Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – An Queen Georgie posts another load of SHIT What a cunt she is…. (<..<) XiR

Question:

    Of course gold rings can be melted down, but why? Why not suggest she take your ring and have it sized for her, and maybe made a part of hers? Just a thought. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m sure this has been brought up before, but I need a refresher…….I have many different "wedding" rings…some are the real thing, some are a mix of the real and the not real.  I want to continue to wear some of them after the divorce. My daughter is engaged, and she and her fiance have to get a wedding band made to fit into a humongous engagement ring (it actually looks like an anniversary ring, rather than an engagement ring).  I suggested to her that she take hubby and my plain solid gold bands to be melted down…….I also have diamonds from my mother’s rings that she may use if a jeweler thinks it’ll work. Can gold rings be melted down?  She is not keen on this, but since she and fiance have to pay for the wedding themselves, I thought this would serve three purposes…one to eliminate some wedding rings. two, allowing hubby and I to "pass down" our stuff, and three to save the kids some money.  Any ideas? Tispe

Response:

I can’t see why divorced woman shouldn’t wear hearts if they like them. What I wonder about is how your daughter feels when she sees you wearing those necklaces.  If she couldn’t bear to wear them herself, how does she like seeing them on you? I gave ALL my jewelry (not that I had alot) to my daughter after I divorced. She loves jewelry, and I like the fact she enjoys wearing it. Doesn’t bother me when I see her wearing it,  I just couldn’t wear it! Lori Mc

 Yes, I can see doing that.  I just wondered how her daughter would feel seeing that jewlery on her mother.  Probably would depend on whether she had any emotional attachment to it or not. Pamela

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 of thought was going along the lines that the rings are  "cursed" because mom and dad are getting a divorce. Heh, no problem. For me, when someone I know cares about me does something that hurts my feelings, my first reaction is to try to figure out why they would do something that would hurt them. Generally, it will turn into something that makes sense, just not something I would have thought about at the time. *A lot* of times, the trains of thought that have led to my feelings being hurt have nothing to do with their train of thought and reasoning, only with mine. Tracey

Response:

along the lines that the rings are "cursed" because mom and dad are getting a divorce.  Actually, the damn rings are not the ones we got married with….a few months after the wedding, we saw a two for one sale at a jeweler, plain yellow gold bands (our real wedding rings are white gold). So we ran in, had two rings sized on the spot and off we went. But, may I also use this forum (still on topic)…..about another jewelry dilemma….prior to my daughter hooking up with this guy, she’d dated another guy and he gave her some rather nice necklaces.  When they broke up, she refused to wear them, so I took them.  Most of them are hearts, but with diamonds.  Naturally when I snagged them for myself, I never thought I’d be getting a divorce…… So my new question is….can divorced gals wear heart shaped pendants……I also have a heart that has hubby and my initials intertwined….we designed it ourselves.  Damn, all this jewelry. I really appreciate everyone’s input. Tispe – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Another thing to consider is your daughter’s age. When we’re young, it’s difficult to think about the time when our parents’ won’t be there anymore. It’s difficult, IMO, to attach senti- mental value to a loved one’s possessions when they’re still around. So, I wouldn’t take it personally that she doesn’t accept the rings right now. Just look at it as that she can’t think of a time when the rings will be something to remind her of you instead of being able to see/talk to you when she wants. Tracey

Response:

I can’t see why divorced woman shouldn’t wear hearts if they like them. What I wonder about is how your daughter feels when she sees you wearing those necklaces.  If she couldn’t bear to wear them herself, how does she like seeing them on you? Pamela

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – going along the lines that the rings are "cursed" because mom and dad are getting a divorce.  Actually, the damn rings are not the ones we got married with….a few months after the wedding, we saw a two for one sale at a jeweler, plain yellow gold bands (our real wedding rings are white gold). So we ran in, had two rings sized on the spot and off we went. But, may I also use this forum (still on topic)…..about another jewelry dilemma….prior to my daughter hooking up with this guy, she’d dated another guy and he gave her some rather nice necklaces.  When they broke up, she refused to wear them, so I took them.  Most of them are hearts, but with diamonds.  Naturally when I snagged them for myself, I never thought I’d be getting a divorce…… So my new question is….can divorced gals wear heart shaped pendants……I also have a heart that has hubby and my initials intertwined….we designed it ourselves.  Damn, all this jewelry. I really appreciate everyone’s input. Tispe Another thing to consider is your daughter’s age. When we’re young, it’s difficult to think about the time when our parents’ won’t be there anymore. It’s difficult, IMO, to attach senti- mental value to a loved one’s possessions when they’re still around. So, I wouldn’t take it personally that she doesn’t accept the rings right now. Just look at it as that she can’t think of a time when the rings will be something to remind her of you instead of being able to see/talk to you when she wants. Tracey

Response:

Plain 10kt domed bands( mass produced) should be inexpensive. The kind I make are 14 to 18kt and are patterns cut with a very fine sawblade then soldered to a solid background. On average half my cost is time spent and the other half in materials when working with gold.In silver, most of the price reflects time put into it. Robert M.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am just curious as to why gold bands cost so much, considering there is so very, very  little gold in them.

Response:

I can’t see why divorced woman shouldn’t wear hearts if they like them. What I wonder about is how your daughter feels when she sees you wearing those necklaces.  If she couldn’t bear to wear them herself, how does she like seeing them on you?

I gave ALL my jewelry (not that I had alot) to my daughter after I divorced. She loves jewelry, and I like the fact she enjoys wearing it. Doesn’t bother me when I see her wearing it,  I just couldn’t wear it! Lori Mc – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Pamela was going along the lines that the rings are "cursed" because mom and dad are getting a divorce.  Actually, the damn rings are not the ones we got married with….a few months after the wedding, we saw a two for one sale at a jeweler, plain yellow gold bands (our real wedding rings are white gold). So we ran in, had two rings sized on the spot and off we went. But, may I also use this forum (still on topic)…..about another jewelry dilemma….prior to my daughter hooking up with this guy, she’d dated another guy and he gave her some rather nice necklaces. When they broke up, she refused to wear them, so I took them.  Most of them are hearts, but with diamonds.  Naturally when I snagged them for myself, I never thought I’d be getting a divorce…… So my new question is….can divorced gals wear heart shaped pendants……I also have a heart that has hubby and my initials intertwined….we designed it ourselves.  Damn, all this jewelry. I really appreciate everyone’s input. Tispe Another thing to consider is your daughter’s age. When we’re young, it’s difficult to think about the time when our parents’ won’t be there anymore. It’s difficult, IMO, to attach senti- mental value to a loved one’s possessions when they’re still around. So, I wouldn’t take it personally that she doesn’t accept the rings right now. Just look at it as that she can’t think of a time when the rings will be something to remind her of you instead of being able to see/talk to you when she wants. Tracey

Response:

Thanks.  I thought it had more to do with craftsmanship and artistry  than the cost of gold, which has to be quite minor even if it is 18ct. Pamela

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Plain 10kt domed bands( mass produced) should be inexpensive. The kind I make are 14 to 18kt and are patterns cut with a very fine sawblade then soldered to a solid background. On average half my cost is time spent and the other half in materials when working with gold.In silver, most of the price reflects time put into it. Robert M. I am just curious as to why gold bands cost so much, considering there is so very, very  little gold in them.

Response:

I work with gold and have done what you wish many times. I place a charge on melting and turning the ingot into a usable form.The saving is usually about 50% or higher on material  costs. A set of bands that would cost $1000 dollars from new material would cost $750.00 roughly from your own gold. Robert M.

I am just curious as to why gold bands cost so much, considering there is so very, very  little gold in them.

Response:

Thought about it a bit and talked about it with DH and clarified my thinking about. IMO, it’s all about senti- mental value. My husband still has his ring from his first marriage and wouldn’t consider offering it to one of his sons from that marriage.

The wedding band i gave my ex belonged to my grandfather, from one of his multiple marriages.  At the time, i had no idea that my grandfather was an evil man, and my mother didn’t tell me.  Why she didn’t tell me, i don’t know becuz she let me use that ring in my marriage, and all that time my ex was wearing this evil ring that that evil man had worn, maybe even while he was doing the evil things. I don’t hold it against my mom, God bless her, but i can’t understand why she didn’t tell me about that, and a zillion other things.  I think she was in denial herself.

