a while, and she apparantly expected something more elaborate than what I ended up doing. This, I had pretty much gotten over when I found out this weekend that she had been looking on some diamond sites to figure out how much her engagement ring cost, and that she didn’t think I had spent two months salary. (FWIW, my job situation was pretty complicated at the time, but I did think the ring was a splurge. It’s easily 50-60% more than the rings she and I had looked at together.) All this happened long after we pretty much agreed that it didn’t really matter what the ring cost, as long as we were both happy. I guess the only two other germane things to mention are: She’s been pretty caught up with the way the ring compares to other people around her that have gotten engaged. I recently (12-15 months ago) bought a sports car that I had been dreaming about for 3-4 years. She mentioned that she was concerned that proposing to her was worth as much as the down payment on my car. That was one of the reasons she started looking at diamond sites. Well, I’ve been pretty long winded, but this whole thing has me a little depressed. I know you don’t have a whole lot of information from this post, but I’d just like to know your gut reaction… -Anon.
Response:
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