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I inherited my parent’s wedding bands, which is way cool. My and ex and I wore them during our marriage.  When she examined them, she discovered that my birthdate was only 7.5 months after the inscribed date their marriage.  When I asked my Aunt about it, she said, "We don’t discuss these things."  Hmmm…. When I remarried, I kinda figured that it might not be appropriate to suggest that we reuse them to my new wife… maybe for my third wife, though <just kidding.  [Roger] – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thought about it a bit and talked about it with DH and clarified my thinking about. IMO, it’s all about senti- mental value. My husband still has his ring from his first marriage and wouldn’t consider offering it to one of his sons from that marriage. That is to be given to his oldest son when my husband has passed. It will have sentimental value then, but it doesn’t now. Another example would be my sister’s wedding rings. She divorced 13 or 14 years before her death. At one point, she had decided to sell her wedding and engagement ring. My mother, who had always wanted a ‘better’ set of wedding rings, bought them from her and wore them for quite a few years. Until my sister died. Now they’re put away, to be given to one of her kids at a later date. Now, whether they will ever use them as their (more accurately, their wife’s) wedding rings is something that will be up to them. Another thing to consider is your daughter’s age. When we’re young, it’s difficult to think about the time when our parents’ won’t be there anymore. It’s difficult, IMO, to attach senti- mental value to a loved one’s possessions when they’re still around. So, I wouldn’t take it personally that she doesn’t accept the rings right now. Just look at it as that she can’t think of a time when the rings will be something to remind her of you instead of being able to see/talk to you when she wants. Tracey

Response:

Thanks to all for your replies….our bands are kind of wide, no way could two of them fit on her hand. It’s really not so much for the financial issue, but rather, for the emotional side of me…….I have my Mom’s rings, and I’d like to pass down something to my daughter……I had told my son and my daughter that whoever got engaged first could have my engagement diamond, but my daughter’s fiance went out and bought this overly elaborate ring.  So, my son gets my diamond. We can’t afford to pay for their wedding, and I thought this would, in some way, be a gift to be handed down…..I must admit my feelings were hurt by her rather unsubtle turndown. Tispe

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My daughter is engaged, and she and her fiance have to get a wedding band made to fit into a humongous engagement ring (it actually looks like an anniversary ring, rather than an engagement ring). I suggested to her that she take hubby and my plain solid gold bands to be melted down. Hi Tispe, Not sure what you mean whe you say "fit into an engagement ring." Could you expand on that for me?!  The ex and I had my original engagement ring upgraded a few times and I ended up with a fairly good sized ring. Good size in the sense that it was truly a cocktail ring with "braided baguette diamonds" (don’t know how else to describe it) and the band itself was very thick and heavy. I wore my original wedding band (just a think plain gold one) on one side of the ring and we had another matching band (inscribed with an Anniversary date in it) and I wore that on the other side of the "engagement ring". It was truly a sight to behold as it took up almost an inch on my finger. I used to play with the back of the bands with my thumb all the time Obviously, I don’t wear them anymore (I kept them in a trade and he kept the ATV!) but to this day, I still find myself rubbing my thumb over the spot where the bands used to be! Perhaps your daughter could wear a band on each side of her ring without them being melted down? Not only does this preserve your originals and they become heirlooms, but the look is awesome! Just a thought … Kath http://hometown.aol.com/justkathhere/myhomepage/personal.html

Response:

 I must admit my feelings were hurt by her rather  unsubtle turndown. Well, AFAIC, giving your daughter your rings is not something that you should give up on. You mention you have your mother’s rings and you wanted to do the same for your daughter. But what you’re wanting to do *isn’t* the same (unless your mother and father divorced and you ended up using the rings as your wedding/engagement rings.) I dunno, but I think there’s a big difference in using someone else’s wedding/engagement rings as your own when the reason that they’re available is because of divorce and not that the marriage has been ended by death. Not a bad luck kind of thing, but I can’t really explain why I think it’s different. Now, when it’s Great-Grandma Bessie’s rings, that’s another story. Tracey

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Now, when it’s Great-Grandma Bessie’s rings, that’s another story.

YES!  That’s why I suggested they not be melted down so that they will become heirlooms.  100 years from now our decendants probably aren’t going to care that gggrandma was divorced. 100 years from now none of us may be here anyway with the current world situation but that is an entirely different story. K http://hometown.aol.com/justkathhere/myhomepage/personal.html

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 Not a bad luck kind of thing, but I can’t really explain why  I think it’s different. Thought about it a bit and talked about it with DH and clarified my thinking about. IMO, it’s all about senti- mental value. My husband still has his ring from his first marriage and wouldn’t consider offering it to one of his sons from that marriage. That is to be given to his oldest son when my husband has passed. It will have sentimental value then, but it doesn’t now. Another example would be my sister’s wedding rings. She divorced 13 or 14 years before her death. At one point, she had decided to sell her wedding and engagement ring. My mother, who had always wanted a ‘better’ set of wedding rings, bought them from her and wore them for quite a few years. Until my sister died. Now they’re put away, to be given to one of her kids at a later date. Now, whether they will ever use them as their (more accurately, their wife’s) wedding rings is something that will be up to them. Another thing to consider is your daughter’s age. When we’re young, it’s difficult to think about the time when our parents’ won’t be there anymore. It’s difficult, IMO, to attach senti- mental value to a loved one’s possessions when they’re still around. So, I wouldn’t take it personally that she doesn’t accept the rings right now. Just look at it as that she can’t think of a time when the rings will be something to remind her of you instead of being able to see/talk to you when she wants. Tracey

Response:

I’m sure this has been brought up before, but I need a refresher…….I have many different "wedding" rings…some are the real thing, some are a mix of the real and the not real.  I want to continue to wear some of them after the divorce. My daughter is engaged, and she and her fiance have to get a wedding band made to fit into a humongous engagement ring (it actually looks like an anniversary ring, rather than an engagement ring).  I suggested to her that she take hubby and my plain solid gold bands to be melted down…….I also have diamonds from my mother’s rings that she may use if a jeweler thinks it’ll work. Can gold rings be melted down?  She is not keen on this, but since she and fiance have to pay for the wedding themselves, I thought this would serve three purposes…one to eliminate some wedding rings. two, allowing hubby and I to "pass down" our stuff, and three to save the kids some money.  Any ideas? Tispe

Response:

I had a friend who was horrified at the thought of wearing her mothers wedding gown or jewlrey based on the fact her mother and father were divorced, she believed it would be bad luck to wear any of it because of that. I think it was lovely of you to offer though. With weddings the best thing is to offer but don’t push after that or make them feel bad if they don’t want to take any suggestions, it’s their own wedding, let them make it what they dream of whether it makes any sense to you or not Maybe if she doesn’t want to use your rings for the wedding, you could save them for later or melt them down to be made into something else for a gift, like a necklace or such. I don’t think it’s actually any cheaper to create a new ring out of melted gold, as that’s how they create rings in the first place and it still has to be designed, but I’m sure a jewler could tell you. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m sure this has been brought up before, but I need a refresher…….I have many different "wedding" rings…some are the real thing, some are a mix of the real and the not real.  I want to continue to wear some of them after the divorce. My daughter is engaged, and she and her fiance have to get a wedding band made to fit into a humongous engagement ring (it actually looks like an anniversary ring, rather than an engagement ring).  I suggested to her that she take hubby and my plain solid gold bands to be melted down…….I also have diamonds from my mother’s rings that she may use if a jeweler thinks it’ll work. Can gold rings be melted down?  She is not keen on this, but since she and fiance have to pay for the wedding themselves, I thought this would serve three purposes…one to eliminate some wedding rings. two, allowing hubby and I to "pass down" our stuff, and three to save the kids some money.  Any ideas? Tispe

Response:

I work with gold and have done what you wish many times. I place a charge on melting and turning the ingot into a usable form.The saving is usually about 50% or higher on material  costs. A set of bands that would cost $1000 dollars from new material would cost $750.00 roughly from your own gold. Robert M. t

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m sure this has been brought up before, but I need a refresher…….I have many different "wedding" rings…some are the real thing, some are a mix of the real and the not real.  I want to continue to wear some of them after the divorce. My daughter is engaged, and she and her fiance have to get a wedding band made to fit into a humongous engagement ring (it actually looks like an anniversary ring, rather than an engagement ring).  I suggested to her that she take hubby and my plain solid gold bands to be melted down…….I also have diamonds from my mother’s rings that she may use if a jeweler thinks it’ll work. Can gold rings be melted down?  She is not keen on this, but since she and fiance have to pay for the wedding themselves, I thought this would serve three purposes…one to eliminate some wedding rings. two, allowing hubby and I to "pass down" our stuff, and three to save the kids some money. Any ideas? Tispe

Response:

That’s good to know! I had a jewler tell me it wouldn’t help much to save if I did that with mine to make something else, guess I’ll go find another jewler – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I work with gold and have done what you wish many times. I place a charge on melting and turning the ingot into a usable form.The saving is usually about 50% or higher on material  costs. A set of bands that would cost $1000 dollars from new material would cost $750.00 roughly from your own gold. Robert M. t I’m sure this has been brought up before, but I need a refresher…….I have many different "wedding" rings…some are the real thing, some are a mix of the real and the not real.  I want to continue to wear some of them after the divorce. My daughter is engaged, and she and her fiance have to get a wedding band made to fit into a humongous engagement ring (it actually looks like an anniversary ring, rather than an engagement ring).  I suggested to her that she take hubby and my plain solid gold bands to be melted down…….I also have diamonds from my mother’s rings that she may use if a jeweler thinks it’ll work. Can gold rings be melted down?  She is not keen on this, but since she and fiance have to pay for the wedding themselves, I thought this would serve three purposes…one to eliminate some wedding rings. two, allowing hubby and I to "pass down" our stuff, and three to save the kids some money. Any ideas? Tispe

Response:

My daughter is engaged, and she and her fiance have to get a wedding band made

to fit into a humongous engagement ring (it actually looks like an anniversary ring, rather than an engagement ring). I suggested to her that she take hubby and my plain solid gold bands to be melted down. Hi Tispe, Not sure what you mean whe you say "fit into an engagement ring." Could you expand on that for me?!  The ex and I had my original engagement ring upgraded a few times and I ended up with a fairly good sized ring. Good size in the sense that it was truly a cocktail ring with "braided baguette diamonds" (don’t know how else to describe it) and the band itself was very thick and heavy. I wore my original wedding band (just a think plain gold one) on one side of the ring and we had another matching band (inscribed with an Anniversary date in it) and I wore that on the other side of the "engagement ring". It was truly a sight to behold as it took up almost an inch on my finger. I used to play with the back of the bands with my thumb all the time Obviously, I don’t wear them anymore (I kept them in a trade and he kept the ATV!) but to this day, I still find myself rubbing my thumb over the spot where the bands used to be! Perhaps your daughter could wear a band on each side of her ring without them being melted down? Not only does this preserve your originals and they become heirlooms, but the look is awesome! Just a thought … Kath http://hometown.aol.com/justkathhere/myhomepage/personal.html

Response:

Question:

Not wanting to repeat the mistake of a few years ago when I got my wife (amongst other things) an iron, I ask the following question. When we were married 10 years ago things were tight and I couldn’t afford much in the way of a wedding ring. Now that things are better, I want to purchase a complete new engagement and wedding ring set that is much nicer, and give it too my wife for Christmas. I think this is a good idea, but then again, I thought the iron was a good idea too. So I ask the ladies, so I present her with a new ring set this way, or is that a bad idea?

I think it’s a nice gift, but a bad idea.  She’ll have no emotional investment in it.  If you’re going to do that sort of thing, I think you should choose it together.  Yes, she’ll know how much it costs if you do that, but if it’s coming out of household money, that’s only appropriate in any case. If you want to buy her a ring on your own, I think you should make it "just a ring" or an "anniversary ring," not try to link it emotionally with her wedding/engagement rings. — Beth Friedman

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If your wife is anything like mine, she’ll be enormously attached to her "real" wedding and engagement ring, no matter how plain. I personally would regard that as another mine field to be avoided.  Certainly don’t surprise her with it.  If you want to go ahead discuss it first.  Sure, it will spoil the surprise but better that than mumbled insincere "thanks" on Christmas day.

I would take Tim’s story of the misplaced wedding band and feign your own loss and tell her you may need to buy another. I’m sure her views on replacements will be voiced. I agree with Tim, big heart or not, don’t go for the surprise. After 33 years with the same bride there is always another dinner ring/stone that has delightful appeal.   — Caveat Lector "the further you go outside, the further you go inside" – B. McKibben Doug Freese

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JL, This is not a mistake. This is a very good idea. I was on the receiving end of a similar sweet gesture and this is what we did. We took the original ring set to a jeweler and had a pendant made of the gold and small diamond. Merry Christmas!! jojo

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Not wanting to repeat the mistake of a few years ago when I got my wife (amongst other things) an iron, I ask the following question. When we were married 10 years ago things were tight and I couldn’t afford much in the way of a wedding ring. Now that things are better, I want to purchase a complete new engagement and wedding ring set that is much nicer, and give it too my wife for Christmas. I think this is a good idea, but then again, I thought the iron was a good idea too. So I ask the ladies, so I present her with a new ring set this way, or is that a bad idea?

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I had the same question and think I arrived at the right answer (for us). There is no way you can "upgrade" the emotional value of the first set. So, I asked her to wear just the wedding ring while I had the engagement ring at the store to add a wrap around set of small diamonds on a band that was welded (I assume not by a guy in a black work coat and a welder’s helmet).  The end result was something we feel real good about.  It is "bigger" … "more expensive (total cost)" and retained everything I gave her to start. Roy, been there, done that and got the receipt. It’s JUST a ring. I lost my wedding ring while swimming in a lake, and as the search for it was unsuccesful I went and got my self a new one (same type and carvings). Never felt any different about the new one.

I think there may be a male/female thing here.  I lost my wedding ring for a few weeks once.  My wife wouldn’t hear of me buying a replacement (a plain wedding band) until we had given up all hope for the original.  Fortunately it turned up after a bit.  Personally, I’m just proud to wear the symbol, the ring itself is immaterial. Tim

Response:

Not wanting to repeat the mistake of a few years ago when I got my wife (amongst other things) an iron, I ask the following question. When we were married 10 years ago things were tight and I couldn’t afford much in the way of a wedding ring. Now that things are better, I want to purchase a complete new engagement and wedding ring set that is much nicer, and give it too my wife for Christmas.

If your wife is anything like mine, she’ll be enormously attached to her "real" wedding and engagement ring, no matter how plain. I personally would regard that as another mine field to be avoided.  Certainly don’t surprise her with it.  If you want to go ahead discuss it first.  Sure, it will spoil the surprise but better that than mumbled insincere "thanks" on Christmas day. I think this is a good idea, but then again, I thought the iron was a good idea too. So I ask the ladies, so I present her with a new ring set this way, or is that a bad idea?

Oops!  Looks like I’m disqualified.  Well, you can have my thoughts anyway. Cheers. Tim

Response:

–On Saturday, December 15, 2001 4:50 PM +0000 Roger 2k Pretty funny thread.  Maybe it should have been titled "Gift question for the ladies – humorous Judging from the replies, it should have been titled, "Gift question for the guys who already tried this with their ladies." L – Get the jewelry. Precious stones and metal are always the right color and they go with everything.

Funny L and Jarno! Yeah go with the gems. Diamonds are nice they go with everything!! hehehehe Laurie-

Response:

Not wanting to repeat the mistake of a few years ago when I got my wife (amongst other things) an iron, I ask the following question. When we were married 10 years ago things were tight and I couldn’t afford much in the way of a wedding ring. Now that things are better, I want to purchase a complete new engagement and wedding ring set that is much nicer, and give it too my wife for Christmas.

Is it an issue with her? or is it your perception? Perhaps it is important to both of you to symbolize how things are different now – or maybe not. But would she be just as happy with a cigar band (slight exaggeration here, but you know what I mean) if that was what you gave her on the special day? In the same way that there is only one first race, is there only one real wedding band? I think this is a good idea, but then again, I thought the iron was a good idea too.

ahh, I didn’t realize they still made clothes that required ironing – that probably tells you how big a block of salt you should take my ideas with We keep it informal here in Alaska. Seriously, I think the others (esp. Laurie, Lorne, TenKMan, and Leah) have made excellent suggestions regarding what might be nice – namely focus on what would be special for your wife – and you should know that better than anyone here -"different strokes for different folks" (TenKMan).  And as Laurie said, it doesn’t have to be anything purchased. Maybe it’s something special to do together – or getting out of the way, as Lorne put it. Good luck Dot

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I’ve always thought presents should be the sort of thing you wouldn’t buy for yourself – and that someone thinks you would love.  I have plenty of thing hanging in my closet, tucked away in a drawer that were well intended but not quite right, but… they still mean so much to me that I would never get rid of them.  I think your idea is a beautiful one – just make sure that it’s something she really wants.  Maybe there is so much sentiment tied up in her other rings that she wouldn’t want to stop wearing them. Maybe you could get her an anniversary ring instead – something she could wear on her other hand, that could be a symbol of where you’ve been, and where you are going.  Before spending a large sum of money on the new set, I would definitely probe a bit to find out her feelings about the original rings and whether she is really willing to move on to a new set…. but…. I still think it is a lovely idea and shows you care….  good luck! Heather

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Not only is jewelry ALWAYS the right gift, but you’ll probably get your belly rubbed on Christmas too.

Response:

Maybe you should have them write down 3 different options on a sheet of paper and then decide from that.

1. your undivided attention for 5 or 10 minutes. 2.  your company on a moonlight run. 3.  goretex

Response:

Maybe you should have them write down 3 different options on a sheet of paper and then decide from that. 1. your undivided attention for 5 or 10 minutes. 2.  your company on a moonlight run. 3.  goretex

My wife’s Christmas list 1. my undivided attention for more than 30 seconds at a time 2. a day with neither husband nor kidlets 3. chocolate Diamonds would be cool but ultimately she just wants her sanity back.   Everyone has a different Santa list.  Pander to your partner’s… — Lorne Sundby

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I know it is OT, but I also agree here. Each couple has different needs here. I for one would not need a penny spent on me. … oh heck go out and buy her a house…hehehehe Laurie, I know what he got you.  If it didn’t cost him a penny and you are happy, he must have got you a Credit Card.  ;-) When I got my first credit card, this girl at work kept joking about going to the store and helping me break it in.  I finally said, sure, but whatever we buy you have to wear it to work. Roger

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–On Saturday, December 15, 2001 4:50 PM +0000 Roger 2k Pretty funny thread.  Maybe it should have been titled "Gift question for the ladies – humorous

Judging from the replies, it should have been titled, "Gift question for the guys who already tried this with their ladies." L – Get the jewelry. Precious stones and metal are always the right color and they go with everything.

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I know it is OT, but I also agree here. Each couple has different needs here. I for one would not need a penny spent on me. In fact someone dear to me ( male) just gave me something money  could not buy. He knows my heart well, and  that is something I treasure. I am not going to say what he gave/did for me because people would not understand.  Some times what we do for one another is more important than what we buy. I am talking about myself and someone dear to me. I don’t think I am making any sense. hehehehehe   oh heck go out and buy her a house…hehehehe — Laurie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I agree with Prof in that you can’t upgrade an object of high emotional value. Same reason many people who can easily afford that new recliner or that new baseball cap, still stay with what they love.  I’d forget the wedding ring and MAYBE go with the engagement ring idea as Prof suggests. Losing something like Jarno did is completly different than an "upgrade" situation. Doug Burke I had the same question and think I arrived at the right answer (for us). There is no way you can "upgrade" the emotional value of the first set.  So, I asked her to wear just the wedding ring while I had the engagement ring at the store to add a wrap around set of small diamonds on a band that was welded (I assume not by a guy in a black work coat and a welder’s helmet).  The end result was something we feel real good about.  It is "bigger" … "more expensive (total cost)" and retained everything I gave her to start.  Roy, been there, done that and got the receipt.

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I agree with Prof in that you can’t upgrade an object of high emotional value. Same reason many people who can easily afford that new recliner or that new baseball cap, still stay with what they love.  I’d forget the wedding ring and MAYBE go with the engagement ring idea as Prof suggests. Losing something like Jarno did is completly different than an "upgrade" situation. Doug Burke – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I had the same question and think I arrived at the right answer (for us). There is no way you can "upgrade" the emotional value of the first set.  So, I asked her to wear just the wedding ring while I had the engagement ring at the store to add a wrap around set of small diamonds on a band that was welded (I assume not by a guy in a black work coat and a welder’s helmet).  The end result was something we feel real good about.  It is "bigger" … "more expensive (total cost)" and retained everything I gave her to start.  Roy, been there, done that and got the receipt.

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I had the same question and think I arrived at the right answer (for us). There is no way you can "upgrade" the emotional value of the first set.  So, I asked her to wear just the wedding ring while I had the engagement ring at the store to add a wrap around set of small diamonds on a band that was welded (I assume not by a guy in a black work coat and a welder’s helmet).  The end result was something we feel real good about.  It is "bigger" … "more expensive (total cost)" and retained everything I gave her to start. Roy, been there, done that and got the receipt.

It’s JUST a ring. I lost my wedding ring while swimming in a lake, and as the search for it was unsuccesful I went and got my self a new one (same type and carvings). Never felt any different about the new one. And it is kind of neat that the lake where we were on our honeymoon and wedding day anniversary hold such a precious treasure – somewhere in the mud. It’s just a ring. It’s the thought that counts. Jarno PS. Lucky me . I was swimming with my wife when the ring disappeared ) — The woods are lovely, dark and deep But I have promises to keep And miles to go before I sleep And miles to go before I sleep.  - Robert Frost

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So I ask the ladies, so I present her with a new ring set this way, or is that a bad idea?

A lot of male ladies here ) Jarno — The woods are lovely, dark and deep But I have promises to keep And miles to go before I sleep And miles to go before I sleep.  - Robert Frost

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But I’m just worried about having the new set replace the old set without a having new wedding ceremony.

Just make sure the presentation of the gift is done with some flair…in other words, don’t just let her unwrap it with all the other stuff.  Take her out to whatever place might have some special meaning to both of you, and with some words from your heart give her the new rings. If you do it right, it will have just as much meaning as if you were having another ceremony. Mike C

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Consider…. Planning a weekend away, renewing your vows and a short honeymoon. A place that she would pick, doing things she would enjoy. Leo – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – DH, That’s what I was thinking. But I’m just worried about having the new set replace the old set without a having new wedding ceremony. Thanks

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Speaking from where you’ve been – After I bought my wife a cell phone battery for Christmas a couple of years ago, she made something very clear about gift giving: "Never give a woman something she *needs*,  always give her something she *wants*. Sounds like the ring set is a good idea! dave I guess it depends on the lady.  My wife made me return stuff like jewelry and perfume and wanted stuff like running shoes and running clothes and nice kitchen stuff.  Different strokes for different folks.

Pretty funny thread.  Maybe it should have been titled "Gift question for the ladies – humorous" Maybe you should have them write down 3 different options on a sheet of paper and then decide from that.  On top of that, you might want them to include a list of 3 things they don’t want.  I don’t think it would hurt to talk about it, especially if a mistake has been made before. Lets see.  This was my highest mileage week since my last marathon.  Sm6, M1/2 full speed, Tm6, We6, Tm5-Te6, F0, Sm4  (m=morning, e-evening) Hmm, that’s still only 33 miles. Roger

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I had the same question and think I arrived at the right answer (for us). There is no way you can "upgrade" the emotional value of the first set.  So, I asked her to wear just the wedding ring while I had the engagement ring at the store to add a wrap around set of small diamonds on a band that was welded (I assume not by a guy in a black work coat and a welder’s helmet).  The end result was something we feel real good about.  It is "bigger" … "more expensive (total cost)" and retained everything I gave her to start.  Roy, been there, done that and got the receipt.

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DH, That’s what I was thinking. But I’m just worried about having the new set replace the old set without a having new wedding ceremony. Thanks – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Speaking from where you’ve been – After I bought my wife a cell phone battery for Christmas a couple of years ago, she made something very clear about gift giving: "Never give a woman something she *needs*,  always give her something she *wants*. Sounds like the ring set is a good idea! dave Not wanting to repeat the mistake of a few years ago when I got my wife (amongst other things) an iron, I ask the following question. When we were married 10 years ago things were tight and I couldn’t afford much in the way of a wedding ring. Now that things are better, I want to purchase a complete new engagement and wedding ring set that is much nicer, and give it too my wife for Christmas. I think this is a good idea, but then again, I thought the iron was a good idea too. So I ask the ladies, so I present her with a new ring set this way, or is that a bad idea?

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Speaking from where you’ve been – After I bought my wife a cell phone battery for Christmas a couple of years ago, she made something very clear about gift giving: "Never give a woman something she *needs*,  always give her something she *wants*. Sounds like the ring set is a good idea! dave

I guess it depends on the lady.  My wife made me return stuff like jewelry and perfume and wanted stuff like running shoes and running clothes and nice kitchen stuff.  Different strokes for different folks.

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Speaking from where you’ve been – After I bought my wife a cell phone battery for Christmas a couple of years ago, she made something very clear about gift giving: "Never give a woman something she *needs*,  always give her something she *wants*. Sounds like the ring set is a good idea! dave

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Not wanting to repeat the mistake of a few years ago when I got my wife (amongst other things) an iron, I ask the following question. When we were married 10 years ago things were tight and I couldn’t afford much in the way of a wedding ring. Now that things are better, I want to purchase a complete new engagement and wedding ring set that is much nicer, and give it too my wife for Christmas. I think this is a good idea, but then again, I thought the iron was a good idea too. So I ask the ladies, so I present her with a new ring set this way, or is that a bad idea?

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Not wanting to repeat the mistake of a few years ago when I got my wife (amongst other things) an iron, I ask the following question. When we were married 10 years ago things were tight and I couldn’t afford much in the way of a wedding ring. Now that things are better, I want to purchase a complete new engagement and wedding ring set that is much nicer, and give it too my wife for Christmas. I think this is a good idea, but then again, I thought the iron was a good idea too. So I ask the ladies, so I present her with a new ring set this way, or is that a bad idea?

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Question:

you posted this months ago, its the same old sales pitch.  BORING!!!!

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Also, someone mentioned the fact of wearing a ring "every day of my life" that is a fake. Well, she is not going to wear it daily, only when going out. I don’t think that many people are going to take a close look and examine it to see if it is a real diamond.

If she’s not going to wear it regularly, why does she need one at all? A plain gold band doesn’t cost much money. I think this has to do with girls being raised to put so much emphasis on the wedding day. Their rational judgement of the financial reality of it does not come into play, in many cases. I can’t blame her for this – this is how she was raised. Immature? Maybe a little. But in other ways, surrounding other financial matters, she’s more rational and understanding… I just think that where weddings and rings are concerned, many women are not very rational about it.

You’d be surprised. My MIL offered to pay for our rehearsal dinner.  She was from out of town, and asked me to look after the arrangements.  She sent me a deposit of $200, and I made the reservations. At the end of our rehearsal dinner, I asked to see the check.  The deposit had not been deducted from the total.  My MIL would have happily paid the full amount (about $400) and not thought it out of line. I asked the restaurant staff why the deposit had not been deducted from the total.  They feigned ignorance:  "Deposit?  What deposit?" "The deposit that I have the receipt for right here." "Ooops. Sorry." This was supposed to have been a time of high emotion for me, when I shouldn’t have been paying attention to nitty-gritty details. But the way I looked at it, it was almost a week’s pay, and I sure wasn’t going to let that be lost.  However, like I say, she feels it is IMPORTANT to have a nice ring and weddding. While I disagree, I do understand where she’s coming from, and so will provide it, no matter the cost. She’s worth it, and deserves it, since that’s what she wants.

Of course it’s important to have a nice wedding.  The arguments come when we start discussing the details.  I’m grateful that my DH and I were reading off the same page when we were planning our wedding. When one of the prongs broke on my engagement ring, after 11 years of wear, he offered to buy me a new setting.  I looked and looked, even at things that cost 10 times as much as the setting I had.  I opted to get a new head put on the old ring.  Why?  Because I still liked it the best of anything I’d seen, at any price. *That’s* the sort of ring you want to get for your fiancee.  One she’ll be happy to have for a long time. — aMAZon "It’s never too late to have a happy childhood."

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Nobody

wants a fake.<< Actually, I did. Diamonds, gemstones, whatever … they all meant nothing to me.  I worked in a jewelery store for about four years, and made up my mind then that when I got engaged, I wanted a cubic zirconia.  They look fine and, in my opinion, spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on a silly little diamond is ridiculous.  It’s the thought that counts, not the stone. Mary <who thinks her ring is gorgeous to Phil 6/23/2001

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I think any girl that demands a HUGE rock, is not worthy of my soul for the rest of her life.  If she doesn’t appreciate what you can afford, then, well…. heheehe I could never, ever tell someone i don’t like what they have chosen for me. That is so rude! UGH! I can’t believe there are people like that! sanguinia message The tacky part would be trying to sneak it in and tell her later!  And what if you decide not to tell her … she might take it to the jewelers one day for cleaning and they say something about it not being real!  I would stick to real diamonds.  Our jeweler was very helpful in picking out diamonds in our price range. The Invitation Lady

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Moissanite is a stone that has recently been discovered. 9 out of 10 jewelers cannot tell the difference between a moissanite and a diamond, AND it is almost as hard as a diamond. Since I am very low on cash, I am thinking of buying an engagement ring with one 3/4carat moissanite with 2 small .20 carat diamonds on the side. Of course, after I give her the ring, I will explain that since she wants a big wedding I had to cut corners on the ring, but I will replace it with a diamond when we can afford to… Has anyone done this? Is this too tacky? (I am only trying to keep us from having a huge debt, since the wedding is costing me – us – so much…) And she knows I am having to borrow the money for everything… Comments? Before you buy.

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The tacky part would be trying to sneak it in and tell her later!  And what if you decide not to tell her … she might take it to the jewelers one day for cleaning and they say something about it not being real!  I would stick to real diamonds.  Our jeweler was very helpful in picking out diamonds in our price range. The Invitation Lady – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Moissanite is a stone that has recently been discovered. 9 out of 10 jewelers cannot tell the difference between a moissanite and a diamond, AND it is almost as hard as a diamond. Since I am very low on cash, I am thinking of buying an engagement ring with one 3/4carat moissanite with 2 small .20 carat diamonds on the side. Of course, after I give her the ring, I will explain that since she wants a big wedding I had to cut corners on the ring, but I will replace it with a diamond when we can afford to… Has anyone done this? Is this too tacky? (I am only trying to keep us from having a huge debt, since the wedding is costing me – us – so much…) And she knows I am having to borrow the money for everything… Comments? Before you buy.

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Moissanite is a stone that has recently been discovered. 9 out of 10 jewelers cannot tell the difference between a moissanite and a diamond, AND it is almost as hard as a diamond. Since I am very low on cash, I am thinking of buying an engagement ring with one 3/4carat moissanite with 2 small .20 carat diamonds on the side. Of course, after I give her the ring, I will explain that since she wants a big wedding I had to cut corners on the ring, but I will replace it with a diamond when we can afford to… Has anyone done this? Is this too tacky? (I am only trying to keep us from having a huge debt, since the wedding is costing me – us – so much…) And she knows I am having to borrow the money for

everything… What bothers me here is not the "fake" stone — I’m not a diamond fan anyway — but presenting it with an explanation of "Beloved, since you’re demanding such an expensive wedding, you’ll have to settle for second best on an engagement ring." That rather seems to take the fun out of getting one. I don’t mean that you ought to bust the bank for a big rock! But it might be wise to negotiate *reasonable* costs for the event as a whole before investing in an engagement ring at all. If your intended bride is not mature enough to understand that, if you take out loans to pay for the wedding, *her* standard of living is going to revolve around paying those loans off, she might not be ready for marriage. And if the two of you can’t at least agree on what is right for the wedding, how are you going to agree on sensible finances afterwards? I see nothing wrong with giving a faux stone (I don’t go around inspecting my friends’ engagement rings under a jeweler’s loupe), but it should not be given in the spirit of resentment. Wende Before you buy.

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I would talk to her first before you buy, say look honey, I know you want a big wedding but with a big wedding, I can;t afford a big ring.  What would you prefer?  This Moissanite, or perhaps sapphire?  I promise on our —- year anniversary I will get you the ring you want.  For instance my honey got me a nice diamond ring but it wasn’t quite as large as I would have liked but perfect my age and our stature.  I have a choice of on our 1 and 5 year anniversary a new ring or a trip to Europe.  I am personally going to wait till 5 yrs.  for the ring and head to Europe sooner…  Another option is that you may Go to Zales and find a diamond ring for 200 – 500.00 they will be promise ring size, but diamond nonetheless. Katie — Ian & Katie

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Moissanite is a stone that has recently been discovered. 9 out of 10 jewelers cannot tell the difference between a moissanite and a diamond, AND it is almost as hard as a diamond. Since I am very low on cash, I am thinking of buying an engagement ring with one 3/4carat moissanite with 2 small .20 carat diamonds on the side. Of course, after I give her the ring, I will explain that since she wants a big wedding I had to cut corners on the ring, but I will replace it with a diamond when we can afford to… Has anyone done this? Is this too tacky? (I am only trying to keep us from having a huge debt, since the wedding is costing me – us – so much…) And she knows I am having to borrow the money for everything… You migh want to read up on DeBeers to strengthen your resolve to not buy a diamond.  A good web page is http://people.ne.mediaone.net/ben_inker/DeBeers.htm I have a moissonite stone set in an antique ring and no one can tell it is not the original diamond.  Most people are not going to scrutinize the stone up close or have a jeweler’s loop and those that would are probably not the type of people you would want to be associated with anyway.  What would be tacky is to lie that the stone is a real diamond. If your honey has her heart set on a diamond-like stone, get a moissonite. However, other gem stones work well and I prefer sapphires myself.  The diamond engagement ring is a modern invention and the stones in the wedding rings I have from deceased grandparents are peridot which is a very inexpensive stone.

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What are you doing back here posting when just two days ago you  told your alt.newlywed emotional support group that in light of the recent professional problems with a client of yours named Valerie Wilson, you were taking a break from the newsgroups?  Some "break".  You have no shame.  You took $1066.00 of this woman’s money, promised her a delivery date of her proofs in the contract, never returned her emails or her phone calls when you missed that delivery date, called her a liar on a newsgroup, and threatened her with legal action if she continues to post about you on UseNet.  You hung up on her twice because you are socially maladroit.  $1066 for just the negatives. No proofs, CD of proofs, no album.   Just wait until Valerie finds out how much it will cost her to print those negatives. Your behavior is suspiciously like those pretend pro photographers who don’t have enough money to pay their lab bills from client to client. File, Valerie!  File! — No clever arrangement of bad eggs will make a good omelet.     C.S. Lewis Before you buy.

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IMO, they are WAY tacky…it is a glorified cubic zirconium. Any jeweler worth his certification can tell it is fake. If you cannot afford to give her the diamond you want, at least give her a REAL gemstone..be it a smaller diamond, or a saphire, or whatever.  Nobody wants a fake. -L. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Moissanite is a stone that has recently been discovered. 9 out of 10 jewelers cannot tell the difference between a moissanite and a diamond, AND it is almost as hard as a diamond. Since I am very low on cash, I am thinking of buying an engagement ring with one 3/4carat moissanite with 2 small .20 carat diamonds on the side. Of course, after I give her the ring, I will explain that since she wants a big wedding I had to cut corners on the ring, but I will replace it with a diamond when we can afford to… Has anyone done this? Is this too tacky? (I am only trying to keep us from having a huge debt, since the wedding is costing me – us – so much…) And she knows I am having to borrow the money for everything… Comments? Before you buy.

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Moissanite is a stone that has recently been discovered. 9 out of 10 jewelers cannot tell the difference between a moissanite and a diamond, AND it is almost as hard as a diamond. Since I am very low on cash, I am thinking of buying an engagement ring with one 3/4carat moissanite with 2 small .20 carat diamonds on the side. Of course, after I give her the ring, I will explain that since she wants a big wedding I had to cut corners on the ring, but I will replace it with a diamond when we can afford to… Has anyone done this? Is this too tacky? (I am only trying to keep us from having a huge debt, since the wedding is costing me – us – so much…) And she knows I am having to borrow the money for everything…

You migh want to read up on DeBeers to strengthen your resolve to not buy a diamond.  A good web page is http://people.ne.mediaone.net/ben_inker/DeBeers.htm I have a moissonite stone set in an antique ring and no one can tell it is not the original diamond.  Most people are not going to scrutinize the stone up close or have a jeweler’s loop and those that would are probably not the type of people you would want to be associated with anyway.  What would be tacky is to lie that the stone is a real diamond. If your honey has her heart set on a diamond-like stone, get a moissonite. However, other gem stones work well and I prefer sapphires myself.  The diamond engagement ring is a modern invention and the stones in the wedding rings I have from deceased grandparents are peridot which is a very inexpensive stone.

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I would disagree.  Moissanites are very nice stones, much nicer than CZ to look at.  They "flash" with light like diamonds, and they cost about 1/10th as much.  The problem comes when you try to pass one off as something it’s not.

I didn’t say it *was* a CZ…I said it is a *glorified* CZ…which essentially is what it is…a fake diamond, just like a CZ… Fake is fake. Do bear in mind that the vast majority of "real" gemstones on the market are either created in factories or are artificially treated.

IMO, those are tacky too.  If it isn’t mined, it isn’t real. -L.

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I fully recommend that couples choose rings together. One person’s gaudy is another person’s beautiful.  Also, although one’s taste in every-day jewelry might be predictable, a wedding and engagement ring is something to be considered as special.  I, personally, chose something more conservative (and traditional) than what I normally wear, knowing full and well I wanted it to be in style when I was 80… If DH had bought me something I didn’t like, I probably would have kept it anyway, as it was from him. -L. — We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals. — Immanuel Kant (1724-1804)

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I could never, ever tell someone i don’t like what they have chosen for me. That is so rude! UGH! I can’t believe there are people like that! Well, in general, no, I wouldn’t tell either.  But I would hope that in an engagement/wedding situation that first of all, you both realize that this is something that you’ll wear every day for the rest of your life and you want something that suits your tastes and style.  Second of all, I’d hope that you’d be able to express that it’s not to your taste without being offensive about it (e.g.:  "Honey, it’s a lovely ring, but it’s not quite my style" as opposed to "This ring sucks – couldn’t you pick out something nicer").  Finally, I’d hope that the giver would be understanding that the desire for a different ring is not a rejection of the proposal or the person. if the person who was proposing to you was the right one, you wouldn’t have to tell them you didn’t like it, b/c they would have chosen what you would have wanted anyway. On the other hand, this is a bad expectation to have.  It’s a short slide from this to "if you really loved me, you’d know what I like w/out my having to tell you".  Not a good basis for a sound relationship.  A level of expectation that a man wouldn’t buy his quiet, subdued fiance a gaudy ring is fine.  But then again, some guys just don’t get it.  I know my husband was pretty clueless about what I really liked until I actually showed him what I liked – but then again I don’t wear much jewelry on a regular basis, so he had nothing to judge by. Karen Before you buy.

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I think this has to do with girls being raised to put so much emphasis on the wedding day. Their rational judgement of the financial reality of it does not come into play, in many cases.

Oh yeah,  We girls just sit around having manicures and watching Oprah. We’re pretty lame at all that manly financial stuff.  Most of us don’t care to be bothered.  <flutters lashes and changes the channel Are you serious?? For example, one friend of mine recently got married, and even though they only make around $50k a year, each, she felt that spending $15,000 of the inheritance he had recently gotten on a big wedding was justified.

She didn’t go into debt.  She spent money she *already* had.  Sounds fine to me.  Perfect, actually.  She is MUCH smarter, financially, than the idiot with a $50 K a year job who puts the wedding on plastic. . She’s worth it, and deserves it, since that’s what she wants.

Or maybe you could convince her to open her eyes and take a quick peek at the real world.  A smart, aware woman tends to make a better spouse than a sheltered little girl who needs to be coddled and shielded from the big mean world. My two cents. Donna

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I could never, ever tell someone i don’t like what they have chosen for me. That is so rude! UGH! I can’t believe there are people like that!

Well, in general, no, I wouldn’t tell either.  But I would hope that in an engagement/wedding situation that first of all, you both realize that this is something that you’ll wear every day for the rest of your life and you want something that suits your tastes and style.  Second of all, I’d hope that you’d be able to express that it’s not to your taste without being offensive about it (e.g.:  "Honey, it’s a lovely ring, but it’s not quite my style" as opposed to "This ring sucks – couldn’t you pick out something nicer").  Finally, I’d hope that the giver would be understanding that the desire for a different ring is not a rejection of the proposal or the person. if the person who was proposing to you was the right one, you wouldn’t have to tell them you didn’t like it, b/c they would have chosen what you would have wanted anyway.

On the other hand, this is a bad expectation to have.  It’s a short slide from this to "if you really loved me, you’d know what I like w/out my having to tell you".  Not a good basis for a sound relationship.  A level of expectation that a man wouldn’t buy his quiet, subdued fiance a gaudy ring is fine.  But then again, some guys just don’t get it.  I know my husband was pretty clueless about what I really liked until I actually showed him what I liked – but then again I don’t wear much jewelry on a regular basis, so he had nothing to judge by. Karen Before you buy.

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Moissanite is a stone that has recently been discovered. 9 out of 10 jewelers cannot tell the difference between a moissanite and a

diamond, 10 out of 10 smart jewellers have bought a moissanite tester. Moissanite conducts ultraviolet light differently to diamond; a relatively inexpensive machine can give a conclusive test.  Believe me, it wasn’t long after the created moissanites came on the market before people got the idea of buying expensive diamond rings, replacing the stones and going back saying, "I’m afraid that my girlfriend turned down my proposal.  Can I return the ring?  I’ve got the receipt…" AND it is almost as hard as a diamond. Since I am very low on cash, I am thinking of buying an engagement ring with one 3/4carat moissanite with 2 small .20 carat diamonds on the side. Of course, after I give her the ring, I will explain that since she wants a big wedding I had to cut corners on the ring, but I will replace it with a diamond when we can afford to… Has anyone done this? Is this too tacky? (I am only trying to keep us from having a huge debt, since the wedding is costing me – us – so much…) And she knows I am having to borrow the money for

everything… I appreciate your sentiments, and moissanites can be very, very nice. An expensive diamond ring can be a hell of a burden on your finances. However, we are not the people to ask; the lady who is receiving the ring is the one you should put this to.  Many people are emotional about diamonds, and she may not appreciate what she may perceive as a fake diamond rather than a beautiful stone in it’s own right. My own engagement ring is a white gold band set with a pretty blue topaz.  We could not afford a beautiful diamond and I decided I’d rather have something else that looked nice but wouldn’t put our finances under so much pressure. -Elena

Response:

Actually, a smaller diamond is well in the price range of a large moissanite ring…this stuff (moissanite) isn’t inexpensive…but IMO, you are paying a lot of money for a synthetic imitation – like I said…a glorified CZ.  The hype over these things in incredible…and what it does is suck in the gullible consumer who wants the "look" of an expensive stone without the quality.  Yuck!  A fake is a fake, regardless of how "good" it

looks. I would disagree.  Moissanites are very nice stones, much nicer than CZ to look at.  They "flash" with light like diamonds, and they cost about 1/10th as much.  The problem comes when you try to pass one off as something it’s not. Do bear in mind that the vast majority of "real" gemstones on the market are either created in factories or are artificially treated. Most sapphires in your local jeweller are likely to be lab-created, as are most rubies and emeralds.  Flawed stones are treated to minimise the look of the flaw.  Other stones are treated with heat or radiation to change the colour. -Elena

Response:

Wrong.  I said it was WAY TACKY…two completely different statements. Yes, I have seen them…in disreputable jewelry stores in Raleigh.  They look too perfect…too shiny and too clear…just like a fake diamond. Anyone who knows anything about real diamonds (with or without a loop) can tell they are fake.  I knew they were looking at them from 5 paces back….and I am just a consumer…. -L. — We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals. — Immanuel Kant (1724-1804) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – drwende, Lyn says that moissanites are "way fake".

Response:

I think this has to do with girls being raised to put so much emphasis on the wedding day. Their rational judgement of the financial reality of it does not come into play, in many cases. I can’t blame her for this – this is how she was raised. Immature? Maybe a little. But in other ways, surrounding other financial matters, she’s more rational and understanding… I just think that where weddings and rings are concerned, many women are not very rational about it.

If this is how you’re treating her — that "because she wants x and y, I will bend the rules so she has x and y but only sort of" but then saying that she’s immature and doesn’t understand the financial reality, I would beg to differ. If your fiance is rational, you should ask her what she wants, because she can probably come up with better options that you can, or she will let you know in no uncertain terms that the ring you have chosen is perfectly wonderful. If she’s not rational, I have no idea why you’d be marrying her. For example, one friend of mine recently got married, and even though they only make around $50k a year, each, she felt that spending $15,000 of the inheritance he had recently gotten on a big wedding was justified. To me, that is just wasteful and crazy.

Some people firmly believe that "found money" shouldn’t be used for bills, and it should be used for something wonderful they wouldn’t have had.  I wouldn’t say it’s wasteful and crazy at all. They could have used it toward the house they just bought. Likewise, I’d rather keep the $5-7,000 I’m going to spend on all this, and use it toward a downpayment on a house at some point in the future. However, like I say, she feels it is IMPORTANT to have a nice ring and weddding. While I disagree, I do understand where she’s coming from, and so will provide it, no matter the cost. She’s worth it, and deserves it, since that’s what she wants.

"no matter what the cost" ??? "while I disagree" ??? "since that’s what she wants" ??? Part of planning a wedding is learning about how to work together and compromise and build a consensus. It has nothing to do with manipulation or game playing or misrepresenting a gift.  I strongly hope you and she sit down with a calculator and talk.  There’s nothing romantic about starting your life out together in a huge pit of debt eating mac and cheese because of a bunch of stupid, selfish decisions.

Response:

I am curious: Have you actually seen a moissanite ring? Could you tell the difference without a jeweler’s loup? Could a jeweler tell the difference without a loup?

Yes, I have seen them…in a disreputable jewelry store where I used to live.  They look too perfect…too shiny and too clear…just like a fake diamond.  Anyone who knows anything about real diamonds (with or without a loop) can tell they are fake.  I knew they were, looking at them from 5 paces back….and I am just a consumer….If a jeweler cannot tell, he/she isn’t a good jeweler….and there are a lot of bad jewelers out ther…. Any jeweler worth his certification can tell it is fake. Apparently, according to tv news exposes, many cannot.

News exposes, or moissanite hype?  True moissanite was created from an astral collision and is *extremely* expensive (and AFAIK, not on the market).  The moissanite they are marketing is synthetic…and looks it (at least to me…) If you cannot afford to give her the diamond you want, at least give her a REAL gemstone..be it a smaller diamond, or a saphire, or whatever. Nobody wants a fake. I respect your opinion. I think many women probably agree that they wouldn’t want a fake diamond. However, I don’t think it’s true that "Nobody" wants a fake. Some I think would say, "Hey, it looks just like a diamond; it’s beautiful; and it was given in the spirit of love, so I like it." Maybe?

Perhaps, but IMO, nobody with any class. However, I have not yet looked at a moissanite. If they look very fake to the naked eye, then I won’t buy it. Also, if she doesn’t like it, I’ll take it back and replace it with a natural gemstone or a smaller, low-quality (low cost) diamond. At any rate, I will replace it when we have paid off the wedding and honeymoon and have some money to spend.

I think you better ask her beforehand.  Don’t spring a fake diamond on her, unless you want her to be terribly disappointed. Also, someone mentioned the fact of wearing a ring "every day of my life" that is a fake. Well, she is not going to wear it daily, only when going out. I don’t think that many people are going to take a close look and examine it to see if it is a real diamond.

If it is an engagment ring, most women wear them all the time…and barely ever remove them.  No, nobody will examine it to see if it is a real diamond, but if it is clear and sparkly and "too perfect" it will look like a fake diamond, even from a few feet away. However, you do make a good point. I would prefer to buy a real diamond. I just hate to spend $2000 or more, when – due to circumstances with our families – I am going to have to pay for the entire wedding, reception, honeymoon – everything – out of MY pocket. It’s already going to cost me several thousand dollars, minimum, for the wedding, reception, and honeymoon. I don’t resent that, it’s just the reality of the situation, and I am trying to cut corners where I can. My fiancee has dreamed of a big wedding and a beautifu ring her whole life, so I want go give that to her, even if I have to go into debt for it – and she is aware of that, feels it’s worth it.

You need to find out how she feels about having a ring that is fake… I think this has to do with girls being raised to put so much emphasis on the wedding day. Their rational judgement of the financial reality of it does not come into play, in many cases. I can’t blame her for this – this is how she was raised. Immature? Maybe a little. But in other ways, surrounding other financial matters, she’s more rational and understanding… I just think that where weddings and rings are concerned, many women are not very rational about it.

IMO, having a big huge, extravagant wedding is not what makes you married…nor is having a big, huge extravagant ring.  What makes you married is how you feel about each other.  Sounds like you and she need to have a heart-to-heart to discuss the reality of the wedding budget, and what is worth toning down and what is worth spending more on.  Starting your life together deeply in debt is something you may regret for many years to come… For example, one friend of mine recently got married, and even though they only make around $50k a year, each, she felt that spending $15,000 of the inheritance he had recently gotten on a big wedding was justified. To me, that is just wasteful and crazy. They could have used it toward the house they just bought. Likewise, I’d rather keep the $5-7,000 I’m going to spend on all this, and use it toward a downpayment on a house at some point in the future. However, like I say, she feels it is IMPORTANT to have a nice ring and weddding. While I disagree, I do understand where she’s coming from, and so will provide it, no matter the cost. She’s worth it, and deserves it, since that’s what she wants

Have you talked about compromises?  You can have a beautiful, meaningful, wonderful wedding and not go deeply in debt.  Many people do it all the time…and it sounds like the two of you have not discussed compromises… -L.

Response:

IMO, they are WAY tacky…it is a glorified cubic zirconium.

I am curious: Have you actually seen a moissanite ring? Could you tell the difference without a jeweler’s loup? Could a jeweler tell the difference without a loup? Any jeweler worth his certification can tell it is fake.

Apparently, according to tv news exposes, many cannot. If you cannot afford to give her the diamond you want, at least give her a REAL gemstone..be it a smaller diamond, or a saphire, or whatever. Nobody wants a fake.

I respect your opinion. I think many women probably agree that they wouldn’t want a fake diamond. However, I don’t think it’s true that "Nobody" wants a fake. Some I think would say, "Hey, it looks just like a diamond; it’s beautiful; and it was given in the spirit of love, so I like it." Maybe? However, I have not yet looked at a moissanite. If they look very fake to the naked eye, then I won’t buy it. Also, if she doesn’t like it, I’ll take it back and replace it with a natural gemstone or a smaller, low-quality (low cost) diamond. At any rate, I will replace it when we have paid off the wedding and honeymoon and have some money to spend. Also, someone mentioned the fact of wearing a ring "every day of my life" that is a fake. Well, she is not going to wear it daily, only when going out. I don’t think that many people are going to take a close look and examine it to see if it is a real diamond. However, you do make a good point. I would prefer to buy a real diamond. I just hate to spend $2000 or more, when – due to circumstances with our families – I am going to have to pay for the entire wedding, reception, honeymoon – everything – out of MY pocket. It’s already going to cost me several thousand dollars, minimum, for the wedding, reception, and honeymoon. I don’t resent that, it’s just the reality of the situation, and I am trying to cut corners where I can. My fiancee has dreamed of a big wedding and a beautifu ring her whole life, so I want go give that to her, even if I have to go into debt for it – and she is aware of that, feels it’s worth it. I think this has to do with girls being raised to put so much emphasis on the wedding day. Their rational judgement of the financial reality of it does not come into play, in many cases. I can’t blame her for this – this is how she was raised. Immature? Maybe a little. But in other ways, surrounding other financial matters, she’s more rational and understanding… I just think that where weddings and rings are concerned, many women are not very rational about it. For example, one friend of mine recently got married, and even though they only make around $50k a year, each, she felt that spending $15,000 of the inheritance he had recently gotten on a big wedding was justified. To me, that is just wasteful and crazy. They could have used it toward the house they just bought. Likewise, I’d rather keep the $5-7,000 I’m going to spend on all this, and use it toward a downpayment on a house at some point in the future. However, like I say, she feels it is IMPORTANT to have a nice ring and weddding. While I disagree, I do understand where she’s coming from, and so will provide it, no matter the cost. She’s worth it, and deserves it, since that’s what she wants. Before you buy.

Response:

drwende, You seem to have misunderstood, or perhaps I didn’t explain well. I do not RESENT having to pay for the wedding or the ring, it’s just an economic reality that I cannot afford both, and like one person said, since the wedding is something that cannot be re-done, and the ring is, I think it makes more sense to buy a cheaper ring in order to have the wedding she wants. IF she feels the moissanite is ugly, or doesn’t "feel right" about having a synthetic diamond, I will replace it; I’ll buy it with a 30-day return guarantee. I understand that many women are very emotional about weddings and rings, my fiancee included. Some say, "If it’s fake, I don’t want it". But if one cannot tell the difference without a jeweler’s loop, what difference does it make? Is it a beautiful ring? To me, that is all that "should" matter. Lyn says that moissanites are "way fake". I haven’t yet seen one. If that is the case – that it does not look like a diamond to the average person, or to me (I’ve been looking at diamonds and know what they look like!), then I won’t even buy it. However, if it looks just like a diamond, then I think it is a reasonable way of putting more money towards the wedding without having another grand or two of debt. But it seems to me, the bottom line is, "Is it a beautiful ring?" If it quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, then it’s probably a duck! (or a damned good imitation!) Before you buy.

Response:

For instance my honey got me a nice diamond ring but it wasn’t quite as large as I would have liked but perfect my age and our stature.

I was in the same boat.  Both of us were in college when we bought our rings and our budget was small.  Through the jeweler we were able to see different sizes and clarity within our range.  I just got a new diamond this year, 6 years after we were married as my mother’s day and anniversary present.   It was well worth the wait!  By keeping the same ring and setting, we were able to afford a much larger and clearer stone.  I went from .23 carat small flawed stone to a .61 beauty. I’m sure your fiancee will be willing to wait for a nicer diamond in order to have a big wedding now.  Tell her this –  she can always get a bigger diamond later but will you guys really ever get married again to have a big wedding? NO!  The time for the big wedding would have to be now. Good luck, and just be honest with her!! The Invitation Lady

Response:

Moissanite is a stone that has recently been discovered. 9 out of 10 jewelers cannot tell the difference between a moissanite and a diamond, AND it is almost as hard as a diamond. Since I am very low on cash, I am thinking of buying an engagement ring with one 3/4carat moissanite with 2 small .20 carat diamonds on the side. Of course, after I give her the ring, I will explain that since she wants a big wedding I had to cut corners on the ring, but I will replace it with a diamond when we can afford to… Has anyone done this? Is this too tacky? (I am only trying to keep us from having a huge debt, since the wedding is costing me – us – so much…) And she knows I am having to borrow the money for everything… Comments? Before you buy.

Response:

I could never, ever tell someone i don’t like what they have chosen for me. That is so rude! UGH! I can’t believe there are people like that!

Well…..if my fiance had gone out and bought me some big gaudy ring in yellow gold or some such….you had better believe that we would be exchanging it for something a little more my speed—especially since I will be wearing it every day for the rest of my life.     I think when it comes to engagements, the RUDE thing is to not have a pretty good idea of what the person you are proposing to would like.     Now, we avoided the whole problem by choosing each of our own engagement rings after we settled the proposal.   You would hope that a. someone would not propose without at least a general idea of what their SO would like and b.  if the person who was proposing to you was the right one, you wouldn’t have to tell them you didn’t like it, b/c they would have chosen what you would have wanted anyway.     But sometimes that doesn’t happen……. Anna L. Bunce Before you buy.

Response:

Actually, a smaller diamond is well in the price range of a large moissanite ring…this stuff (moissanite) isn’t inexpensive…but IMO, you are paying a lot of money for a synthetic imitation – like I said…a glorified CZ.  The hype over these things in incredible…and what it does is suck in the gullible consumer who wants the "look" of an expensive stone without the quality.  Yuck!  A fake is a fake, regardless of how "good" it looks. Why not spend the money you would have spent on a 1ct. moissanite, and get a nice 1/2 ct. diamond (or whatever the equivalent is…)?  I don’t know anyone who would want *any* fake gemstone…especially as an engagement ring…Why bother?   You might as well wear costume jewelry.   I personally would rather do without a gem at all (and opt for a plain gold ring) than to have a "fake". I agree with Katie in that the ONE thing you SHOULD do, is ask her what her feelings are on the subject….don’t just spring a fake stone on her.  If she likes the look and the shine of a big ole fat diamond – but doesn’t care about the quality or value – a moissanite might be okay to her.  On the other hand, she may be of the school that nothing but the real thing will do… Another thing I suggest you do is go to a well-established neighborhood jeweler with a good reputation.  He should be able to tell you what the current market value of a diamond is, and should be able to show you nice rings (diamonds, mined gemstones, or whatever) in your price range.  Buy the stone separately if you can, and get it set.  Avoid large chains and "mall" jewelry stores…they are bad news. Good luck! -L. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I would talk to her first before you buy, say look honey, I know you want a big wedding but with a big wedding, I can;t afford a big ring.  What would you prefer?  This Moissanite, or perhaps sapphire?  I promise on our —- year anniversary I will get you the ring you want.  For instance my honey got me a nice diamond ring but it wasn’t quite as large as I would have liked but perfect my age and our stature.  I have a choice of on our 1 and 5 year anniversary a new ring or a trip to Europe.  I am personally going to wait till 5 yrs.  for the ring and head to Europe sooner…  Another option is that you may Go to Zales and find a diamond ring for 200 – 500.00 they will be promise ring size, but diamond nonetheless. Katie — Ian & Katie Moissanite is a stone that has recently been discovered. 9 out of 10 jewelers cannot tell the difference between a moissanite and a diamond, AND it is almost as hard as a diamond. Since I am very low on cash, I am thinking of buying an engagement ring with one 3/4carat moissanite with 2 small .20 carat diamonds on the side. Of course, after I give her the ring, I will explain that since she wants a big wedding I had to cut corners on the ring, but I will replace it with a diamond when we can afford to… Has anyone done this? Is this too tacky? (I am only trying to keep us from having a huge debt, since the wedding is costing me – us – so much…) And she knows I am having to borrow the money for everything… You migh want to read up on DeBeers to strengthen your resolve to not buy a diamond.  A good web page is http://people.ne.mediaone.net/ben_inker/DeBeers.htm I have a moissonite stone set in an antique ring and no one can tell it is not the original diamond.  Most people are not going to scrutinize the stone up close or have a jeweler’s loop and those that would are probably not the type of people you would want to be associated with anyway.  What would be tacky is to lie that the stone is a real diamond. If your honey has her heart set on a diamond-like stone, get a moissonite. However, other gem stones work well and I prefer sapphires myself.  The diamond engagement ring is a modern invention and the stones in the wedding rings I have from deceased grandparents are peridot which is a very inexpensive stone.

Response:

Question:

mephisto mephi…@noemail.com wrote:

I had an experience today that caused me to think of an analogy: Rings on a tree and rings on a woman. I had to go to an office to attend to some paperwork stuff and the woman there who assisted, I noticed, had three engagment rings on the third finger of her right hand…no wedding band, and no rings on her left hand. I thought about the stories behind those rings and wondered why she wore all three.  Memories? Trophies? Reminders?

Optional solution: ask her. CJ

Response:

I had an experience today that caused me to think of an analogy: Rings on a tree and rings on a woman.

Sleeper slee…@anon.com wrote:

Put that axe down and get therapy!

LOL.

Response:

Jadelee111512 <jadelee111…@aol.com

wrote in message

news:20010531154240.11795.00001629@ng-ft1.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -

From: mephisto I thought about the stories behind those rings and wondered why she wore all three.  Memories? Trophies? Reminders? How do you know that they were engagement rings? Could they just be rings

that

she liked and bought at an estate sale or something?  I have been married

for 8

years, don’t have an engagement ring..however I have worn my grandmother’s engagement ring for a while.  I don’t wear a wedding band anymore either…although I wear these three plain, thin, silver rings on my

wedding

finger (whatever that is called I think that to some of us, rings really mean nothing or at least, very

little.

 I am just not a jewlery person and that is probably due to the fact that

my

dad was a jeweler and I had more jewelery as a young girl than I could

handle.

For the last 3 or 4 years I only wear silver and little of it which is why

I

don’t wear my wedding band anymore (it’s gold). jadelee

I always loved silver, but could never wear it.  My glasses always were that "goldtone" wire, and I felt silly wearing anything silver with that.  My wedding and engagement ring are gold, but there’s no way in hell I could take them off.  I switched them around, and now they’re stuck.

Response:

mephisto <mephi…@noemail.com

wrote in message

news:g0edht8kltuoluvoesl3oo4d270hk6niet@4ax.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -

On Thu, 31 May 2001 19:46:31 GMT, floridanew…@hotmail.com (floridaNB) wrote: Why not ask her if there is some significance to the way she wears her rings. It was a one-time encounter.   I suppose I could call that office, ask to speak to her, and say I’m "conducting a survey…" Are you certain they are all engagement rings?  With diamonds??  How does she get ‘em all on … real long fingers? They sure looked like engagement rings…different shapes, styles, all with diamonds.  They were all at different angles on her finger, so that the diamonds didn’t keep the rings pushed far apart. It looked odd…and uncomfortable.  That’s why I wondered why she wore all of them…it sure looked like it would feel uncomfortable. So I wondered if it was, as Rebecca said, a display of scalps, or maybe a way of carrying around one’s portable wealth.

I thought about that later (I need help, I know).  I know someone my own age who wears an engagement ring on her right hand.  She was engaged for a year, but it did not culminate to a wedding because her fiance was killed. Hence, she keeps the ring, but not on the left hand.

But it caused me to wonder, in general terms, about the practice of a woman keeping an engagement ring if the relationship ends.  It seems the ring would, in many cases, evoke bad memories.  So does it serve as a form of tribute?  Forfeiture of deposit?

See above.

Response:

mephisto wrote:

I had an experience today that caused me to think of an analogy: Rings on a tree and rings on a woman.

Put that axe down and get therapy! Sleeper

Response:

On Thu, 31 May 2001 21:38:50 GMT, mephisto <mephi…@noemail.com

wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -

On Thu, 31 May 2001 19:46:31 GMT, floridanew…@hotmail.com (floridaNB) wrote: Why not ask her if there is some significance to the way she wears her rings.   It was a one-time encounter.   I suppose I could call that office, ask to speak to her, and say I’m "conducting a survey…" Are you certain they are all engagement rings?  With diamonds??  How does she get ‘em all on … real long fingers? They sure looked like engagement rings…different shapes, styles, all with diamonds.  They were all at different angles on her finger, so that the diamonds didn’t keep the rings pushed far apart. It looked odd…and uncomfortable.  That’s why I wondered why she wore all of them…it sure looked like it would feel uncomfortable. So I wondered if it was, as Rebecca said, a display of scalps, or maybe a way of carrying around one’s portable wealth.  

Perhaps she had them on all because she was taking them to a pawn shop?  

But it caused me to wonder, in general terms, about the practice of a woman keeping an engagement ring if the relationship ends.  It seems the ring would, in many cases, evoke bad memories.  So does it serve as a form of tribute?  Forfeiture of deposit?

To me a ring is a ring .. a house is a house .. a car is a car .. Yep, just a cold fish.   I do know many women put the diamonds in new settings or have the ring reworked to it is not the original engagement ring. FloridaNB

Response:

From: mephisto I’ll print your inquiry, return, and say, "Jadelee wanted me to ask…" If she e-mails you, you’ll pass it on, right?

Sure…I’ll share it right here where all of the world can see. jadelee

Response:

On Thu, 31 May 2001 18:03:13 GMT, mephisto <mephi…@noemail.com

wrote:

I had an experience today that caused me to think of an analogy: Rings on a tree and rings on a woman. I had to go to an office to attend to some paperwork stuff and the woman there who assisted, I noticed, had three engagment rings on the third finger of her right hand…no wedding band, and no rings on her left hand. I thought about the stories behind those rings and wondered why she wore all three.  Memories? Trophies? Reminders?  And I wondered what sort of signal they might send to prospective future male contributors to the collection.

Maybe her fingers got so fat she cannot get them off and doesn’t want to cut them? Why not ask her if there is some significance to the way she wears her rings.  Are you certain they are all engagement rings?  With diamonds??  How does she get ‘em all on … real long fingers? FloridaNB

Response:

mephisto <mephi…@noemail.com

wrote in message

news:3i1dhtk5ctg98ebpi58h4tm43p95k6bcjr@4ax.com…

I had an experience today that caused me to think of an analogy: Rings on a tree and rings on a woman. I had to go to an office to attend to some paperwork stuff and the woman there who assisted, I noticed, had three engagment rings on the third finger of her right hand…no wedding band, and no rings on her left hand.

I wear my engagement/wedding set on my left hand, and another on my right. The other was my paternal great grandmother’s.

I thought about the stories behind those rings and wondered why she wore all three.  Memories? Trophies? Reminders?  And I wondered what sort of signal they might send to prospective future male contributors to the collection.

Could be they were not all hers to begin with.  One could have been mom’s. Or, they could all be her "scalps".   Who knows. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -

– - – - – reply by e-mail to mephisto (at) cotse.com

Response:

From: mephisto I thought about the stories behind those rings and wondered why she wore all three.  Memories? Trophies? Reminders?

How do you know that they were engagement rings? Could they just be rings that she liked and bought at an estate sale or something?  I have been married for 8 years, don’t have an engagement ring..however I have worn my grandmother’s engagement ring for a while.  I don’t wear a wedding band anymore either…although I wear these three plain, thin, silver rings on my wedding finger (whatever that is called I think that to some of us, rings really mean nothing or at least, very little.  I am just not a jewlery person and that is probably due to the fact that my dad was a jeweler and I had more jewelery as a young girl than I could handle. For the last 3 or 4 years I only wear silver and little of it which is why I don’t wear my wedding band anymore (it’s gold). jadelee

Response: